Captured
by SD130413
Summary: As he grabbed her by the hair she yelped. Suddenly a hand covered her mouth and the all too familiar smell of chloroform engulfed her. She tried to hold her breath but slowly she succumbed to a forced sleep. CONTAINTS DISTURBING SCENES OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE
1. 1 Sleeping

**A/N – this is E/O but focused more on Olivia, they're engaged at the start of this and then the italics in bold are flash backs, italics alone are dreams or thoughts.**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter one – Sleeping

April 1st, 3.40 am

_God!_ He loved watching her sleep.

Earlier in the evening he'd taken her out for a slap up meal and he'd proposed to her. Olivia Benson was going to become Olivia Stabler. He was so pleased, he'd imagined her saying no so many times he was convinced she'd do it and had almost talked himself out of asking her, luckily Fin, his partner and wing-man, knew about his plan and talked him back into it before it was too late.

The steady rise and fall of her chest made him smile. He couldn't have been happier even if he tried. The moonlight shining through their bedroom window shone from the ring he'd chose for her, he was overjoyed that she liked it, he knew she wasn't lying to him when she said she did.

As his phone rang with the familiar ring tone he'd set for Fin he quickly answered it as not to wake Olivia.

"Stabler." He mumbled.

"We've got a case." Fin sighed down the phone.

"Ok text me where to, I'll get changed." Elliot replied before hanging up.

He climbed from the bed and grabbed some clothes before getting ready in the bathroom. When he went back into the bedroom to grab his belt he found Olivia had rolled onto her belly making him chuckle slightly.

"Something funny Stabler?" she mumbled without opening her eyes.

He smiled and leant over the bed to kiss her.

"Case?" She asked still not opening her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll see you in the precinct." He smiled.

"Call if you need me." She sighed and she heard him slip out of the room.

Taking a deep breath she snuggled her face into the pillow so she could drift back into sleep. She heard the front door open but didn't bat an eyelid, Elliot was always forgetting things.

"What have you forgotten?" She asked, her eyes still closed as someone entered her bedroom.

"I've forgotten nothing Detective." A voice cackled making Olivia's eyes spring open and make her jump.

"Don't go for your gun or I will shoot you." The voice smirked as the familiar click of the safety of a gun clicked.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Olivia asked her breath shaky yet her voice quite calm.

"Get dressed and pack a bag Benson because you're coming with me." The male voice revealed.

"I'm going nowhere with you." Olivia muttered her teeth gritted.

"You will if you don't want anything to happen to Elliot." He replied menacingly.

Sighing she climbed out of the bed trying to keep herself covered as she reached for her robe. As she wrapped it around herself she shook with fear but tried to hide it.

"Who are you?" Olivia asked as she reached into the closet for a holdall hoping that this was one of those cases that would allow Elliot to come home quick.

"All in good time Detective, now pack!" He hissed pointing the gun towards him.

"Can I get some light so I can see what I'm doing?" Olivia asked shakily, unsure whether she wanted to see more of the dark figure in front of her.

Grumbling Olivia watched as the figure kept the gun aimed at her as he flicked on the switch. Her eyes clenched shut needing time to adjust to the light.

As she slowly opened her eyes she found a man, easily six foot five if not taller, he was stocky, his face was hidden by a balaclava and he was wearing all black.

"Pack Detective, and put some clothes on." He yelled.

Olivia mumbled and just threw some things from her closet into the bag, before taking time to start folding things and making them fit, trying desperately to waste time.

"Go change and ... hand me your gun, cuffs and phone." He said sternly.

Taking another shaky breath Olivia grabbed her phone and went into the drawer for her belt. She threw them on the bed close to him as she grabbed some clothes, not caring what they looked like as she tried to keep herself calm.

"Can I use the bathroom?" Olivia asked nervously.

"Yes, just hurry up!" He seethed.

Olivia rushed into the bathroom and threw on her clothes, she was thankful that this bathroom had two doors, one leading to the bedroom where she could hear the perp packing her things and one to the living room. As soon as her clothes were on she reached for the second door, and slowly turned it. It clicked as it sprung free and Olivia ran for it.

He was quicker.

As he grabbed her by the hair she yelped. Suddenly a hand covered her mouth and the all too familiar smell of chloroform engulfed her. She tried to hold her breath but slowly she succumbed to a forced sleep.

**Just a taste of my new fan fic – Who is he? Where is she? How long will she be missing before anyone finds out? Olivia is CAPTURED!**


	2. 2 Missing

**A/N – this is E/O but focused more on Olivia, they're engaged at the start of this and then the italics in bold are flash backs, italics alone are dreams or thoughts.**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

_As he grabbed her by the hair she yelped. Suddenly a hand covered her mouth and the all too familiar smell of chlorophyll engulfed her. She tried to hold her breath but slowly she succumbed to a forced sleep. _

Chapter two – Missing

**1-6 precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st, 10.30 am

Elliot sat back in his chair playing with his phone in his hands.

"Stabler!" Cragen called walking towards him.

"Cap?" He asked turning his chair to face the Captain.

"Where's Benson?" He asked.

"I don't know she's not picking up." Elliot shrugged having been calling her every five minutes for the past hour, she was never late for work.

"Well find her! I need her and Munch on this case whilst you and Fin work that one." Cragen sighed.

"Should I go home and get her?" Elliot asked.

"Yes! Anything! Find out what on earth she's playing at." Cragen sighed.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 10.30 am

Olivia groaned as she started to come around, wherever she was, it was pitch black and she couldn't see a thing... or was she blindfolded.

She blinked hard to see if her eyelashes would brush against something but when they didn't she guessed she was it was just really dark. Slowly, as she became more familiar with herself and surroundings she pulled at her arms to find them tied behind her in the chair.

_Or cuffed with my own handcuffs._

As she took a breath, she found herself gagged and all she could manage was a sigh and a soft whimper.

It was like the noise had activated something as the light came on. Bright white lights dazzled her causing her minutes of disorientation as her eyes adjusted.

"Wakey Wakey Oli-vi-a" She heard echoing around the room.

Taking a deep breath she lifted her head to look around. There was no one in the room but she could see where he could see her from. At the end of the room stood a large two way just like they had back in the interrogation room at the precinct.

_Elliot!_

She choked back the sobs not wanting to appear weak or vulnerable, she couldn't speak to him as he had her gagged so she slowly stood up and took a moment to steady herself. Once she was sure she wouldn't fall back to the floor she made her way to the two way and made it look like she was looking straight through it. When she realised it wasn't working she started checking her face and neck for injuries. A deep gauze on her cheek had started to dry and she had scratches on her neck but other than that she looked fine, she also felt fine.

She heard a door open and turned to the side and saw the man walk towards her. He was still wearing the balaclava and black outfit but that wasn't what bothered her. It was that he was carrying a first aid kit.

He placed it on the floor beside the chair she'd been sitting on and walked towards her. The closer he got the more she shivered with fear.

"I'm not going to hurt you Olivia." He whispered gently.

Olivia didn't know why but she believed him and she nodded weakly allowing him to lead her back to the chair. Once she was sat down he opened the first aid box and put on a pair of gloves before turning to her.

"I'm going to take the gag off, don't scream Olivia, first of all no one can hear you here anyway and two, I just want to clean your face." He explained and Olivia nodded again.

He reached over her and she felt the gag loosen before he pulled it away completely. She gasped in the air through her mouth welcoming every breath.

He pulled out an alcohol wipe and slowly started to clean her cheek. His touch made her tremble but she didn't scream, just whimpered childishly, helplessly.

"There we go, I'm just going to put some butterfly bandages on that." He said and Olivia could almost sense the smile coming from his lips, gentle, calm, and even caring.

Once again she nodded weakly and allowed him to carry on fixing up her cheek. When he was done he pulled off the gloves and placed all the rubbish into one of them.

"How did I ... How ... my cheek?" She asked her voice a hoarse whisper.

"Sorry Olivia, I didn't mean too, I got a little bit rough when you tried to run and you caught it on the side of your coffee table. It won't get infected now." He smiled again and his hand cupped Olivia's good cheek and at first she trembled but as his thumb stroked her cheek she found herself warming to his touch.

"There, I'll be back in a while, I won't be long I swear." He said dropping his hand.

All Olivia could do was nod and watch him walk out the door.

_Shit! _Olivia thought. _Why didn't I fight him? Why didn't I scream, I just let him patch me up and walk straight out and lock me in again!_

Sighing, she relaxed into the chair as much as she could and shut her eyes, falling into an uneasy sleep.

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**Home**

April 1st 11.55 am

Elliot sat on the couch his head in his hands as CSU swarmed the flat.

He'd arrived home expecting Olivia to still be asleep, instead he found her gun and shield on the bed with a hand scrawled note.

_Detective Stabler, _

_April fools! I've got Olivia and you will soon see that she doesn't love you because she will fall in love with me. Wait for my messages. All the best!_

Cragen was reading the note that now lived in a see through evidence bag. His hands shook with rage as he handed the bag to a CSU technician.

"Elliot they want to do in here, come back to the precinct." Cragen sighed knowing that the young man in front of him was in turmoil.

"Who's got her Cap? Someone's go Liv!" He sobbed.

"I know and we'll find them, but not here, come on." Cragen put his arm over the shaking detective and led him away from the scene.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 11.55 am

The sound of the door opening made Olivia jump. She looked at the man who was coming towards her.

"How are you Olivia?" He asked and he for a moment actually sounded concerned.

"Fine." She shrugged unsure really how to answer the question.

This is apparently not what he wanted to here as a hand flew across her face knocking her to the floor.

"You've been kidnapped, you have no idea where you are, you should be begging me for your life not telling me you're fine!" he roared into her face.

"Don't please don't!" Olivia racked with tears as he picked her up off the floor.

"That's better, behave Olivia and there's a chance I'll let you live." He dropped her to the ground and walked out slamming the door behind him and Olivia crouched over her forehead on the floor as she sobbed hysterically.

_Fuck! Who is this guy, what does he want from me? Nice one minute a bastard the next... think like Huang ... Uh... there's something seriously fucked up about this ... think Olivia think! ... oh shit ... he's gotta be a schizophrenic or something._

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 12.15 pm

"Cap!" Fin called rushing into the bull pen.

"What have you got?" Cragen called.

"There was blood, on the coffee table, Liv's. No prints only Liv's and Elliot's." Fin replied having just got back from the CSU Lab.

"Shit." Cragen groaned.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Elliot Stabler?" A young man smiled gently coming into the room.

"That's me!" Elliot exclaimed jumping to his feet.

"I have a package for you, I just need you to sign for it." He explained passing Elliot a clipboard.

Elliot shrugged and signed for the package and then as he handed the clipboard back her was handed the small brown box. He dropped it on his desk and slowly opened it. There was a note taped to the box.

_Thought you might enjoy seeing what your ex fiancé is up to. Live feed ... and don't worry, I'm not stupid, it's untraceable. Connect it to your high tech screens and load it up, then you can watch her all day and all night ... unless it's something I don't want you to see!_

Elliot jumped to his feet and dug into the box. There was a small gadget to connect to the computer and a small black box.

With shaking hands he opened the box and dropped it on his desk almost vomiting.

"Elliot!" Cragen called rushing to the desk.

When he saw what was in the black box he went a sickly shade of green too.

"Fin, gloves, bag this up, get it to CSU." He mumbled trying not to vomit.

"What is it?" Fin asked as he pulled on a pair of gloves.

"Woman's finger, Olivia's ... Olivia's ring... find out if it's her." He whispered.

Fin took a deep breath as he bagged everything up, he avoided looking at the finger as Elliot took the gadget to the computer screens and hook it up.

Once it loaded the picture of a white room containing a chair and a sobbing Olivia came into view.

_Liv! Oh God Liv! _

"We'll find her Elliot." Cragen whispered shakily as he pressed his hand into Elliot's shoulder giving it a squeeze.

Elliot pulled up a chair in front of the screen, he wasn't moving a muscle.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 12.30pm

Olivia hadn't moved from her position on the floor. When the door opened she jumped a little but she didn't move much at all, definitely not to look at him.

"I've bought you lunch." The voice echoed gruffly.

Slowly she looked at him as he carried in a tray with take away for two consisting of burger, fries and drink and placed it on the floor.

"Come here, I'll take those cuffs off you." He said softly.

Olivia shakily pushed herself to her knees and then to standing to make her way over to him. As she knelt down with her back to him she grimaced, trying desperately to stop more sobs rip through her.

Once the cuffs were off she elbowed him and ran for the door. As she jerked on the handle she found that it didn't budge, before her brain could even begin asking why she felt herself slam into the door. An arm pushed into her neck as her face faced the side, one arm was being gripped tightly and pulled back.

"Don't try and run from me Olivia, that door has an automatic lock. I have the key, works a bit like a car you know. Now come and eat." He yanked her arm causing her to stumble and crash to the floor.

She shook as she pushed herself up, her eyes filling with tears as she felt his arm over her shoulder. He pulled her into him and held her as she sobbed, she was too weak to fight him off.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 12.30pm

"Cap we've got movement!" Elliot yelled as he saw the dark figure walk into the room.

Cragen, Munch and Fin all rushed to the screens.

"I bought you lunch." They heard and Elliot felt himself shudder at the voice.

He could only watch as Olivia slowly picked herself from the floor a little.

"Come here, I'll take those cuffs off you."

"That sounded ..."

"Shh!" Elliot stopped Fin as he wanted to see and hear what was going on wherever Olivia was.

They all watched, their nerves shattered, as Olivia's weakened body rose up.

"Fight baby." Elliot whispered as he watched Olivia kneel down and have the cuffs removed.

They all saw her elbow fly backwards and their hearts leapt but it wasn't to last as they saw his body fly into hers.

"No!" Elliot gasped. "Please don't hurt her!"

"Come on El." Cragen whispered.

They all saw her fly and hit the floor.

"NO!" Elliot cried jumping to his feet, unable to do anything but watch.

Her cries filled the room, slowly breaking everyone's hearts. As the perp took her into his arms everyone's jaw's fell to the floor. What was this guy?

"Get Huang here now!" Cragen yelled to no one in particular.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 12.45pm

Olivia slowly had run out of tears. She jerked herself away from the arms of the man who was causing her pain and distress unable to do much else.

"Now, are you going to eat with me? Or would you prefer it if I took mine and left you alone?" He asked gently.

Olivia just shrugged.

Slowly, the perp pushed the tray towards her and as her belly rumbled she took one of the burgers and gave him a very weak and grateful smile that lasted less than a second.

He picked up the second burger and unwrapped it for himself. He then slowly peeled back the blind fold revealing his face for the first time. For a moment, Olivia scanned him trying to see if she recognised him anyway but she was at a loss. He had golden coloured hair that reminded Olivia of someone who surfed, she'd already studied his twinkling green eyes but seeing his whole face in front of her made them seem a lot less cold.

"I wasn't going to hide my face forever Olivia." He smiled before biting into his burger.

Olivia sat down and made herself more comfortable on the white concrete floor.

"Do I get a name?" She asked as she unwrapped her own burger.

"Call me Toby." He smiled gently as she finally bit into the burger.

"Toby." She replied with a small mouthful.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 12:30 pm

Agent George Huang from the FBI had joined Elliot, Cragen, Fin and Munch at the screen, he was studying both people's behaviour to see what he could learn about the situation.

"See how she jerked? She knows he's a threat." Huang explained and everyone just nodded keeping their eyes fixed on the man and Olivia. "The fact he's giving her a choice means he actually cares about her opinion, he's giving her some control." He added as the live feed continued.

"She smiled?" Elliot gasped, it may have only been miniscule and lasted less than a second but he knew her smiles anywhere.

"Yes, she's grateful." Huang explained.

"What the fuck?" Elliot gasped.

They all watched as the man on the screen removed his blindfold.

"Get me a still of this and get it to the media, we need to know who this guy is!" Cragen told Munch and Fin who both quickly rushed off to get someone from computer crimes to give them a hand.

"Why show is face? Why give her a name?" Cragen asked turning to Huang.

"He's trying to build a connection or a relationship with her. Can't do that if she doesn't know what he looks like or what to call him." Huang explained.

"What's he doing to her Huang?" Cragen asked the desperation in his voice unmistakeable.

"He's trying to brainwash her." He replied honestly.

**You lot with me so far? PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE WILL BE A LOT OF VIOLENT AND GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION IN THIS FIC AND I DON'T WANT TO BE BLAMED FOR ANY NIGHTMARES YOU MAY HAVE!**


	3. 3 Brainwashing

**A/N – this is E/O but focused more on Olivia, they're engaged at the start of this and then the italics in bold are flash backs, italics alone are dreams or thoughts.**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

"_He's trying to build a connection or a relationship with her. Can't do that if she doesn't know what he looks like or what to call him." Huang explained. _

"_What's he doing to her Huang?" Cragen asked the desperation in his voice unmistakeable. _

"_He's trying to brain wash her." He replied honestly. _

Chapter three – Brainwashing

**Somewhere**

April 1st, 1.15 pm

"Thanks, that was uh ... nice." Olivia shrugged unsure really what to say.

"Good." He smiled softly as he placed all the rubbish on the tray.

He extended her hand to her undamaged cheek and stroked it gently, Olivia's body quivered at his touch but he didn't scare her, just made her nervous.

"I really am sorry about your cheek Olivia." He whispered.

"It's ok." She shrugged unsure what else to say.

"No it's not ok!" He cried jumping to her feet.

His fist connected with the side of her face and she hit the ground, her eyes shut. He picked up the tray from the floor and ran out of the room without looking back. Olivia was unconscious, at least for now she'd rest.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 1.30 pm

Cragen, Huang and Elliot still watched the scene in front of them play. None of them knew what to say or do at this point, they'd just been watching Olivia and her kidnapper have lunch like it was normal behaviour for both of them.

"Thanks, that was uh ... nice." Olivia's gentle voice echoed.

"She's nervous." Elliot whispered, knowing the changes in Olivia's voice as well if not better than he knew his own.

They watched the perp's hand touch her cheek.

"He needs to stop touching her!" Elliot spat through gritted teeth as a shudder slipped down his spine.

"I'm sorry about your cheek Olivia."

"Yeah you fucking will be pal!" Elliot hissed.

"It's ok."

"No it's not ok!" As the man who called himself Toby's fist connected with the side of his head Elliot fell from the chair to his knee's wracked with silent sobs.

"What's he doing to her?" He sobbed as he looked at Olivia's unconscious figure on the floor.

"He wants her to fear him." Huang explained. "He wants her to be scared that he will physically hurt her. If she asks 'are you ok?' he wants her to be honest and say 'no I'm frightened of you' not 'I'm fine how are you?' He wants to control her emotions." Huang explained.

Elliot gave a weak nod as he diverted all his attention back to the screen, where Olivia lay unconscious and unmoving.

"I'm going to chase up Munch and Fin." Cragen sighed before rushing off as George Huang pulled aa chair beside Elliot, they were both going to sit there till she was safe.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 2.10 pm

Olivia's hand flew to the side of her head as she groaned. It felt like she'd been smacked, hard. As she slowly came round she remembered that she had been smacked and that didn't make her feel any better. Gently, she pulled herself to her feet and walked over to the two way, unaware that she was in fact stood facing a camera that was feeding live images to the one six.

"Toby? Toby are you there? I need the bathroom Toby! Please? I really need the bathroom." She called and for a moment she waited sighing that he wasn't responding to her.

"Fuck Toby!" She smacked her hands on the two way causing it bang loudly and echo across the room. "What do you want from me Toby? Eh? What the fuck do you want from me?" She screamed into the two way.

"I'd first of all like you to calm down Olivia." He laughed sadistically making Olivia's blood turn cold.

"I can do that." She replied to the thin air shakily.

"Good, now I'll come and get you to take you to the bathroom just hold on."

Olivia pressed her forehead to the two way as she closed her eyes.

"God I miss you El, I love you and if I don't get through this, always remember that." She mumbled just before the heavy door swung open.

"Come on." He smiled gently.

Olivia swallowed hard and headed for the door.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 2.10 pm

Elliot and Huang had been watching Olivia's unconscious body for over half an hour. The only thing that had happened was that the perp came in to check she was still breathing before leaving.

"At least we know he doesn't want her dead yet." Huang whispered nervously, Olivia was his friend not just his patient.

"Small mercy." Elliot whispered back his mouth to dry to even begin forming words. "Hold up we've got movement."

Both men watched as Olivia slowly begin to get up.

They watched her walk right into the camera.

"Do you think she knows it's there?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know, she knows something is there it may be the camera it may not." Huang shrugged.

"Toby? Toby are you there? I need the bathroom Toby! Please? I really need the bathroom." Olivia's voice filled the 1-6 making many stop working to come and see what was going on with Olivia.

"This should be interesting." Huang mumbled sitting up straighter.

"Fuck Toby!" She smacked her hands causing the camera to shake and giving Elliot a minor seizure, being able to see her was keeping him going, but the picture slowly steadied.

"What do you want from me Toby? Eh? What the fuck do you want from me?" Olivia's screams were a mixture of anger and frustration.

Her head fell a little forward and Elliot could see that her eyes were closed.

"God I miss you El, I love you and if I don't get through this, always remember that."

He walked up to the screen just as she turned away and began walking to the door.

"No! No Liv! Don't! I love you Liv! I love you!" He sobbed, he didn't care who was watching as he fell to his knees.

As if it was perfect timing Fin and Munch rushed into the room and Elliot went to see what they had his eyes constantly flickering to the screen for Olivia's return.

"Ok the finger wasn't Olivia's so we have a Jane Doe somewhere too." Fin explained and Elliot let out a sigh of relief even though he'd been carefully watching Olivia's hands and was sure he'd counted ten fingers.

"Anything else?" Cragen sighed rubbing his tired eyes.

"Yeah, woman called in swears the man in the picture is her ex fiancé, name Toby McArthur." Munch added.

"Is she coming here?" Elliot asked glancing at the screen and seeing Olivia stumble back into the room and fall onto the floor so he didn't wait for an answer.

"That would be yes Elliot." Munch sighed seeing Elliot back at the screens.

"Good work, when she gets here, let me know so I can watch you interrogate her." Cragen sighed going to sit beside Elliot and Huang.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 2.10 pm

"Don't be long." Toby's voice snapped as Olivia walked into the bathroom.

She nodded and shut the door automatically going to find a lock but not finding one.

As she sat on the toilet she scanned the room.

There was one window which gave her a small hope. It was small but she knew if she could break it with one swipe she could get through it with some minor cuts from the glass.

She didn't flush the toilet to give herself more time. Slowly she climbed onto the edge of the bath and examined the window.

Scanning the room she saw that there was nothing she could use so she grabbed her boot from her foot and held it so she could use the heel. Nervously she swung her hand back and in one quick hit she felt the window smash. She knew she had mere seconds so she dived, throwing herself through the small gap. Two large hand grabbed her ankles and dragged her slowly back in. The hands moved to her waist and she felt him pull harder before throwing her back. Her back took most of the blow but she felt her head bounce on the tile wall. She slipped to the floor but he wasn't done with her yet. His foot connected with her stomach missing all her ribs by millimetres which was a small mercy on its own when he picked her up by her hair.

"You shouldn't try and escape Olivia, you're never going to manage." He spat in her eat.

"I'm sorry..." She mumbled desperately.

"You will be!" He hissed venomously and he dragged her by her hair through the door.

With one push she fell onto the concrete floor and as her arms struggled to push her up she heard the door slam shut behind her.

"God!" She whimpered as her arms failed to hold her up and she crashed into the floor.

She rolled onto her back and coughed as she tried to catch her breath.

Slowly she made it to her feet and winced in pain as she walked to the two way to examine her injuries.

She had scratches all over her face neck and hands, her coat was ripped, protecting her arms from the glass she had tried to dive through.

"Fuck!" She spat.

Slowly she pulled up her shirt to examine her stomach and found a visible red mark an almost footprint.

"You bastard!" Olivia screamed.

"Ha ha ha, you can't blame me for those scratches Olivia, you did those to yourself ... I'm sure George Huang would call them Self inflicted injuries." Toby's voice cackled.

"Self inflicted my ass! If you weren't trying to keep me here I wouldn't have tried to dive through a fucking window!" She yelled into the thin air.

"I'll take full blame for the mark on your stomach... oh and Olivia, check the back of your head, I think you may have a scalp wound, I went to fix the window and found blood on the wall. Talk to you later."

The voice chilled her blood but she slowly took her hand to the back of her head, which was throbbing anyway but she didn't know it was bleeding.

Her hands barely touched and as she winced and she knew without looking that she was bleeding from the stick warmth on her hand. She looked anyway and realised there wasn't really that much blood.

"Fuck!" She groaned and she leant once more in front of the two way.

"Come on El, I know you're looking for me. I need you baby... now more than ever. God I love you." She sobbed quietly. "I must be going out of my mind, I'm talking to you out loud like you can fucking hear me but it's making me feel better so I don't care... maybe Huang will have something to say about this if I live to tell the tale." She gave a soft chuckle as she wiped her cheeks. "I miss you El I miss you so much it physically hurts, on top of the beating that is. I don't know what to do anymore El, I love you." She sighed and turned away from the mirror.

Slowly she walked right to the corner of the room and curled herself up into a little ball and shut her eyes, hoping her dreams would be better than the living nightmare she was in.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 2.30 pm

George Huang sat with a notepad in his lap. This case was confusing the hell out of him and he wanted to scribble down what he was watching as well as extra notes in the margin.

He could only watch as Olivia's weak body struggled to stand and walked to the camera.

"It's a two way." Huang suggested as he scribbled down.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked as he watched and winced at Olivia's injuries, almost as if she was purposely showing them to the camera.

"She's looking at her own reflection, she can see her injuries and she's checking them out, she can't see the camera at all." Huang explained further.

"I didn't think of that." Elliot sighed as he tried not to cry from the injuries over Olivia's face and neck.

"You bastard!" Olivia's voice echoed as they looked at her bare stomach.

"Shoe print." Huang mumbled and Elliot just ignored it.

"Ha ha ha, you can't blame me for those scratches Olivia, you did those to yourself ... I'm sure George Huang would call them Self inflicted injuries."

At the mention of his name Huang flicked his head up, before resuming to write, he was getting a lot from this and he would never be able to process it all at once.

"She's suicidal?" Elliot gasped.

"Self inflicted my ass! If you weren't trying to keep me here I wouldn't have tried to dive through a fucking window!"

"No she tried to escape." He let out a small sigh of relief but it didn't calm him at all, he was relieved she wasn't trying to hurt herself but she was still in his captivity.

"I'll take full blame for the mark on your stomach... oh and Olivia, check the back of your head, I think you may have a scalp wound, I went to fix the window and found blood on the wall. Talk to you later."

Huang looked at the screen again and watched as Olivia checked the back of her head.

"Turn around." He wished out loud.

"Why?" Elliot asked.

"I need to see how deep that head wound of hers is to make sure it isn't life threatening." Huang explained but his wish wasn't granted as Olivia leant her head on the mirror.

"Come on El, I know you're looking for me. I need you baby... now more than ever. God I love you." I must be going out of my mind, I'm talking to you out loud like you can fucking here me but it's making me feel better so I don't care... maybe Huang will have something to say about this if I live to tell the tale. I miss you El I miss you so much it physically hurts, on top of the beating that is. I don't know what to do anymore El, I love you."

Elliot's eyes filled with yet more tears at Olivia's words. He watched her slump in the corner and his heart yearned for her.

"I love you too Liv, I'll find you baby." He whispered even though Huang heard him and seemed to take note of his reply.

"So what have you got Doc?" Cragen asked turning to George Huang.

"He's definitely trying to brainwash her, I'm guessing we'll see him do something nice before the day's out, now she got hurt trying to jump through a window, that's instinct, nothing to worry about, any human being would do it really, if there's a chance to try and escape you're going to try it. We should worry more when she stops trying. I'm guessing she got a beating after trying to escape and the fact that she's talking to Elliot out loud, it's what's going to keep her sane, she's connecting to people outside him and her, she mentioned me, that shows her focus isn't on him at all her mind is here with us and I'm guessing she'll mention the rest of you in time too unless she slips further into Stockholm syndrome which is where she's slowly heading." He sighed. "We've got to find her before that happens."

"We will." Cragen whispered. "We have to."

"Cap, the girlfriend or ex or whatever the hell she is arrived." Fin called from the entrance to the bullpen.

"Get her in the interrogation room now!" Cragen called rushing off.

"Go watch Elliot, I'll come and get you if she wakes up." Huang smiled softly.

"Thanks." Elliot nodded before following the route Cragen took.

He arrived outside the interrogation room two way just as Munch and Fin sat down opposite the young blond woman.

"So this man you think he's your ex boyfriend?" Fin asked.

"I know it's him!" She mumbled throwing a picture in front of him.

"His name is Toby McArthur, we were together for about two years and then we got engaged and he went all weird, started having some weird obsession with sex crimes and I saw the picture and I thought it was him but wasn't sure until I saw he was wanted in connection with the kidnap of an SVU Detective, I knew it was him. He knows everything about you lot! He studied you all and I'm telling you he's dangerous!" The young woman was obviously in distress.

"Ok Ma'am, have you any idea where he might have taken her?" Munch asked softly not wanting to distress her any further.

"I've made a list, he owns a few properties in Manhattan alone, then some further, but none outside New York." She handed the list she'd made.

"The bottom ones are lists of places we went together, I don't know if it's relevant but I just felt like I needed to help you anyway I could." She explained.

"Thank you Ma'am now we'll get you some coffee but we do need you to stick around in case we have any more questions." Munch explained.

"Elliot!" Huang's voice echoed from behind him.

He knew what it was and he rushed off to retake his seat in front of the screens, just as Olivia stood up.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 3.00pm

"Nice nap?" He asked her gently as she got to her feet.

"What – What – What d-d-do you wa-wa-want?" She stammered.

"Oh Olivia, my darling Olivia calm down." He said softly stroking the side of her face.

"Don't touch me." She turned away but as she was still in the corner there was nowhere she could move to. "And I'm not _your_ Olivia. I have a fiancé thank you!" She spat.

"Play nice Liv."

"Don't call me that!" She punched him square in the jaw as he went to grab her she dived under his arms, there was nowhere she could run but she was ready to fight him as he turned around though, he just straightened himself out.

"You know I don't want to hurt you Olivia. As you can see there is a box there by the door. It's an airbed, I thought we could set it up so you don't sleep on the floor tonight." He smiled gently.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She asked, she wasn't crying but it was obvious she was frustrated.

"I want to make your stay here more comfortable Olivia." He smiled softly.

"What do you mean stay? What do you actually want from me?" She pleaded as she scanned his face for something, anything that could help her.

"All in due time Olivia ... you're not ready yet." He shrugged.

"Fine." She sighed giving up for now. "We going to stand here all day or put this bed up?"

He smiled.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 3.00pm

Her stutter showed Elliot and Huang exactly how scared she had become.

"Oh Olivia, my darling Olivia calm down."

"Don't touch me...And I'm not _your_ Olivia. I have a fiancé thank you!"

His heart swelled with the mention of him again. It was the one thing he needed to hear to know she wasn't quite brainwashed yet.

"Play nice Liv."

"Don't call me that!"

Elliot watched as her punch connected with his face and she dived from his grasp, he gasped, holding his breath as he waited to see him come after her but he didn't and that shocked him more.

"You know I don't want to hurt you Olivia. As you can see there is a box there by the door. It's an airbed, I thought we could set it up so you don't sleep on the floor tonight."

"What?" Elliot asked to the air hearing what Toby was saying.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'd like to know the same thing Liv." Elliot replied.

"I want to make your stay here more comfortable Olivia."

"What do you mean stay?" Elliot said at the exact same time as Olivia.

"...What do you actually want from me?" Olivia continued.

Huang was scribbling as fast as he could, needing take everything down so he could explain it to Elliot afterwards, it might be the only way to keep the man beside him sane.

"All in due time Olivia ... you're not ready yet."

"Ready?" Elliot asked perplexed.

"We going to stand here all day or put this bed up?"

"Liv? No baby don't!" He cried out. "He's doing it isn't he? He's brainwashing her."

"Elliot keep it together, she's still fighting back and she's still asking questions, when that stops, that's when we'll worry." Huang replied.

"Fine what have you got from that then?" Elliot asked glancing at the screen where Olivia and Toby were pulling out a blow up bed from the box.

"She's scared, she doesn't want him to hurt her again so she's trying to react to him in a way that will make him not hurt her but her instinct as a cop is still there so she is still reacting to him badly, hence the punch. The whole thing with the bed, he's showing an act of kindness towards her, that's involved in the brainwashing process but he will hurt her again we just have to wait for it." Huang sighed.

"We have to find her." He whispered looking at the screen where Olivia was laughing, her beautiful laugh filled the one six but it didn't relax him, it made him more scared because he knew she was being brainwashed.

**So that is chapter 3 – Brainwashing, what will chapter four be? I don't know, haven't got that far yet ;) review please, might help me with the next chapter as I have a bit of writers block and no idea how to move on with this story!**


	4. 4 Beating

**A/N – this is E/O but focused more on Olivia, they're engaged at the start of this and then the italics in bold are flash backs, italics alone are dreams or thoughts.**

**BY THE WAY – THESE CHAPTERS WILL CONTAIN SCENES OF VIOLENCE/ SOME SEXUAL/ READ AT YOUR OWN DESCRETION. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

"_We have to find her." He whispered looking at the screen where Olivia was laughing, her beautiful laugh filled the one six but it didn't relax him, it made him more scared because he knew she was being brainwashed._

Chapter four – Beating

**Somewhere**

April 1st, 3.25 pm

"You've gone red in the face Olivia!" Toby laughed from his belly.

"Not that you haven't!" She laughed back as they continued to try and blow up the double air bed.

"Hold on..." He sighed looking into the box the bed had been in. "I knew it! There's a pump!" He laughed again.

"You mean we've been at this God knows how long and you had a pump the whole time?" Olivia laughed.

"I didn't think." He snapped making Olivia stop laughing, she'd forgotten, just for one moment, that he was her captor.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way." She mumbled.

He jumped up and grabbed her by the hair. He pushed her into the wall.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered as he got into her face.

"Sorry doesn't cut it Olivia." He breathed into her face.

"I know, I-I-I..."

"Lost for words Olivia?" He sniggered. "Not like you."

"What do-do-do you m-m-mean?" She stuttered.

"I-I-I know all about you." He cackled. "All about you." He said again.

"Don't Toby please?" She pleaded as he pressed his body into hers.

"Not yet, but don't fuck me about Olivia alright?" He yelled.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I really am." She gasped as he let her go and she fell to the floor.

"You can do the bed yourself." He spat and he marched out the door.

"Fuck!" Olivia sighed sitting up and bring her knees to her chest.

She pressed her head into her knees and sighed deeply.

"Just when you think you're getting it right Olivia you screw up!" She moaned. "This guys gonna fucking kill you and there's fuck all you can do about it."

She stood up and walked to the two way.

"I hope you can see me asshole because I'm not going to be here long!" She screamed. "You're messing with a cop! Do you know how many amazing cops are out there looking for me? And you? Fin, Munch, Elliot and Cragen are gonna fucking kill you when they get their hands on you but they're going to have to do it before I do!" She yelled and she dropped her head to the mirror and sighed.

"I need you guys so much, I love you all..." She took a deep breath as she blinked back the tears. "If I don't make it out of here... God I'll never get to laugh with you in the bullpen again, it's never gonna be the same is it? I miss you all." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I've never needed you all like I need you now."

Slowly she went back over to the air bed and decided to keep her mind off her loved ones by pumping the air into it. Anything, but imagine the horrors that could come.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 3.25 pm

Everyone just stared as Olivia laughed with her captor. She genuinely looked happy and even though it should have relaxed them, it didn't, they knew she was falling right into his hands.

"You mean we've been at this God knows how long and you had a pump the whole time?" Olivia laughed.

They couldn't help but smile, her laugh was infectious. However, when they saw Toby McArthur snap at her again every one of their hearts started beating harder in their chests.

"God don't hurt her." Elliot whispered into his hands.

As they watched him grab her by the hair and slam her into the wall they all felt the same feeling. Helpless.

As Olivia stuttered the four men had tears in their eyes, they'd never seen her look so... vulnerable.

They all watched Olivia fall to the ground as Toby stormed out of the room. As one, they breathed a small sigh of relief that she was alone again, away from the monster who held her.

"Just when you think you're getting it right Olivia you screw up. This guys gonna fucking kill you and there's fuck all you can do about it."

Her moan echoed through the precinct as everyone stayed silent to listen to their co-worker and friend.

Huang was scribbling away at his notebook vigorously whilst everyone else looked on.

They watched as her trembling body rose and headed straight for the camera. They could see how scared she was, it was written on ever part of her face.

"I hope you can see me asshole because I'm not going to be here long. You're messing with a cop! Do you know how many amazing cops are out there looking for me? And you? Fin, Munch, Elliot and Cragen are gonna fucking kill you when they get their hands on you but they're going to have to do it before I do!"

Each man wiped the tears from their eyes, they knew she was scared and worried but she was always so brave, courageous and they were so proud that she was trying something other than just sitting there and wallowing.

"I need you guys so much, I love you all...If I don't make it out of here... God I'll never get to laugh with you in the bullpen again, it's never gonna be the same is it? I miss you all. I've never needed you all like I need you now."

Her breaking voice was all they needed to make them cry. The four men, sobbing silently for the woman they adored, they loved her and they were very determined to find her.

"Munch, Fin, get on to CSU find what they've got from tossing his numerous properties, if you get anything bring it in and we'll take it from there, every cop in Manhattan is working this case. We may have the lead on it but you have every Detective out there trying to do something and we can't just sit here and ... Just go!" He sighed cupping his face in his hands. "Well Huang, how is she?"

"She's Olivia." He gave a light chuckle which made Elliot and Cragen realise that this was good news.

"What do you mean doc?" Elliot asked hopeful.

"She's purposely trying to play into his hands, she's not brainwashed, not yet anyway. You heard her she said ..." Huang looked at his notes. "... She said _Just when you think you're getting it right Olivia you screw up._ She was trying to play into his hands but she went a little too far. She isn't stupid and she's not thinking like a victim yet. Yes, she's calling out for all of you but like I've said before, it's when she stops asking for you and speaking out to you that you need to worry, she still feel's connected to you at the moment." Huang explained.

"And him?" Elliot asked not wanting to say his name.

"That's a different matter all together Elliot, I won't tell you he's sane because he's clearly not. Toby McArthur is dangerous and he is going to snap, I don't know when and I don't know how but ... we just need to get Olivia before it happens." Huang sighed and rubbed his forehead, he cared about Olivia too and it was killing him that all they could do was watch and listen.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 5.30 pm

Olivia lay on the now blown up bed, she was staring at the plain white ceiling and her mind was in overdrive.

_You've got to fight him Liv, you can do this, overpower him and put him in the sleeper hold and that will give you enough time to find how to open the door. Just do something but let him treat you like this. He took you from your home Olivia, from your bed and left a sick note to your fiancé. Elliot._

"Oh Elliot." She sighed as tears stung her face. "God I miss you."

She heard the heavy door open and for a moment she didn't move, she knew what she had to do and she was going to try and do it with every fibre of her being. She was going to fight back.

"Olivia?" Toby's voice asked gently.

She sat up and looked at him, needing to remember that he was her captor, a perp and not some friend or acquaintance.

"What is it Toby?" She asked softly as she got to her feet.

"I've bought a duvet and some pillows. I was wondering if maybe we could make the bed together." He suggested dropping the load from his arms.

"Ok." Olivia smiled gently at him as her mind put a plan into action.

_Once he's off guard Liv, punch him, in the face and then get behind him and try and put him in a sleeper hold._

Slowly she helped him unwrap the bed sheets and begin to make the bed.

"You know, you're very pretty when you smile Olivia." Toby smiled as he handed Olivia one corner of the duvet.

"Thank you Toby." She smiled at him and made eye contact.

He dropped the duvet and put his hand on her face.

Do the same Olivia.

She pressed her hand to his cheek, kept the eye contact and the smile. Her thumb brushed his cheek and as he gazed almost lovingly into her eyes she swung back her fist and threw it into his face.

As he stumbled back he clutched onto his nose all of Olivia's defences crept into action. She kicked him right into his stomach and he fell and slid into the wall. She ran to him and kicked him a couple more times until it was visible that he wasn't getting up again soon. Her knee was at his throat as she went to search his pockets but he grabbed both her wrists.

"Don't even think about it Olivia." He hissed.

She looked into his eyes, they'd changed, they looked darker and angrier and his face was covered in blood. She stumbled backwards as she tried to pull out of his grasp. He cackled menacingly as she became more distressed. He threw her backwards and she flew into the wall her back slamming into the wall.

"That was a big mistake!" He yelled as he picked her up by the hair.

She struggled, all her defences had snuck in and she wasn't about take anything lying down.

He punched her. It connected with her jaw and she yelled out in pain. He punched her again and she screamed, one high pitch scream echoed around the room. He dropped her and she tumbled to the ground but he wasn't done with her yet. He kicked her in the stomach and she screamed again, she tried to close herself and make herself as small as possible but it made him angrier as his punches rained down on her arms, chest and legs. She stopped screaming and just held on hoping that the next punch would be his last.

The beating stopped and she didn't move, she heard the door slam but still she didn't move. She was crying but she wasn't going to show him that.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 5.30 pm

Elliot, Huang and Cragen had been joined by Alex and Casey at the screens. They all just watched motionless as Olivia lay on the mattress.

"Oh Elliot, God I miss you." Her voice echoed around the precinct.

"I miss you too Liv, you just hold on baby." He replied having found it was the only thing he could do to stop himself breaking down in tears.

When Toby entered the room Olivia was in everyone seem to sit up straighter and pay more attention to what was happening.

Everyone was confused as they watched him wanting to make the bed up with her, the only movement around the screen was Huang's vigorous scribbling.

"What is she doing?" Casey asked as they watched Olivia and Toby standing side by side at the end of the bed.

"You know, you're very pretty when you smile Olivia."

"That voice sends chills down my spine." Alex shivered as she watched the interaction unfold in front of her.

Olivia's smile warmed everyone's hearts even though what was happening in front of them scared the living daylights out of them.

"Don't Liv!" Elliot whimpered as he watched Olivia's hand stroke her captor's cheek.

He thought she was brainwashed, he was convinced of it.

As Olivia's punch connected with Toby's face everyone's hearts leapt, this could be it! They watched her kick him the way she had been taught to break down a door and they couldn't help but feel some excitement because she was fighting back, they knew she wasn't brainwashed yet because she was fighting him.

"Come on Liv!" Elliot called desperately as he watched her fly her knee into him and begin searching for the key.

"No, no, no!" He cried when he saw Toby grab her by the wrists. "Fuck no!" He cried.

Casey and Alex looked away as Olivia was being beaten. Elliot could barely see through his tears and Cragen looked at the ground, the only one really able to watch what was happening was Huang whose eyes flickered repeatedly from the screen to his notebook as he vigorously wrote. The slamming of the door made them all snap and look again. All that was to be seen was Olivia's tiny figure curled up and shaking with sobs.

"What's the update Doc?" Cragen asked wanting to take this chance to find out what Huang was making of it all.

"Olivia's playing dangerously, she loured him into a false sense of security and connected with him and then she attacked him. She's being defensive and she's desperate to get out and she obviously planned that, I'm guessing when she was lying down silently that she was planning on trying something as she's desperate. Him on the other hand, the whole thing with the blankets ... I mean , I think he's playing her too, I think he's trying to pull her into a false sense of security and once she's there he's going to turn on her... I don't know how but he will and that's ..." Huang gulped and looked from Elliot to Cragen. "That's what I'm most afraid of." He finished his voice almost a whisper.

"Captain we've got something!" Fin yelled running into the bullpen and to the screens.

"What is it?" He asked taking the file from Fin.

"In one of the properties, the one that looked most lived in, there was a detailed plan of how he was going to get Olivia... he's been watching her and Elliot for months and he scribbled somewhere that he would have to wait for Elliot to be called on a case and slip into the apartment quickly after because he was forgetful and she wouldn't expect anything when she heard the door." Fin explained as Cragen read through what they had found.

"Anything else?" Elliot asked desperately.

"We found a list of possible locations but he's trained in explosives, people are checking out all the properties from the outside and if any are found to be suspicious then we'll make a plan of attack." Fin explained his hand resting on Elliot's shoulder.

"Ok." Elliot nodded feeling so helpless he couldn't even muster up any words.

"We'll find her Elliot." Fin sighed giving Elliot's shoulder a squeeze.

"Ok Fin, keep us posted." Cragen sighed handing the file back and turning his attention back to the screen.

"They have to find her Cap." Elliot whispered.

"I know Son, and we will, that's my little girl in there and we are going to find her." Cragen replied, trying to reassure himself as much as Elliot.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 6.50 pm

"Olivia." Toby whispered coming into the room again.

She didn't move, she didn't want to look at him.

"Olivia please." He pleaded walking towards her.

She still didn't move, she knew that he was going to hurt her again at some point and she didn't want to be hurt anymore.

He walked towards her and knelt down beside her. Slowly, he placed his hand on her arm and stroked her. She shivered with fear but he didn't move, he continued to stroke her arm as softly and as gently as he could manage.

"I'm sorry Olivia, you just have to stop fighting me, I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me." He whispered.

She didn't want to look at him but slowly she unravelled herself.

"I just don't know what you want from me." She hiccupped as she sat up.

"I'll tell you soon, when you're ready I'll tell you but until then..." He pressed a hand to her cheek. "Until then I need you to trust me."

All she could do was nod, she knew he was right, if she stopped fighting him and maybe even trust him then there was a chance she'd get out of there alive.

"Just trust me Olivia." He whispered as he stroked her cheek.

Her eyes were closed but she rubbed her cheek into his hand, needing to feel some connection to him that would show he wouldn't hurt her again.

"Sorry." She whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry too." He replied wiping the tear away.

"I'm so sorry." She said again as more tears flooded down her cheek.

He wrapped his arms around her in an embrace, she clutched to him as she sobbed, desperate to feel something other than desperate need for this man not to hurt her again. She knew that she should hate this man but the kindness he was showing her was making her slowly unable to feel anything but need for him.

"Now are you hungry Olivia?" He asked her as her crying subsided.

"A little." She replied, still holding onto his arms which were still entwined around her.

"I'll go and get us something to eat, just hang tight, why don't you try and get some sleep?" He smiled and he helped her to her feet.

"I'll do that." She nodded a weak smile on her face.

"Good. I won't be long." He leant in and kissed her forehead, she quivered and crossed her arms and watched as he walked out the door.

As soon as she was sure he was gone she fell to her knees as sobs wracked her frail body once again.

"Elliot! God Elliot! I need you to find me and fast, I don't know what's wrong with me but I think ... I don't know what I think anymore, I love you Elliot but ... I don't know Toby's doing something to my mind, all I can do is need him. I want to hate him Elliot but I can't. Please find me before anything else happens, find me Elliot!" She pleaded to the open air.

It took a good five minutes for her to calm herself down enough to go to the bed. Slowly she climbed into it and wrapped herself tight into the duvet.

"I love you El." She whispered just seconds before her fatigue won and pulled her into a deep sleep.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 6.50 pm

"We've got something!" Elliot called as he and Huang were the only ones keeping vigil beside the screens.

Cragen, Fin, Alex and Casey rushed up to them, taking the empty chairs that they'd placed for the people who wanted to watch.

They watched Toby call to Olivia and watched as she ignored him, they didn't know what to do but watch as the scene in front of them unfolded. They watched intently as Toby went over to her.

"I'm sorry Olivia, you just have to stop fighting me, I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me."

"Too late for that pal! You're dead when I get my hands on you!" Elliot yelled at the screen.

"I just don't know what you want from me."

"I'll tell you soon, when you're ready I'll tell you but until then...Until then I need you to trust me."

"Don't Olivia! Please God don't!" Elliot pleaded.

"What is she...?" Alex gasped as she watched Olivia rubbed her cheek into Toby's hand.

"Brainwashed." Casey sighed. "He's brainwashed her hasn't he? He's succeeded."

As they apologised to each other on the screen everyone just watched with fresh tears in their eyes. When Olivia broke out in sobs and held onto Toby everyone watching gasped in unison.

"No!" Elliot yelled desperately. "God no!"

"Huang?" Cragen asked shakily.

"He's wining." Huang sighed as he shook his head.

"No! Olivia fight him please!" Casey screamed.

"Come on Liv!" Alex added.

"Guys, there's no use shouting at the TV!" Cragen snapped.

"Makes us feel a little less helpless!" Elliot screamed at him.

"Yelling at me isn't going to bring her back Elliot!" Cragen replied viciously.

Elliot stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest. He quickly took back his seat and looked at the screen as he tried to calm himself down, as he knew he needed to be calm.

"Captain we've had another tip, a man claims he worked in a lab with Toby and is on the way over with some information that may be of use." Munch said as he walked towards the crowd, half of them watching Olivia calling for Elliot.

"Let us know when he gets here Munch." Cragen replied.

"Ok Captain, no problem." He said and he glanced at the screen before rushing off with tears in his eyes.

"Well George, what's the update?" Cragen asked having missed most of what had happened on the screen.

"She's falling into his trap, she knows she is too but she knows there's nothing she can do about it even though she is still fighting it." Huang explained.

"Shit." Was all Cragen managed to reply.

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	5. 5 Bathing

**A/N – Glad to see you're enjoying so far, stay with me, it gets worse!**

**BY THE WAY – THESE CHAPTERS ****WILL**** CONTAIN SCENES OF VIOLENCE/ SOME SEXUAL/ READ AT YOUR OWN DESCRETION. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

"_She's falling into his trap, she knows she is too but she knows there's nothing she can do about it even though she is still fighting it." Huang explained. _

"_Shit." Was all Cragen managed to reply._

Chapter five – Bathing

**Somewhere**

April 1st, 8.49 pm

"Thanks." Olivia smiled as she placed the now empty Chinese carton down.

"You're welcome are you full?" Toby asked as he placed his own carton down.

"Yeah, thanks." She smiled.

"Good, now how about I run you a bath?" He asked.

"Please." Olivia answered deciding instantly that a bath would be nice.

"Ok. I'll come and get you when it's ready." Toby replied and he grabbed the food tray and Olivia watched as he left her on her own once again.

She sighed and went over to sit on the bed, she didn't know what to do anymore, she'd given up fighting him and she hoped that he had finished beating the crap out of her too because she knew she was covered in bruises from his earlier attack, she was aching all over from the harsh beating he had given her.

_It's my own fault, if only I'd listened to him sooner. I don't know why it took me so long to comply with him, he just wants to be friend or something or wants me to work a cold case or something because he hasn't hurt me or snapped at me since I fought him. _

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 8.59 pm

"This is horrible." Elliot sighed, he'd just watched Olivia eat dinner with her captor and was now thanking him.

"Elliot, she has Stockholm, that's not a problem, that can be treated." Huang replied.

"Yes, months of intensive therapy for less than 24 hours in his care ... even I'm going insane! Care? In his captive or whatever!" He groaned.

"She'll get through this Elliot but right now I'm concerned about you, how are you holding up?" Huang asked.

"I'm fine, and don't need a shrink." Elliot snapped.

Huang said nothing but gave a small sigh as he turned his attention back to the screen where Olivia was sitting on the bed staring into nothing.

"Elliot, the guy with a tip is here!" Cragen called from the entrance to the bullpen.

"Call me if anything changes." Elliot sighed before climbing out of his seat and rushing over to the interrogation rooms.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 9.03 pm

"Put this on." Toby sighed as he came into the room.

Olivia took the garments he was holding out to her and stared at him.

"Just wait till I tell you to change, I won't watch I promise but wait till I tell you through the tanoy." He explained.

"Ok." She nodded as she looked at the black fabric in her hand.

She watched as he left and waited a moment unsure what to do but look at the garments.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 9.06 pm

"No!" Huang yelled as the screens in front of him went black. "Someone tell Stabler!" He called into the bullpen.

It took seconds for the message to get to Elliot who was listening in on an interrogation.

"What happened?" He asked desperately.

"It just went off." Huang shrugged as he looked at the still black screens in front of him.

"Shit, what happened just before?" Elliot asked.

"He gave her something and told her to change and told her that he wouldn't watch and to wait until he told her through the tanoy before changing." Huang explained.

"He's... He's hiding her changing... why? He doesn't want any of us to see her change." Elliot explained out loud.

"That makes sense." Huang replied.

"I'm looking for a Detective Stabler!" a delivery guy called from the door.

"That's me!" Elliot replied rushing to him.

The delivery guy handed Elliot a package and had him sign a clipboard before leaving. Elliot tore at the package like an animal and found yet another transmitter for live feeds.

"I need to plug this in." He explained and he plugged the transmitter into one of the screens and up popped a bathroom.

"What?" Was all he managed to say as he slumped in his chair to watch.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 9.06 pm

"You can change now Olivia." The voice echoed around the room.

Olivia went over to the bed and looked closer at the garments. She found it was a black two piece swimsuit. Not understanding what he meant by making her wear it she reluctantly stripped and changed hoping to God that he wasn't watching her as she changed.

Once she was down to her underwear she saw deep purple bruises all over her. Believing that he wasn't listening she rushed over to the two way and looked at her bare body. She turned slowly so she could see her sides and back. The caramel skin she was used to looking at was now purple and blue with fresh bruises, there was barely any caramel to be seen.

Sighing she rushed over to the swimsuit and finished changing as quickly as she could hoping a bath would help her aching body.

"I'm done!" She called into the empty room hoping that he could at least hear her.

She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the duvet around her freezing body. When she heard the door opening she stood up quickly.

"Come on then Olivia, I've ran you a hot bath." Toby smiled holding the door open so she could leave.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 9.23 pm

"They're in!" Huang called to Elliot who was mid conversation with Cragen.

Elliot stopped talking abruptly and rushed to the screens. He stared up at the screen where Olivia and Toby were.

"She's purple." Elliot sighed seeing the bruised body in front of him. "And what is she wearing?"

They could only watch as Olivia looked up at Toby, her eyes filled with fatigue more than anything else.

"I'm not leaving you alone, you broke the window last time." Toby's voice filled the squad room.

Cragen had also come to join them at the screen followed quickly by Casey and Alex who had been making coffee for everyone.

"Ok." Olivia's voice made everyone shiver.

"Get in then." Toby said giving her his arm for her to use as leverage.

They all watched as Olivia climbed into the bath and sit down. She bought her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them resting her chin on her knees in the process.

"What the fuck!" Elliot gasped as he watched Toby place shower gel on a body puff and begin to wash Olivia's back.

She had tears in her eye and thanks to the good quality camera and screens everyone could see them slip silently down her cheeks, Olivia making no attempt to stop them or hide them.

Elliot was also in tears, silent tears just like Olivia and again he made no attempt t stop them or hide them. His heart was bleeding for her, he wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be alright.

"We've got to find her." He whispered to no one in particular.

"We will Elliot, we will this guy with this new information is going to get us that one step closer." Cragen replied not taking his eyes from the screens in front of him.

"I'm just going to wash your hair, lean back." Toby's voice echoed around them.

They could only watch as Olivia bent her neck so her head was back and Toby used a jug to wet her brown locks.

"Is the water too cold?" He asked after the first jug of water spilt over her head.

"It's fine." She replied her voice hoarse.

"Sit up I'll shampoo you now." He told her and she complied, with no energy to fight anymore and not really seeing the point of fighting.

Huang was vigorously taking notes again, needing to keep himself busy as much as needing to profile Toby McArthur and watch the psychological affects happening to Olivia.

Toby massaged shampoo into Olivia's dark hair and slowly she sunk into his touch, the treatment relaxing her a little.

"Good?" Toby asked her seeing how affected she was.

"Mhh." As all she managed as she closed her eyes allowing him to massage her scalp further.

"I'm glad." He replied softly.

Elliot swallowed hard. He'd done this to her before, he'd washed her hair when they'd shared baths and he knew how she enjoyed it, enjoyed relaxing into it. He knew how it could lift the tension off her mind and body.

"I can't ..." He suppressed a sob as he got to his feet.

Cragen turned to him and watched him walk away, it was hurting both of them but Cragen was hurting even more seeing how it affected Elliot.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 9.47 pm

"Ok and lean back again Olivia so I can wash this out." Toby explained picking up the jug again.

Olivia complied, her breath heavy with relaxation. Toby rinsed all the shampoo out of her hair as quickly as he could not wanting Olivia too lose the relaxation the shampoo had caused.

"Sit up again and I'll condition it." He smiled gently.

Olivia again complied. She rested her head on her knees as Toby massaged her scalp with the conditioner. She couldn't help but find it relaxing as his fingers worked into her head rubbing her scalp gently.

"Lean back." He said once again picking up the jug.

Olivia was disappointed that it had ended, it was starting to dawn on her how much she had enjoyed it and that she was now enjoying the company of her captor and how well he treated her. There was a phrase stuck in her mind and she knew that at the moment, she was sane enough to know what was happening but she knew, if she didn't get out soon she'd have full blown Stockholm syndrome.

**THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN VERY DETAILED VIOLENCE, IF THIS ISN'T YOUR THING, SWITCH OFF NOW!**


	6. 6 Raping

**A/N – Glad to see you're enjoying so far, stay with me, it gets worse!**

**BY THE WAY – THESE CHAPTERS ****WILL**** CONTAIN SCENES OF VIOLENCE/ SOME SEXUAL/ READ AT YOUR OWN DESCRETION. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

_Olivia was disappointed that it had ended, it was starting to dawn on her how much she had enjoyed it and that she was now enjoying the company of her captor and how well he treated her. There was a phrase stuck in her mind and she knew that at the moment, she was sane enough to know what was happening but she knew, if she didn't get out soon she'd have full blown Stockholm syndrome. _

Chapter six – Raping

**Somewhere**

April 1st, 10.03 pm

Toby picked up a large fluffy towel. Olivia slowly stood up, shaking with the cold air hitting her warm skin. As she stepped out of the bath he wrapped her up in the white towel making her feel very uncomfortable.

"There's a night gown on the toilet seat. Get changed, don't try and escape because I will kill you if you try again." He told her before going out of the door.

She sighed, she knew not to try and escape but she looked up at the now boarded up window hopeful. Slowly she dried off her skin and slipped off the swimsuit. She picked up the night gown and stared at it. The silk fabric was a light pink, it was plain and simple. Olivia slipped it over her head and found that it didn't even reach the top of her knees, she felt uncomfortable and wished he'd given her some underwear but wishing got her nowhere. She quickly used the toilet and then knocked on the door to let him know that she was done.

Silently he lead her back to the room that she was slowly calling home, it made her feel less homesick and stopped her from missing Elliot too much.

"Get to bed, I'll give you fifteen minutes before I turn the light off. I'll bring you some bottled water too, in case you get thirsty." He explained.

She said nothing but climbed onto the bed and under the covers. Slowly tears made their way down her cheeks as she wondered how long she would be held captive, she wondered if Elliot and the gang back at the one six were close to finding her or even trying to find her, what happened if Elliot thought she'd gotten cold feet and ran? She couldn't deny that she still felt fearful that she was about to spend the rest of her life like this.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 10.10 pm

Elliot, Cragen, Munch and Fin were all gathered around a table they had set up by the screens so they could watch and work. The tip guy had been in and handed over lots of research that he had been given by Toby McArthur relating to the investigation in every sense.

"So this boy, Leo Thompson, he is the lab assistant of Toby McArthur?" Elliot asked trying to get the facts straight in his head.

"Yes, Toby McArthur is a scientist that specialises and researches emotional and behavioural responses." Munch replied.

"So what does that have to do with Olivia?" Elliot asked desperately wanting to understand what the men in front of him understood.

"The reason he has taken Olivia is to experiment how quickly the crimes she faces in her job will affect her when the crimes are committed against her." Cragen explained.

"What? This guy is gonna ... no! He's not! He can't!" Elliot was panicking at the sudden realisation of what could happen to Olivia.

He looked at the screen where he could see her wrapped under a duvet, with glistening tear tracks on her cheeks.

"We have to find her! How much closer are you?" Elliot pleaded.

"Leo Thompson has given us the names of five labs in Manhattan that Toby McArthur has contact with, we have teams from Major Crimes and Anti Terror checking them out and the second they think they have found her Elliot we'll be out of her and on our way to get her ok?" Cragen explained his hand squeezing Elliot's shoulder as he stared at the screen in front of him, tears in his own eyes.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 10.15 pm

"Good night Olivia." Toby whispered as he placed a bottle of water beside the bed.

"Night." She mumbled already nearing sleep.

He left the room as quietly as he could and Olivia let out a deep sigh, she missed her own bed, her own friends and family.

"Night Elliot." She said before finally drifting into an uneasy sleep.

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**1-6 Precinct, Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 10.39 pm

"Anything?" Elliot asked as Munch and Fin entered the squad room.

For the past half an hour he had been watching Olivia sleep through what was now a night vision camera. He'd been silently praying that no harm would come to her tonight, that they'd get to her in time.

"No, but we've been given this by Morales down in the tech lab, it's a portable screen so when we do find her, we'll be able to watch her the whole time." Fin replied passing the small device to Elliot.

"Good, I don't want to take my eyes off her." Elliot mumbled. "Thanks."

"No problem, Major Crimes has only checked one of the premises Elliot, there's still hope so don't give up man." Fin explained gently.

"Just keep me updated." Elliot replied before resuming his seat beside Huang.

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**Somewhere**

April 1st 11.02 pm

Olivia's light snores filled the large, empty room. She was too far asleep to hear the door open and close. She was woken when she felt the weight of the air bed beneath her change dramatically. Her eyes flashed open and as she was about to scream a hand covered her mouth.

"Don't bother wasting your energy screaming Olivia." Toby's voice hissed into her ears.

Her eyes were wide with fear, she knew what was coming and she knew there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

"Are you going to scream?" He asked her.

Being unable to talk she shook her head. Slowly, he removed his hand allowing her to catch her breath.

"Don't." She gasped desperately.

"I'm sorry Olivia, it has to be done." He replied before crashing his lips to hers.

She fought back. Struggling against him she managed to put her hands on each shoulder and mustering all the energy she had, she pushed him off her making him tumble back.

"That... That was a big mistake!" He yelled getting up.

Olivia was running on adrenaline when she jumped from the air bed and ran to the furthest end of the room.

"Don't screw with me Olivia!" Toby roared rushing towards her in the dark.

Slowly she moved hoping that he wouldn't be able to see her as the room was so dark but his eyes had adjusted well and it was almost like he was sensing her when he finally pounded and grabbed her by the biceps. She struggled as he lifted her from the floor.

"Please! Get off me!" Olivia screamed. Moans and whimpers of desperation passing her lips as she struggled.

He threw her face first onto the air bed and she bounced before landing on the floor. He dived onto her and she struggled, every ounce of his weight on her back as he grasped for her arms.

"Don't Toby! God please don't do this!" She pleaded as he grasped one wrist.

She felt the cold of metal before she heard the unmistakable click of the handcuffs. Desperately she fought against him, knowing that in a moment he'd get the second wrist and then she'd be completely helpless.

"Don't! Get Off me! Please don't!" She screamed as he finally grabbed hold of her second wrist.

She didn't stop struggling and as she fought a searing pain hit the wrist still in his hand. They both knew that the wrist had broken but it didn't stop either of them. Olivia was screaming out in pain and distress while he was grunting fighting back against her. It took a good few minutes for him to finally lock the second wrist into the handcuffs and Olivia sobbed hoping he would stop.

He picked her up from the floor by her shoulders and she kicked and kicked against him but it was to no avail as he placed her down on the bed and rolled her squirming body over to face him.

"Don't!" she begged.

He thrust his hand up her dress and she gasped as his thumb stroked her slit.

"Wow Olivia." He cackled.

She struggled as much as she could against him but he had her pinned at the waist with one arm and the other was very much under her night gown fumbling with her most privet area.

"Get off me!" She yelled hoarsely through her sobs.

"Mmmh!" Was all he said and she could see in the dark that he was licking his lips.

She had braced herself for his next movement but she still yelled out in pain and anger as he thrust one finger deep inside of her. She continued to struggle and fight as much as she could finding all the energy she could muster but it just made him worse as he shoved a second finger into her making her call out again.

"Just enjoy it Olivia, you might as well." He laughed.

That was all she needed, she managed to pull back one of her legs and kick him in the chest sending him flying from her but she also screamed as his finger nails tore at her insides before coming free.

Sobbing she stood and ran for the door but one kick wasn't going to stop him as he pressed her from behind into the door.

"You will enjoy this Olivia, if it's the last thing I ever do." He hissed evilly into her ear.

"God don't!" She begged.

He wasn't listening as he slowly unzipped his pants, he'd gone commando knowing, having planned this, that there was a high chance she'd fight him.

Feeling his hard member up against her she swallowed the bile in her throat before screaming as loud as she could.

"Stop screaming Olivia!" He cackled as he tore at her dress.

She felt it momentarily choking her before ripping from her skin leaving her completely nude. She continued to squirm as much as she could even though all of his weight was leaning up against her.

"Don't! Please Stop!" She screamed.

It was still to no avail as he forced her legs apart with his knee. She screamed again knowing that it didn't make any difference but it made her feel a little less helpless.

Seconds after her scream he thrust his erect penis into her making her gasp and whimper.

"Don't! God please don't!" She begged as he started thrusting in and out of her.

She continued to struggle but that just seemed to excite him more as he thrust harder and faster aiming to release inside of her.

"Get off me! Please don't do this! Stop please God Toby please stop!" She called hoping that she could trigger him to turn nice again, like he had been when he bathed her and when they'd eaten together.

"Just enjoy it Olivia, I know I am." He hissed and she felt more bile rise in her throat.

She was close to giving up. So close to just letting him do what he wanted to her but when she heard him call out her name in ecstasy and pull out of her she struggled even more, fearful of what he had planned next.

The wait wasn't long as he dragged her by the hair back to the bed. He lay her down and she continued to fight against him, kicking her legs in every direction desperately.

"Don't!" She begged as he knelt down over her.

He didn't listen. He pulled her leg around his waist so that she couldn't kick him again and he held them tight under his arms. Her shoulders still struggled as he bent over and licked her aching slit.

"Blood? Sorry." He laughed knowing it was him that had caused it.

This still didn't stop him as he slowly licked her. She sobbed as fatigue slowed her struggled and he enjoyed poking his tongue in and out of her, using his tongue to flick at her clit making her gasp and whimper, he hoped it was out of pleasure, but it was out of fear.

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**Really don't know where I am going with it but it seems to me that people are enjoying this story, quick question though, do you only want to read till she's rescued or would you like some of the aftermath too?**


	7. 7 Rescuing

**A/N – Glad to see you're enjoying so far, stay with me, it gets worse!**

**BY THE WAY – THESE CHAPTERS ****WILL**** CONTAIN SCENES OF VIOLENCE/ SOME SEXUAL/ READ AT YOUR OWN DESCRETION. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

_This still didn't stop him as he slowly licked her. She sobbed as fatigue slowed her struggled and he enjoyed poking his tongue in and out of her, using his tongue to flick at her clit making her gasp and whimper, he hoped it was out of pleasure, but it was out of fear. _

Chapter seven – Rescuing

**Manhattan SVU**

April 1st 11.02 pm

"No! No! No!" Elliot yelled as the green and black night vision figure of Toby McArthur climbed onto the bed.

His heart hammered in his chest. Olivia's voice filled his head but the words were incoherent to him, he could only see what was happening and know what would become the inevitable.

"Please God leave her alone!" He pleaded to the thin air as George Huang scribbled vigorously beside him. "Fight baby, fight!" Elliot pleaded desperately.

Cragen could hear Olivia's pleas and rushed over to the screen followed by Alex and Casey whom he had been talking with.

"No." Cragen's gasp filled the room.

"Olivia." Casey croaked her eyes brimming with glistening tears.

"Oh my God." Alex whispered.

Everyone could only watch, the feeling of helplessness filling them up more as the seconds ticked by feeling like minutes.

"Run baby!" Elliot pleaded.

"We've got them!" Fin screamed rushing into the bullpen.

"Where?" Cragen asked as everyone but Elliot turned to look at Fin.

"Mount Vernon, bomb squad is disarming as we speak!" Fin explained.

"Quick! Elliot, Elliot! Change to the portable come on we're going to get her!" Cragen told him.

Elliot needn't have been told twice as he tore the device from the big screen and shoved it into the portable knowing that he needed to see what was happening in order to help Olivia once she was safe. Huang kept beside him, him also knowing that if he saw what happened it would be easier to help her in the long run.

They all made their way to the police Sudan's waiting at the door of the 1-6. Cragen had muttered something about a plan of travel but Elliot hadn't been listening, he was too focused on Olivia.

"Oh my God he broke her wrist!" Elliot gasped as he watched the scene in front of him unfold.

"We'll get her Elliot. We'll get her and she's going to be ok." Cragen reassured himself as much as Elliot.

"She's going to be so damaged from this though Cap, my sweet little Olivia." Elliot hiccupped back his sobs as he tried to focus again on the small screen.

Huang's eyes flicked from the screen to his notepad as he vigorously took notes, he knew he would have to give Olivia months of therapy for her to even begin getting her life back together and the more information he had about what she went through the easier it would be for him to help her in the long run.

"Get off me!" Olivia's cries filled the small car bringing tears into everyone's eyes, all of them desperate to arrive Mount Vernon and save her as soon as they could.

"Come on baby fight!" Elliot screamed just before Olivia took a large kick sending Toby flying.

Elliot's heart was beating loud and hard in his chest as he watched Olivia grasp at the door, then he watched Toby McArthur slam into her, tear at her dress and leave her nude.

"God don't." Elliot pleaded knowing exactly what would happen next.

Olivia's screams echoed once again from the small screen in Elliot's lap. He could see it happening, the man that was Toby McArthur separating Olivia's legs with his knees and when he saw the erect penis thrust inside of her he desperately had to stop himself from vomiting. Huang looked at Elliot who just heaved managing just about, to keep everything down.

They listened to Olivia's pleas and Toby's grunts and moans of pleasure. It made everyone in the car sick to their stomach but they knew watching it would help in the long run, they just wished it wasn't live and that this wasn't happening somewhere in Mount Vernon at that very moment.

"Oliiiiivvviiiiaaaaaaa!" Toby's cries in ecstasy filled the car as he climaxed.

Once again Elliot heaved. This was killing him and he didn't know how much longer he could watch as Toby slipped his penis out of Olivia and dragged her to the bed.

"Leave her alone!" Elliot called desperately.

Suddenly the car came to a screeching halt. Elliot took a minute to dive out the car and look around. They were outside a very large plain white building, a sign told them it was a behavioural lab and Elliot just felt sicker. The paparazzi swarmed the place, the story of the missing detective had been all over the news since Elliot had found out she was missing. The bomb squad was hard at work near the door a decent perimeter around them clear in case they couldn't disarm it.

"Oliiiiivvviiiiaaaaaaa!" Toby's cries in ecstasy filled the air as he climaxed.

"We're clear!" One of the men from the bomb squad yelled.

Elliot, Cragen, Munch and Fin followed the EMT's and bomb squad inside. There were signs leading to the behaviour analysis suite and they were following them quietly, Huang now had the portable screen outside and he was waiting for Cragen's all clear for him to follow them inside.

"Blood? Sorry."Toby's voice carried from behind a closed door.

Elliot clenched his fists knowing he was seconds away from coming face to face with the man who had kidnapped, assaulted and raped his fiancé.

"Stay cool Elliot." Cragen whispered as the bomb squad checked the door.

Seconds felt like minutes before the bomb squad broke down the door.

"NYPD Step away from the girl!" Fin yelled as all four detectives stepped in with their guns.

Olivia dived from the bed and into the furthest corner of the room, wrapping herself as small as she could. Toby stood up, his hands up by his head and a sickening grin on his face.

"Well done detectives, you caught me, but not until I did some real damage!" He sniggered as Munch slapped him in cuffs.

Elliot ran up to him and threw a punch, easily breaking his nose which came out of the punch bloodied up.

"Elliot!" Cragen called to him. "Olivia." He added.

Elliot turned to look at the naked, shaking body in the corner. He grabbed the duvet just as the EMT's rushed in.

"Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Get off me!" Olivia screamed frantically her arms flailing desperately.

"Olivia, Liv baby it's me, it's Elliot." Elliot replied gently and calmly.

"El?" Olivia asked lifting her head to look at him.

His blue eyes bet her brown ones. Hers looked sick and damaged where she could only see love in his.

"I'm right here Liv." Elliot told her gently.

"I thought I'd never see you again." She hiccupped as her body wracked with sobs.

"That was never going to happen." Elliot whispered gently stroking her face.

"We need to check you over Miss Benson, before we go to the ambulance." One of the EMT's said gently crouching in front of her.

"No! Get away from me! Get away from me! Now! Move get away from me!" Olivia screamed as Elliot held her tight to him.

"Move!" Elliot told the EMT angrily knowing that she was distressing Olivia. "Shh I've got you Liv, I'm here, I've got you."

Huang entered the room and stood by Cragen.

"What's wrong with her?" Cragen asked.

"She's traumatised, no one but Elliot is going to get close to her for a while." Huang explained.

"She needs to get to a hospital." Cragen whispered.

"Elliot is going to have to stay right by her, she probably was thinking only of him when all of this was happening and its him she trusts right now, we just have to be patient with her. Elliot can get her into the ambulance and to the hospital but then I guess I'll have to talk to her a bit before she lets a doctor or nurse anywhere near her." Huang explained further.

"This is killing me George." Cragen replied hoarsely the tears in his eyes threatening to spill.

"Me too." Huang answered honestly.

"Elliot, you need to take her to the ambulance and get her to the hospital, she needs to get out of here." Cragen said as soft as he could not wanting to panic Olivia any further.

"Just give me a minute." Elliot whispered as he rocked a sobbing Olivia backwards and forwards.

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**Ok so a really short chapter, this is the way I planned to end it originally but you all want some of the aftermath, how does this sound – The hospital, the arraignment, viewing the tape, treatment, and court and sentencing sound? Let me know!**


	8. 8 Suffering

**A/N – Thanks for all the immense feedback on the other chapters, I'm in awe of all the support for this story!**

**I've only just realised NOW when RE-READING that I put a lot of things in italics but they didn't show up in the story! The note that was left when Olivia was kidnapped, her thoughts, this is screwed up man! Anyone know why this is because there is more in other chapters that have showed up!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Eight – Suffering

**Mercy General Hospital**

April 2nd 1.34 am

As the ambulance pulled up outside the hospital Olivia was still sat in Elliot's lap refusing to allow the medic anywhere near her. The back doors swung open and a team of medics were waiting for them. Olivia panicked seeing everyone and buried herself further into Elliot. Uniformed officers had to make a barrier stopping the paparazzi from getting to close to the ambulance and Elliot wanted some calm so he could explain what was going on to the medics urgently needing to give Olivia medical attention.

"She won't move from him." The EMT told one of the medics outside the ambulance.

"Sir, can you carry her?" The medic asked Elliot who just managed a weak nod.

"Liv, baby, I'm just going to lift you ok? I won't let go I promise." Elliot told her.

She nodded weakly, too distraught to speak, Elliot lifted her into his arms cradling her as he stepped out of the ambulance. Flashes from the cameras around him momentarily blinded him as he waited to be told where to go.

"We have a privet room set up, this way." The doctor told him and Elliot followed the team of medics to the room they'd set up for Olivia, to keep her away from the press.

"Just in here." The medic smiled gently.

Elliot went into the room and began to place Olivia on the bed.

"Don't! Don't put me down! Please!" Olivia yelled.

"Ok baby! I've got you. I'm going to get on the bed with you ok?" He explained.

"Ok." She whispered.

"I have to put you down just for a second so I can climb on too." Elliot explained and Olivia nodded before he placed her gently on the bed.

He climbed on behind her and then pulled her into his lap. He could feel her shaking and he slowly rubbed her, trying to comfort her and put some heat into her naked body only covered by the thin duvet.

"Olivia, they need to examine you and patch you up baby." Elliot whispered to her.

"No!" She yelled trying to burrow herself deeper into him.

"Ok... shh... I got you...shh." He rocked her gently back and forth trying to calm her down and stop himself from crying.

"Don't let anyone touch me El." She pleaded.

"I won't let them if you don't want them to baby." He told her in a calming whisper.

There was a light knock on the door that Olivia jumping out of her skin.

"It's just me." Cragen said softly as he came through the door.

"Cap?" Olivia asked having not looked she needed confirmation that she recognised the voice.

"Yeah Olivia, it's me." He replied gently, his heart breaking even more at the sight he was seeing.

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked trying not to cry.

"For not fighting back enough." She replied.

"You fought back more than any of us thought you would Olivia, and what is it you always say? You did the right thing, you survived." Cragen explained trying desperately not to cry as the tears weld up in his eyes.

Olivia couldn't say anymore as she sobbed into Elliot. Everyone ounce of her body hurt but nothing hurt more than her soul and that's what she was crying about, the physical would heal but the mental scars would be there forever and that was killing her.

"Liv..." Cragen began and for the first time she lifted her head to look at him.

"What?" She croaked.

Again Cragen had to blink back the tears. The pain in her brown eyes tore him up as this wasn't the strong willed detective he was used to seeing in front of his eyes, this was a vulnerable victim.

"I need you to talk to George, see if he can help you let the doctors check you over ok?" Cragen asked gently.

Olivia just nodded, too tired to refuse and argue. Cragen went to the door and let Huang in before letting himself out. Huang had mentally prepared himself for what he saw but it still didn't stop it hurting.

"Olivia?" He asked gently.

"Hi George." She replied to show him that she knew exactly who it was talking to her.

"Hi Olivia, how are you feeling?" He asked her softly.

"Tired." She told him her voice hoarse.

"You're tired, do you want to sleep?" Huang continued.

"Yes." Olivia replied honestly.

"Ok, why don't you get some sleep and I'll come back and talk to you later?" Huang suggested.

"Ok." She nodded.

Elliot watched as Huang slipped out and a nurse came in.

"I've got you a gown Ms Benson, if you want to get changed." The nurse smiled softly.

As she left the room Captain Cragen pulled her to one side.

"What's going to happen with the rape kit?" He asked her.

"I don't know Captain, I mean she won't let anyone near her but the man that's holding her. It can be done after she rests, it's just sooner the better with these things but I believe we've been told to focus on her mental health for now." The nurse explained to him glancing nervously at Huang who had warned them about pushing her too fast too soon.

"I know, we know she has a broken wrist, at least a scalp wound on the back of her head and a lot of bruising." Cragen told her.

"We know, but she could do herself more physical and mental harm if she fights us, so for now we're going to take Doctor Huang's lead on this. Let her get some sleep Captain and see how she is then." The nurse explained.

Cragen just nodded and allowed the nurse to leave. He rubbed his mouth as he thought, needing desperately to do something, anything but feel so helpless.

"Don?" Huang asked gently.

"I don't need a shrink." Cragen replied angrily.

"I'm not trying to be a shrink, I'm trying to be a friend." Huang explained softly.

"Could have fooled me. Now, Olivia, what do you think?" Cragen asked.

"Just bare with her for now. She needs to sleep. It's heading for two am, let her sleep and see how she is in the morning." Huang replied just as Munch and Fin arrived at their sides.

"Where have you two been?" Cragen asked having been wondering for a while why they hadn't come straight to the hospital.

"We made sure McArthur got to central booking." Munch replied.

"In one piece?" Cragen asked eyeing up Fin.

"Yes, but with a few more bruises than before." Fin shrugged.

"Good." Cragen cracked a weak smile.

"How's baby girl doing?" Fin asked nodding his head towards the closed door.

"Won't let anyone but Elliot touch her." Cragen explained.

"This is killing me man, I wish I could have killed McArthur." Fin replied cracking his knuckles.

"That wouldn't make Liv feel any better." Cragen told him firmly.

"No, Cap's right Fin." Munch sighed leaning into the wall of the corridor.

"So has anyone talked to Baby Girl?" Fin asked.

"Me, Elliot and Huang." Cragen replied.

"How is she?" Fin asked nervously.

"Tired mainly, we're going to let her sleep." Cragen explained.

"She not had the rape kit then?"

"No, she'll have it in the morning." Cragen answered getting tired of all the questions.

"But Cap ..."

"I know! I know, the sooner the better but she's not just anyone Fin, she's Liv, she's ... she's a cop who works sex crimes and she's seen hundreds of kits done and do you really think she's going to agree to do one lightly? Best let her get some sleep and do it in the morning." Cragen explained just as the door of Olivia's room opened and Elliot stepped out to the corridor.

"She's sleeping." He told them.

"How is she Elliot? Really?" Cragen asked.

"Drained. Both physically and mentally drained." Elliot sighed rubbing the back of his neck with frustration.

"How did you get her to let go of you?" Huang asked knowing that wouldn't have been easy.

"Told her I wouldn't let anyone into the room while she slept. But, that I needed to come and talk to you and I promised I wouldn't leave the door unguarded." Elliot explained.

"Has she said much?" Huang continued.

"Nope, just cried, a lot." He replied his own eyes glistening with fresh tears.

"Come on man, she needs you." Fin said giving Elliot's shoulder a supporting squeeze.

"I know, I know I just don't know what to do or what to say." Elliot explained looking at Huang desperately for answers.

"You have to wait for her to speak, for now. She'll get better though but I need to know, has she asked about information on Toby yet?" Huang asked.

"No. Why?" Elliot asked.

"If she doesn't that means she didn't slip into Stockholm but if she does ... well be prepared for her to fight on the fact that he's been arrested." Huang explained.

"I don't think I can do this." Elliot whispered his eyes trailing to the floor.

"You can Stabler, baby girl needs you to be able to do this." Fin explained.

"Yeah come on Elliot. Olivia needs you to have her back now more than ever." Munch quipped.

"I know. I just ..." Elliot's words were drowned out by an echoing scream from behind the door that had all four men diving in.

Elliot got to her side and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm here, it's Elliot. I've got you Liv." He told her knowing she was pushing him away in a frenzy.

"El?" She croaked.

"Yeah baby it's me." He replied. "What happened baby?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"I thought he was here. I could feel him ... on ... top ... of ... me ... again..." Olivia hiccupped the words as she sobbed.

"He can't get you here baby, he can't I swear, I won't let him anywhere near you." He told her reassuring her as much as he could.

"Ok." She whispered. "My hand really hurts." She added as she held her left hand to her chest.

"Its broken baby, they need to do an x-ray and then put some plaster on it." Elliot told her.

"Can they do that now then?" Olivia asked.

Elliot looked at Cragen who nodded and went to find a nurse, if she'd allow someone to treat her hand there was a possibility that she'd let them examine her completely.

"Hi guys." Olivia smiled weakly at Munch and Fin.

"Hey baby girl."

"Hi Olivia."

"It's good to see you." Olivia replied.

"You don't know how good it is for us to see you too." Munch added with small smile making her smile wider.

"You missed me then huh?" She asked them playfully.

"More than you'll ever know baby girl." Fin replied.

Olivia pulled away from Elliot and reached her right unhurt hand, motioning for Fin and Munch to go closer. Once they were right beside the bed she wrapped her arm around Fin who was closer.

"Come to the other side Munch." She smiled and he went round and slowly leaned in and wrapped an arm around her.

She closed her eyes for a moment taking in the feel of her friends, who just hours ago, she thought she'd never see again.

"Thank you for finding me." She whispered.

Fin nor Munch said anything but gave her a gentle squeeze, neither one trusted their voices as they tried to hide how emotional she was. When Cragen came back with a nurse with a wheelchair both Munch and Fin stepped away.

"You ready to get your arm checked out?" The nurse asked gently as she passed Olivia a long white robe to put over the gown.

"Yeah, it kills." Olivia replied.

"After the X-Ray we'll set you up on a morphine and saline drip." The nurse explained as Olivia pulled on the robe.

Elliot and the nurse lowered the cot side on the bed and Elliot lifted Olivia into the chair.

"Don't leave me." Olivia whispered clutching his hand in her own as tight as she could.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He replied giving a curt nod to the nurse to push the chair.

Everyone went with them down to the X-Ray room. They passed one of the side entrances to the hospital where uniformed officers were stationed to stop press from entering. Olivia's grip on Elliot's hand tightened whenever they were near other people and he sensed her fear.

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**Mercy General Hospital**

April 2nd 2.48 am

After the X-ray Olivia let a nurse and female doctor place a cast on her broken wrist, she was then put on a morphine and saline drip before being put back into bed. She was too awake to try and sleep so Huang, Cragen, Munch, Fin and Elliot all sat around her bed. There was no denying that she was jumpy, she kept a tight hold on Elliot's hand and everyone was aware of not making any sudden movements in case they frightened her.

"So what will happen to Toby now?" Olivia eventually asked the question that had been plaguing her mind.

Everyone looked around nervously at each other. Cragen took a deep breath deciding he'd tell her.

"He's being questioned at the moment Olivia, the building you were in, well, we found some bodies there and he's being questioned about those." Cragen explained.

"How many bodies?" She asked hoarsely in shock.

"Four." Cragen replied.

"Will he be charged?" Olivia asked.

"If we can prove he did it." Cragen explained. "But don't worry Liv, he'll never see daylight again." He added.

"Why not?" Olivia asked a perplexed look on her face making everyone else confused.

"For what he did to you Olivia." Cragen told her and her brows furrowed together.

"What do you mean for what he did to me?" She asked and everyone looked around at each other.

"Olivia ..." Cragen stopped unsure what to do.

"Tell her." Huang told him and he nodded.

"Olivia, he kidnapped you, beat you, and ... and raped you." Cragen told her.

"He didn't do anything to me." Olivia exclaimed.

"Olivia ..."

"Don't." Huang shook his head.

"What?" Cragen asked looking at her.

"Let me?" He asked, he was asking Cragen but looking at Elliot for his confirmation as well.

"Olivia, I know you don't want to remember what he did to you and I know it's scary but ... we saw what he did to you." Huang explained and Olivia stared at him.

"You saw?" She asked.

"Yeah, there was a two way? In the room?" He asked and she nodded. "Well he set up a camera behind that and there was one in the bathroom when he bathed you too." Huang explained.

"I'm confused." Cragen whispered.

"In denial." Huang mumbled his eyes' not moving from Olivia's which glistened with fresh tears.

"I don't want to remember." Olivia whispered gripping tightly onto Elliot's hand as she tried not to cry.

"You have to remember Olivia, so you can heal." Huang explained.

"But I don't want to." She told him firmly.

"I know, I know its hard Olivia."

"No you don't!" She yelled angrily. "You don't know how hard it is because you haven't been kidnapped out of your own bed and kept in a room where you were beaten and raped so don't you dare tell me that you know it's hard!" She screamed at him as tears flooded down her face.

Elliot jumped up and wrapped his arms around her but she struggled and pushed him away.

"I want you all to go!" She yelled. "Go and leave me alone!"

Huang nodded his head and everyone began to leave but Elliot looked at Olivia who had wrapped herself up in the duvet.

"That includes you Elliot." She added knowing he hadn't left.

Sighing he headed for the door.

"Sleep tight Liv, I love you." He told her before slipping out to join everyone else.

**Ok so a really short chapter, this is the way I planned to end it originally but you all want some of the aftermath, how does this sound – The hospital, the arraignment, viewing the tape, treatment, and court and sentencing sound? Let me know!**


	9. 9 Struggling

**A/N – Adding this straight away near enough because it's the same night, next chapter is the next morning and the rape kit and stuff!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter nine – Struggling

**Mercy General Hospital**

April 2nd 3.29 am

"What now?" Elliot asked sitting on the floor and leaning on the wall right next to Olivia's hospital room door.

"I don't know." Huang sighed.

"You're the shrink." Elliot hissed angrily.

"Getting angry at me isn't going to help her Elliot, it's harder than it is shrinking a Jane Doe off the streets because she already knows what happens next, she's terrified because she knows at some point someone's going to tell her she has to do a rape kit and she knows there's the trial to come and she's going to have to constantly repeat what's happened to her and she's terrified Elliot. I'm sorry that I can't give you all the answers yet but I will, I just have to think first." Huang explained understanding that Elliot was just desperate for answers and he even felt guilty that he couldn't give any to him even though he knew it wasn't his fault.

"Sorry, I just feel so helpless." Elliot sighed as Munch and Fin slid to the floor opposite him. "Listen why don't all of you head off? It's half three in the morning and you all look like you could use some sleep." Elliot suggested.

"We're going nowhere." Fin replied instantly.

"Exactly. Even if Olivia is pushing us away, we know she needs us." Munch explained.

"Munch and Fin are right Elliot, and it's not only Olivia that needs us either, you do too." Cragen added.

"Thanks, all of you, really." He smiled weakly.

They all gave a curt nod before disappearing into their own thoughts.

Huang was trying to figure out how to talk to Olivia, he needed to be sure of what to do so that he could help her. He knew she would need to talk to him and she'd accept it eventually, he was ready to give up every hour of his day and night for her because Olivia meant the world to him. A part of him wondered if he was too close to her and that maybe she'd be better off talking to someone that specialised in Stockholm syndrome, or someone who specialised in Rape Trauma Syndrome as she'd have both for sure. He knew that leaving her alone was the worst thing they could do at that moment because he knew that someone with Stockholm would isolate themselves from people but he also knew Olivia needed to rest as the morning would not be pleasant for her in any way, shape or form.

Fin was trying not to kick off, he was angry and frustrated that the woman he called sister was lying a hospital bed raped and beaten and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew he and Munch would have to take her statement and he was trying to mentally prepare himself for that, it was going to mentally kill him to have to listen to the horrible and sordid details of what the piece of scum had done to her and he knew he would have to just listen and act like it didn't affect him in anyway because that's what she needed from them.

Cragen was trying to be strong. Not only for Olivia but for the men stood around him. He knew that this was killing them as much as it was killing him. The girl he called a daughter was lying in a bed just on the other side of the wall he was leaning on. She was broken, battered and bruised and he would give anything to be able to take away that pain but he knew he couldn't and all he had was comforting words for her and he knew that would be of little or no use to her in the long run. He wondered if she'd ever be able to come back to the 1-6, if she'd ever be able to build herself up to work as a sex crimes detective again or a detective at all. He understood it would take months but he hoped Olivia was as strong as she made out and that she would use this trauma to help even more victims, he knew the 1-6 wouldn't be the same without her glowing smile, and her beautiful compassion, he'd never met a detective who could sympathise with victims in the way she did and he hoped this would just make her more empathetic towards them, defend them and fight for them harder and stronger than she ever had. But first she had to fight and defend her own case and that was going to be tougher than anything she'd ever done in her life.

Munch could only sigh as he thought about Olivia, his heart was bleeding for her but he wasn't one to show his emotions. He had already put on his dark sunglasses which hid his tear ridden eyes. If anyone where to ask him how he felt at that moment he wouldn't deny it, he'd tell them straight that inside, he was scared, terrified, that he wasn't going to get the old Benson back, the woman he liked to call Badass Benson because no perp would cross her path without regretting it. She was the woman he knew for standing up and giving victims a voice, she was the woman who every woman wished they were, but now, she was a helpless victim and he knew he had to be one of the people to give her a voice and get her justice in the way she had done for so many women before.

Elliot was terrified, panicked, and lost. His mind was on the woman he knew behind the door, the woman he knew was ticklish and extremely girl on the inside when the exterior she gave off was hard and sometimes cold, especially towards perps, anyone who hurt women or children in her eyes were scum but now, now she had fallen into the clutches of one of those scumbags and Elliot couldn't help wonder if she'd ever be the woman he fell in love with. Not that it would make him love her any less, he couldn't do that even if he tried having tried for many years when he was married. But, he couldn't help but wonder if she'd change and not love him anymore, if the trauma would make her not want to be with him anymore and he couldn't wipe away those fears as much as he tried.

An echoing scream from the other side of the door had Elliot jumping to his feet and bolting through the door.

"Elliot!" Olivia screamed, her eyes were still closed as he wrapped his arms around her tight.

"It's ok Liv, you were just dreaming I've got you! I'm right here baby and I've got you." He told her as he rocked her gently back and forward.

"I can't do this!" She sobbed desperately.

"What can't you do?" He asked her not understanding.

"This. Live like this, don't let me sleep again." She sobbed and Elliot looked at Huang desperately.

Huang shrugged, right now there was nothing he could do or say that would make a difference with Olivia so worked up.

"I've got you." Elliot whispered before kissing the side of her head as he held her close.

"Stay with me." Olivia whispered looking up at him.

"I'm going nowhere." He told her and she shifted right to the other cot side and Elliot understood what she meant.

Slowly he climbed onto the small hospital bed and Olivia snuggled up into him. He held her as she closed her eyes once more, hoping that sleep would be more peaceful having him with her. Elliot looked at his co-workers and friends and they all looked as helpless as each other. They took the seats beside the bed, wanting to be close to her in case she needed them in anyway. Elliot could feel her breath evening out meaning she was finally asleep once more.

"What now?" He asked in a gentle whisper hoping that he wouldn't wake Olivia up.

"Now, we let her sleep and wait for her to wake up again." Huang sighed softly.

"I don't know what to do or say." Elliot explained further.

"You're already doing and saying the right things Elliot, just keep reminding her that you're there and you're not leaving her and that she's safe. Right now, she needs the confirmation." Huang explained.

"Then what?" Elliot asks. "What am I suppose to tell her in the morning when we have to persuade her to do a rape kit?"

"You just keep telling her she's safe, you're with her and you won't leave her unless she asks you too but don't let her push you away, with Stockholm syndrome people isolate themselves away from others just like they were in captivity. In this room, she's closed in just like she was in that place but going outside ... well that's going to be a new challenge all together." Huang explained as fully as he could and Elliot's nod was enough to show Huang he'd explained well enough.

"Don't, Elliot help, please, God, don't, Toby, don't, stop." Olivia was tossing and turning against Elliot, her eyes still shut as she pleaded to the man who'd held her captive.

Elliot looked at Huang his eyes wide with fear, he didn't know where to begin helping Olivia and needed Huang to tell him what to do.

"Just let the nightmare play out Elliot, you have to, don't try and wake her it will scare her more." Huang said a little louder as Olivia's voice raised with her struggle.

Elliot shook his head and ignored Huang by wrapping his arms around Olivia.

"I've got you Liv, you're safe baby, I've got you and you're safe, you're safe." He told her as she was waking up.

"El?" She croaked desperately.

"Right here Liv." He replied.

"I don't want to sleep anymore." She whispered.

"I know Liv, I know." He told her as he gently rocked her back and forth.

"Don't let go of me." She told him firmly.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He replied pressing his lips to her temple.

Elliot looked at his co-workers again, they all looked so tired and helpless and he could tell they wanted to help Olivia too but none of them knew how, none of them could begin to imagine what she was going through.

A nurse entered the room a soft reassuring smile on her face.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" She asked coming to the side of the bed.

"Fine." She replied, everyone knew it was a lie but that was typical Olivia to just say she was fine.

"How's the pain?" The nurse asked not pressing her for the truth.

"A seven." Olivia replied.

"Ok, I've been told I can up your morphine a little, it will help but it will make you drowsy..."

"No!" Olivia interrupted startling the aging nurse. "No more morphine."

"Why Olivia? It will help with the pain." The nurse explained.

"I don't want to sleep." Olivia replied.

"Olivia ..."

"No! No more morphine, stop it completely." Olivia told her.

The nurse nervously looked at Elliot ho just shrugged.

"Ok, I'll stop the morphine but you'll have to stay on the saline drip for now. Are you hungry or thirsty? Anything you fancy I can get." The nurse smiled trying to help Olivia in her own way.

"Can I get some cola? I really fancy having some cold cola." Olivia replied honestly.

"I can get you some, I won't be long ok." The nurse smiled and Olivia nodded gratefully.

They all watched as the nurse left. Huang was the first to turn to Olivia.

"Olivia, what were you dreaming about?" He asked her and she stared at him and swallowed hard.

She chewed nervously on her bottom lip and fumbled with the blanket resting on her lap. She looked around at her friends wondering if she should say or not.

"I-I-I was – I was dreaming that-that when you lot rescued me I – Toby –Toby killed you all." Olivia stuttered in a near whisper.

"Having nightmares after experiencing trauma is normal Olivia, I know you know that so don't think I'm trying to patronize you, but, it helps in the healing process and I know you're scared but you don't want to be in pain either, you've stopped the morphine, how long do you think it will be before you're in agony?" Huang explained everything as gently as he could.

"It only helps the physical pain which isn't as bad as the emotional pain." Olivia replied as she blinked back the tears.

"I know that Olivia. I can't begin to imagine how much you're hurting emotionally Olivia but I can help you. The first thing you need to do though is heal physically and then you'll be physically strong enough to fight the emotional pain." Huang suggested as a tear escaped down Olivia's cheek.

"I just don't want to have to relive everything every time I close my eyes." Olivia explained further as more tears dripped down her cheek but she brushed them away with the back of her hand not wanting to cry anymore.

"That's understandable Olivia, it really is. Sometimes, after trauma, your brain uses nightmares to try and put a rational explanation on something totally irrational. What happened to you was in no way normal and so your brain is trying to figure out the why's." Huang explained.

"I know." Olivia replied wiping away more tears as she sat up.

The nurse came back into the room holding a six pack cans of cola.

"There's enough for everyone." She smiled handing one to Olivia and then passing the others around.

"Thank you." Everyone mumbled as they were given a drink.

"Well seeing as you're all determined to stay awake I'm going against all medical advice and giving you a caffeine kick." The nurse explained making everyone including Olivia smile.

"If you need anything Olivia my love, press the buzzer beside the bed or ..." She cupped one hand around her mouth and smiled cheekily "...or you can all ways make my night and send one of these handsome fella's." She laughed.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled and even laughed weakly.

"Ok, I'll see you after Olivia." She smiled before leaving.

Olivia sipped at her drink gratefully and uncomfortably not sure what to do or say. Eventually she took a deep breath and looked at Huang who was playing with his cold can in his hand.

"George, keep talking to me, you were making me feel better." Olivia told him and he nodded and sat up a little straighter.

"Ok, why don't you tell me how you're feeling now?" He suggested, knowing if talking was making her feel the slightest bit better then he would never stop talking.

"Scared." She replied nervously.

"Ok and what are you scared of?" he asked needing the information to help her.

"Tomorrow." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she looked down at the can in her hands.

"Why are you afraid of tomorrow Liv?" He asked having a feeling he and everyone else in the room already knew the answer.

"Because ... Because I already know what happens now. I know how this works, because it's my job to know and understand and ... I don't think I can deal with tomorrow." She explained wiping away more tears.

"Olivia, being frightened is ok, don't be ashamed of it and telling people about it. We'll deal with tomorrow when we get to it ok? Don't worry about that for now. Other than scared for tomorrow how are you feeling?" Huang asked.

"I don't know!" She snapped. "I don't know how I'm feeling, I can't put a name on how I feel George!" She exclaimed and everyone looked around at each other nervously.

"Ok, do you want to begin to talk about what happened?" Huang asked knowing he had to go somewhere.

"Fine." Olivia replied.

"Ok why don't you begin right at the start, the first time you knew something was up?" Huang asked and she took a deep breath and nodded.

"I was in my bedroom, Elliot had just gone out and then I heard the door go. Elliot's forgetful and when he came into my bedroom I thought it was Elliot and I think I asked him what he had forgotten without opening my eyes." Olivia explained her own eyes shut as she told the men what had happened. "Then he said ... he said ... he said he hadn't forgotten anything and obviously I knew it wasn't Elliot so I opened my eyes and jumped up and I was going to grab my gun but he told me not to and he clicked the safety off his gun." Olivia's voice sped up as she her heart beat quickened as she panicked.

"Ok go on." Huang nodded.

"He told me to pack and change." Olivia explained. "Then he put the light on and I saw he was wearing all black and he was wearing a balaclava. I got some stuff and slowly started to pack hoping I could stall him and hoping that Elliot would come home quick but then he told me to change and I ... I went into the bathroom and changed and rushed out the second door in my bathroom. I rushed to the front door but he grabbed me and he put a cloth of chloroform on my mouth and I passed out." Olivia explained.

"So you don't remember hitting the coffee table?" Huang asked.

"No, he told me he did that by accident." Olivia replied shakily.

"Ok, do you want me to start explaining and talking you through this Olivia, because it can wait?" Huang asked her softly.

"I think I want to get some sleep." Olivia replied. "I think I've talked enough to trust myself to sleep a little."

"Ok do you want us to leave?" Huang asked her.

"No! No, I want you please to stay. All of you." Olivia told them and they all nodded. "Thank you."

Slowly she cuddled up into Elliot and drifted off into an uneasy sleep hoping that tomorrow wouldn't be as scary as she feared it would be.

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**So are you with me so far, I know that you're all waiting for the rape kit and stuff but I really wanted to show how much damage can be done to a person in less than 24 hours. Rape kit next chapter!**


	10. 10 Examining

**A/N – Thanks for all the immense feedback on the other chapters, I'm in awe of all the support for this story!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter nine – Examining

**Mercy General Hospital**

April 2nd 7.03 am

"No!" Olivia yelled her body jerking upwards sending everyone around her into shock.

She clutched her chest and panted, she'd had yet another nightmare but they were easier for her to handle since talking to Huang, even if they still felt so real.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked gently.

"I'm fine." She told him as her breath slowly steadied.

"Are you sure?" Elliot asked rubbing his eyes.

"Yup." She said giving him a very weak smile.

Everyone in the room slowly pulled themselves together having all drifted off to sleep. Olivia cuddled up into Elliot even though she had no intention of going back to sleep.

"El?" Olivia begun as she rested her head on his chest.

"What is it Liv?" He asked as he stroked her back gently.

"I love you." She told him.

"I love you too." He smiled and dropped a kiss onto her head.

"No I really love you Elliot, you're here for me, and you're actually here when I need you most." She told him as tears built in her eyes.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." He told her firmly.

"Thank you." She whispered.

Slowly she pushed herself to sitting wanting to talk to the men around her bed.

"And thank you to all of you, for staying with me." She told them her eyes on the blanket she was playing with in her hands.

"We wouldn't be anywhere else baby girl." Fin told her and Olivia looked at him and smiled.

A nurse came into the room, a different one from last night.

"Hi Olivia, my name's Claire and I'm your day nurse." She smiled.

Olivia nodded her head, unsure of what to make of Claire who was much younger than the night nurse had been with long blond hair tide in a messy ponytail and bright blue eyes that showed she hadn't seen much of life.

"Hi Claire." Olivia eventually said just to be polite.

"Ok so the doctor has arrived, she'll come and see you in a bit so we can get the rape kit done ok?" Claire explained to happily for anyone's liking but Olivia's reaction was being watched by Huang.

Her hands gripped the bed sheets so hard her knuckles turned white. Her face was blank, indifferent and the nurse just nodded and left and slowly everyone turned to Olivia.

"I'm not having a rape kit." She whispered so quietly that no one heard.

"What?" Cragen asked softly.

"I said..." Her voice was stronger and harsher this time. "I'm not having a rape kit."

"Olivia."

"Don't Olivia me." She spat.

"Liv."

"Don't you Liv me either. I'm not having a rape kit done." She repeated her hands still clutching to the bed sheets.

"Please Liv." Elliot pleaded.

"No! I'm not having a rape kit done and that's that!" She yelled hoping the message would sink in.

"Why don't you want to do a rape kit Olivia?" Huang asked trying a different route to get her to change her mind.

"I know what they involve before going in there George and I don't want to, the rape kit can be just as if not more traumatic than the rape itself and I'm not having one done. Please don't make me." Her voice broke into a whisper as tears flooded down her face.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her desperate to make her feel better as she broke out into sobs.

Everyone else around the bed looked as helpless as each other. None of them knowing what to do or say that would help her in anyway.

"None of you, have ever had to sit in on a rape kit." Olivia explained sitting up and wiping her tears as she composed herself. "I have. I've had to help doctors do them. I don't want to do this." She was pleading with them not to make her.

"Olivia, listen to me, we won't make you do it if you really don't want to but hear me out." Cragen started leaning into the bed as he spoke. "We want to put Toby McArthur away for a very long time and we can't do that without the kit. I know it's going to be hard on you but they need to know what damage he has done as much as we need the evidence." Cragen explained. "He's hurt you Olivia, in ways none of us can even begin to imagine but they need to make sure whatever he's done to you physically isn't life threatening and the evidence will make our case stronger against him to make sure he can never hurt you or anyone else again."

Olivia cried silently as her brain went to work.

"But you've got footage of what he did! You don't need more evidence than that." She explained.

"We do Olivia, we need to prove that the tape is real, by proving he physical hurt you Olivia. Do this for all the other girls you've held hands with while they have this done, do it for the girls you gave a voice too." Cragen was pleading with her.

There was a knock as the door and the nurse came in carrying a large basket of goodies and a bouquet of flowers.

"Apparently, hundreds of these things have been coming in all night. They've all been taken to your precinct but these only just arrived." The nurse explained placing them on a table and shifting the table across the bed.

The nurse left and Olivia picked up the envelope on the top of the basket. Slowly she opened it herself and everyone else wondering who had been sending her things.

"Dear Detective Benson, I know right now you're in a lot of pain both physically and mentally. I know how hard it is but I know that many people, myself included are sending you lots of love and our thoughts and prayers are with you. Be strong Olivia, and remember, you survived. All my love, Skye Lee, Rape Victim." Olivia read the card out loud and blinked back the tears.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked seeing how the card had affected her.

"Skye Lee, was gang raped in two thousand and one by four boys on her college track team with her on a track tour. She was only seventeen." Olivia explained.

"Your case?" Fin asked.

"Yes, she called nine one one straight after it happened and I was first responding, I took her to the hospital, stayed with her while the kit was done and then when I took her home she couldn't find it in her to tell her parents what had happened so I did for her." Olivia explained wiping away more tears.

"There's a different card with the flowers Olivia." Elliot pointed out and Olivia reached over and took another envelope and opened it.

"Detective Benson, just a small something hopefully to put a smile on your face or bring you something anyway, we can't begin to imagine what you are going through but what you did for us, for our baby was more than we could have asked for in our darkest days. You gave Angelica a voice even though she was gone, and you bought her abuser and murderer to justice. We could never thank you enough for what you did Detective, we hope you're strong enough to do the same for yourself as we know you have done for so many before. God loves you, and we love you and many others do to and I hope that brings you some comfort as you face your darkest hours. Be strong, Katrina and David Powell." Olivia read and she had to put the card down and wipe away more tears before explaining.

"Angelica Powell was kidnapped from school, she was held captive for twenty five hours, she was raped and tortured and when he was done with her he killed her. It was one of the worst cases I've ever worked. He ... He tore her insides with a knife ..." Olivia took a deep breath, this case had given her nightmares for weeks and a light went on for Huang who had helped her get through it. "When we finally caught him, he was almost let go on a technicality and I couldn't let that happen so I questioned him for twenty three and a half hours using every technique I knew till the bastard confessed."

"I remember." Elliot whispered. "I couldn't handle it and left you too it."

"Yeah, the girl reminded you too much of Lizzie." Olivia explained.

"I remember that case, I told you to give up and let it go." Cragen added.

"Yup, but you know me ..." she laughed a little. "I never give up."

"No you don't baby girl." Fin smiled.

"But right now..." She said moving the cards back onto the table. "Right now I really need to go to the bathroom."

Olivia with the help of Cragen moved the table from the bed and with Elliot's help she got out of the bed, her legs shook as she struggled to support her own weight, her body aching from the beatings she'd endured.

"Are you ok?" Elliot asked as she held onto the IV pole.

"Yeah just get to the other side and help me stand." She told him.

He rushed around as everyone moved their chairs out of her way. She grasped Elliot's arm and he held it firmly in place as she leant some of her weight on it, her bare feet just shuffling along the floor.

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to get a chair?" Cragen asked seeing her struggle.

"The bathroom is only there and I'm not an invalid." Olivia explained her head nodding towards a door in the room that no one but Olivia and Elliot had noticed till now.

It took a good five minutes for Olivia to shuffle to the bathroom, she made Elliot stay with her and lock them both inside. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it all before. She was naked beneath the robe and gown so she sat down on the toilet having been holding it in all night.

She yelled out as she began to pee causing Elliot to jump unsure what had happened. Olivia's hand was clasped to her mouth as tears filled her eyes.

"Liv what is it?" Elliot asked leaning down in front of her.

She shook her head for a moment in too much pain to be able to speak. As she grabbed tissue to wipe herself she was being very slow and careful. Not caring that Elliot was there she looked at the tissue and her eyes shut as the little colour she had regained in her cheeks vanished.

"What is it Liv?" Elliot asked her softly.

Still unable to speak she just showed him the tissue and Elliot let a small gasp out.

"Liv..." He said as Olivia put the tissue down the toilet and slowly stood up.

"I know." She whispered as she flushed the chain.

"Baby..." he whispered as she wrapped her arms around him as more tears slid down her cheeks.

"I know." She told him.

"You're bleeding." He said.

"No, it wasn't fresh blood El, it was dry and I know what it means too." She explained as she tried to calm herself down a bit.

"Are you..."

"I don't know." She replied before he even finished the sentence.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed." He scooped Olivia up into his arms and she crossed her legs so no one in the room would get a flash of her nakedness. She held the IV pole as Elliot carried her back into the room and placed her gently on the bed.

"Olivia." Cragen said once she was back under the covers.

"What?" She asked softly.

"I've spoken with a nurse and they said it's ok, these gift baskets and flowers. Apparently the one six is brimming with them, so I've called in a favour and I'm having some of them bought here for you, it seemed to help in some ways." He explained.

"Thank you." She whispered, more tears brimming in her eyes but this time they weren't sad tears, they were grateful tears. "Thank you so much." She smiled just as a uniformed officer walked into the room with arms full of baskets and gifts and Olivia crossed her leg so they could be placed on the bed.

"That was quick." Cragen commented.

"Was told to put the lights and siren on sir." The uniform explained. "There's a couple more cars coming with more too and there's more coming. Detective Benson how are you keeping?" He asked his thick British accent making Olivia smile a little.

"I'm well thank you O'Connor." She smiled.

"Good, everyone at the one six told me to send you their love and well wishes." He told her.

"Thank you. Tell them all I said hi." She said not knowing how else to put it, but their well wishes meant a lot to her.

"Right, I'll go and get the rest of the stuff." He explained as another uniformed officer walked in with more things and another straight behind him.

"Ok when I said a few I didn't mean this much! You? Have you bought them all?" Cragen asked on uniformed.

"No sir, three cars full, we would have needed a few trucks to bring them all." He explained.

"What?" Cragen and Olivia asked in shock.

"There's no room to turn at the one six Detective Benson, it seems a lot of people want to wish you well. There's a box in my trunk that is full of letters too, just the one box out of nine so far filled at the one six." He smiled

Olivia was in awe, all of this was in support of her, well wishes and love being sent to her and it brought tears to her eyes.

"Liv?" Elliot asked seeing her wiping away more tears.

"I'm fine, I just ... I didn't expect this!" She explained nodding towards all the stuff on her bed as the uniformed officers starts placing them in the corner of the room.

"You see this Liv, these are people you've helped mainly maybe some are from just your average Joe blogs but look at the two you've already read Olivia. People actually care about you even if you don't know it." Elliot explained.

"That would be the last of them that we bought with us Sir." O'Connor told Cragen.

"Right. Thank you. We'll sort having the rest transported to Detective Benson's home to give you all room to work later on." Cragen replied.

"None of us mind not having room to work, we've all been on the phone all morning people wanting to know how Detective Benson is. We've been in awe of the support being sent." He smiled.

"Right ok well thank you." Cragen said knowing Olivia wouldn't want any of the uniformed officers with her when she was reading the cards.

"Pass me the box of letters please." Olivia said to Elliot who was now back in the chair beside the bed.

He did as she asked and she took the first one out of the box.

"Too Olivia. Believe me when I say I know what you're going through, I doubt you remember but I will never forget how kind and caring you were when I was rescued. I hope as you face the struggles ahead that you remember your own advice, My love to you always, Hope Bishop." Olivia read the first card from the box.

"Hope Bishop?" Elliot began, he wasn't as good as Olivia at remembering the victims, he remembered the perps.

"Hope Bishop was kidnapped and held captive for thirty six hours; she was rapped repeatedly and beaten to within an inch of her life." Olivia explained as she picked up another envelope.

"Who was it?" Elliot asked not being able to find a name.

"We never caught him." Olivia replied.

"Cole case?" Elliot asked.

"Yup except the statute of limitations has ran out on the rape, it was nineteen ninety nine. So even if we did get him ..." Olivia sighed as she pulled out a page long letter.

"Dear Olivia, I don't know if you remember me but my name is Louisa Thompson and I'm now twelve years old. I met you when I was nine, that was a long time ago now. I saw on the TV what had happened to you and I was so happy when they said you were found alive, I was very scared that you'd never be found or worse found dead. I'm glad they caught the guy too and I hope he rots in prison for all eternity for what he did to such an amazing and inspirational woman. You're my hero Olivia because you were there for me when no one else was, I want to be just like you when I grow up and my latest foster mom is trying to help me learn all about the police academy so I can follow in your footsteps. I hope that just like you were there for me, someone is there with you holding your hand and reminding you that you're a survivor. I'm often thinking about you Olivia and how much light you brought into my life at the time when I just wanted to die. I love you Olivia! Bye!" Olivia had to wipe away more tears and Elliot gave her free hand a gentle squeeze.

"Louisa Thompson, her father killed her mother right in front of her and then raped her repeatedly until a neighbour heard her screaming and called nine one one." Olivia explained.

"You stood by her through it all Olivia, the kit, the statement, you held her hand as she watched her father sentenced to death." Elliot replied remembering how much the case had gotten to Olivia, but in thinking that he remembered that every case touched Olivia's heart.

"Elliot." She whispered turning to face him. "These girls and women and families that have written to me..." Her voice broke off as she wiped away the fresh set of tears trickling down her cheek.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked her needing to know what she was going to say.

"I have to ... I have to do the rape kit." She whispered shakily.

"Ok." He nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

"I want to do it now and get it done." She explained again.

Cragen took that as his cue to fetch the nurse. She arrived quickly with a female doctor.

"Hi Olivia, I'm Doctor Stewart and I'm going to be doing the kit ok?" She asked gently.

"I know who you are." Olivia whispered wiping more tears from her cheek. "I've done kits with you before." Olivia explained.

The doctor looked surprise that Olivia remembered her, she was right though, they had done plenty of rape kits on women together in the past.

"Ok we're going to take you to the suite now if you can get into the wheelchair." Doctor Stuart explained.

Olivia nodded and Elliot helped her out of the bed and into the wheelchair.

"Fin, can you go to my place and get me some things? If you don't mind that is, I just want to get into my own clothes." Olivia told him knowing they could all do with a distraction.

"Yeah ok." Fin nodded getting to her feet.

"Take Munch with you, he looks like he could do with some fresh air." Elliot quipped as he handed over his keys to their apartment.

"Come on old man lets go." Fin said kicking Munch in the shin.

"Hey there was no need to kick me!" Munch laughed as he followed Fin out the door.

"El?" Olivia clutched his hand as the nurse began wheeling the chair.

"What is it Liv?" He asked.

"Don't leave me." She pleaded.

"I'm going nowhere." He replied as the nurse pushed the chair out into the corridor.

The way to the gynaecology suite felt like it took hours. The letters and words of support had made Olivia realise that this was something she really did have to do, for everyone she'd stood by and done it with. Her heart hammered inside her chest hoping that they could be quick and get it over with. As they wheeled her into the room her heart began to thump so hard in her chest she wondered if everyone else in the room could hear it.

"Ok if you want to get up onto the couch and put your legs in the stirrups." The doctor told her.

Not that she needed telling. She knew the process but she bit back her retort as Elliot helped her onto the couch. Taking a deep breath she separated her legs and placed them into the stirrups before laying back and closing her eyes. Elliot held her hand and sat on a chair beside her. He turned it to face her and lay his head down beside hers. Naturally, she turned her head to him so they were almost nose to nose.

"Ok Olivia I'm just going to check the damage and take a sample." Doctor Stewart said.

Olivia didn't say anything, she didn't need to and neither did she need to look to see what she meant. As she felt the alien object between her legs she bit down on her bottom lip. Elliot stroked the back of her hand with his thumb whilst with the other hand he gently stroked her cheek.

"Talk to me Elliot." Olivia whispered as she held back her tears.

"What do you want to talk about Liv?" He asked her knowing from Olivia's history that many victims talked about their attack during the kit.

"Anything, sing, anything please!" She begged wanting to think of anything other than the rape kit being performed on her.

"Ok baby, how about some Queen?" He asked her knowing she liked the British band.

"Anything." She replied not caring what he did but desperate for some distraction.

"Can ... anybody find me somebody to love." He sang making her giggle.

"Each morning I get up I die a little can barely stand on my feet." She sang making him laugh softly.

"Take a look in the mirror and cry." They sang together in between bouts of soft laughter.

The doctor felt guilty disturbing them especially when having Olivia relaxed was making her job easier.

"Olivia." Doctor Stuart said making Olivia turn to her. "After we take some pictures I'm going to need to stitch you up, I'll numb the area and use dissolvable stitches but you have a third degree tear that has to be fixed." She explained.

Olivia just nodded and turned back to Elliot.

"I spent all my years in believing you but I just can get no release..." Olivia carried on and Elliot joined in trying to drown out the sound of the camera that was taking photos of Olivia's most privet area.

The doctor didn't bother telling Olivia what she was doing as she knew Olivia would become distressed if she wasn't singing with Elliot. So she quickly grabbed the needle and injected it into Olivia's skin. Olivia winced but quickly started singing again with Elliot because she was determined not to focus on what was going on.

Ten minutes later the nurse was done fixing up Olivia's tear and was back to doing the rape kit, Olivia was numb down there now so she almost forgot that she had a doctor scrapping her insides and her pubic bone trying to gather as much evidence as she could.

Olivia and Elliot had sang about five different Queen songs by the time the doctor was done between her legs and the numbness had gone.

"Ok you can move your legs now Olivia and swing them round to the side." The Doctor said as the nurse bought over a table.

Olivia did as she was asked quickly as she knew this part of the rape kit wasn't as bad as the rest of it. Knowing what they wanted she gently placed her hands on the white paper sheeting that had been placed over the table. As Doctor Stewart sat in front of Olivia her belly rumbled loudly.

"Someone's hungry!" Doctor Stewart laughed.

"I can't remember how long ago it was I ate." She looked at Elliot. "I had no sense of time in that place El, it felt like hours and hours but I wasn't even gone twenty four hours but it still felt like days." She told him tears prickling her eyes.

"The last time you ate was around eight thirty last night." Elliot whispered as he rubbed her back.

The doctor was taking samples from under Olivia's nails listening to their conversation.

"It felt like days Elliot but I was only gone a few hours." She said as tears trickled down her cheek.

"I know baby, but you're safe now and your here that's what matters." He said remembering Huang telling him to reassure her as much as he could.

"I didn't know if you even knew I was gone, I was worried you'd thought I got cold feet and ran away." She whispered and then she looked at her hands and then back at Elliot.

"El where's my ring?" She asked.

He pursed his lips unsure what to tell her.

"Elliot?" she asked firmer as she knew he knew.

"CSU have it. It was sent to me in a box on someone else's finger." He explained.

"What?" Olivia asked horrified.

"I was sent a finger with your ring on it." He repeated softly.

"Oh my God." She shivered feeling nauseated.

"Don't worry Liv, I'll get you another ring that doesn't matter." He told her.

"It's not the ring El, he, Oh my God he sent it to you on someone else's finger. I mean he sent just a finger?" She asked in complete shock.

"Yeah. I was so scared that it was yours Liv, it was the same colour skin and I knew you had red nail polish and there was the same red nail polish on the finger. You don't know how many times I counted your fingers when I was watching you on the screens." His voice was barely a whisper as he tried to control his own emotions.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about!" Elliot told her firmly.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" She asked him.

"Maybe that would be a question better off for Huang." He replied making her laugh weakly.

"You're right there." She laughed softly.

"But we can get another ring as soon as you're out of here Liv, and you can choose it yourself ok? I'll take you to tiffany's." He told her.

"The ring isn't important El that's just a symbol." She told him. "Having it on just proves to everyone else that I'm yours."

"I know, and I want the world to know that you're mine." He explained with a small smile.

She grinned at him as Doctor Stewart removed all the evidence samples they'd gathered and she swallowed hard knowing what came next.

"Don't leave. Please." She told Elliot.

"Unless you want me to leave Liv, I'm not going anywhere." He replied firmly.

"It's not like you haven't seen it all before." She smiled weakly.

"Good point." He whispered getting up and kissing her on the head as she climbed down from the couch.

She stepped onto the white sheeting and pulled off the robe, passing it to the nurse. Wanting to get it over quickly she didn't dance around and just swiped off her robe making her shiver as the cold hit her naked body.

Elliot had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to stop himself from gasping. Her caramel skin was now blue, purple, yellow and grey with bruises that were obviously starting to heel slowly. She closed her eyes as her skin as combed for hairs and skin cells and it took so long as she just stood there. Then came the pictures and Olivia still kept her eyes shut. Elliot was humming another Queen song making her relax a little bit as she sang the words in her head as a distraction.

After a total of six hours the kit was complete and Olivia felt overwhelmed with relief and fatigued.

"Well done baby, I'm so proud of you." Elliot whispered as he helped her back into the chair.

"Thank you." She whispered and she pulled him down to her level and kissed him softly on the lips, the first since she'd been saved.

Elliot smiled, knowing that it would take a lot of time for her to build any sort of relationship back up with him but knowing that every step of the way he was going to be right there with her.

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**Well? I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with this, it was a very hard chapter to write for many different reasons some of it was just too close to home for me to want to write about so I hope you managed to get something from it and sorry it was so long!**


	11. 11 Braking

**A/N – Thanks for all the immense feedback on the other chapters, I'm in awe of all the support for this story!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Eleven – Braking

**Mercy General Hospital**

April 2nd 3.21 pm

Olivia arrived back into her hospital room to find Cragen, Huang, Munch and Fin in their chairs around her bed. She gave everyone a weak smile to show she was alright and was relieved to see a bag on her bed.

"I didn't know what to get so I kinda just went shopping." Fin told her. "Munch told me approximate sizes so I got one bigger and one smaller too in everything just in case." He explained.

"Oh thanks Fin." Olivia smiled.

"Thank the Captain, he paid." Fin shrugged.

"Thanks Cap." She smiled at him and he just shook his head.

"No problem, why don't you go and put something more comfortable on." He suggested as Olivia looked through the bag.

"I will thanks." She smiled grabbing the bag and heading for the bathroom trying to hide the fact that she felt like she was giving birth to a car.

Once locked in the bathroom Olivia put the toilet seat down and sat on it. Not for the first time in the past twenty four hours she sobbed. This time they were silent. She didn't want them to know how much doing the rape kit affected her. The amount of them she'd seen, she'd never thought she'd have to endure it. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she felt weak and vulnerable and the only word she had in her head was Victim. She didn't want to be labelled a victim, she didn't want to become a statistic in the governments records on rape. She was Olivia Badass Benson, sex crimes detective who brought comfort and justice to the victims, gave them a voice and for the first time since joining SVU she felt like she didn't have a voice, she needed someone to speak out for her, she needed that support that she gave to the women who told her their stories.

When there was a soft knock on the door she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Liv?" Elliot called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah?" She called back trying to sound like she wasn't crying.

"The nurse is asking if you want something to eat and drink." He told her.

"Yeah ok!" She called back even though the only thing she wanted to do was sleep.

"Anything you want?" He asked.

"Soda and a sandwich." She replied the first things that came to mind.

"Ok." He said and she sensed him moving from the door.

She looked around the bathroom and saw that there was a shower cubicle and there were fresh towels on the cabinet and she realised that she hadn't washed since before she was kidnapped. She suddenly felt filthy and quickly turned the shower on turning it so it was as hot as she could handle before stripping and stepping into the pouring water. As the water fell onto her she began to cry some more, she wondered if she'd ever feel clean again as so far the shower wasn't helping. She grabbed at the soap and began to scrub it all over her aching body, desperate not to feel so dirty and disgusting. Her sobs were loud and she knew that the men outside in the hospital room could hear her but she didn't care, she just needed to get every inch of her skin clean. The soap broke in her hand and as she let it fall she dropped onto the floor of the cubicle and dropped her head into her hands as her body wracked with more sobs. She shook as she cried, her heart bleeding inside her chest as so many thoughts went through her mind. Suddenly, she was back in the bathroom with Toby washing her body, washing her hair and she dove out of the shower crashing to the floor and she screamed in pain as her knees connected with the hard ground.

"Liv!" A yell came from the other side of the door but she didn't reply as she struggled to her feet. "Liv are you ok?" Elliot yelled.

"I'm fine!" She called back trying to sound as fine as the words were.

She pulled a towel around herself and tried to dry herself as quick as she could. Then she dug in the bag that Fin had bought and grabbed the largest sized pyjamas wanting them to be loose so she wouldn't feel constricted.

After changing she grabbed one of the smaller towels and slipped on the fluffy slippers that Fin had bought, after wrapping herself in the very large fluffy robe he'd got her she pushed the bag to the side of the bathroom out of the way and went to check her face in the mirror.

The tear tracks on her cheeks were clearly visible as were her red swollen eyes but she was desperate to hide them as best she could so she ran the cold water and chucked it on her face and wiped it clean and dry with the small towel she had intended for her hair. She placed all the towels and robe and gown she'd used in the laundry basket and grabbed a second small towel before feeling that she could go back into the room.

After taking a deep breath she unlocked the door and looked at no one as she made her way back to bed. A sandwich and soda had been left for her but she wasn't hungry and pushed the sandwich to one side. She opened the soda and took one large gulp before putting it down, she felt to nauseated to drink any more. Elliot took the small towel from her and stood beside her and slowly started to dry her hair. For a minute or two she enjoyed it and closed her eyes but as he deepened his technique she started feeling Toby massaging the shampoo into her hair and pulled away from him sharply. He stepped back in shock but knew that he had to bear with her. He knew wherever her mind had gone to it wasn't a nice place so he slowly passed her the towel so she could do it herself. She gave him a look that was meant to be apologetic but he could just see pain and anguish through them.

"Why don't you dry your hair Liv and I'll read you some more of these letters?" He suggested picking up a handful from the box.

She nodded and tipped her head to the side to slowly dry her hair as she listened.

"Ok." He smiled gently as he opened the first envelope. "Dear Detective Benson, I'm sure you're flooded with letters and cards of well wishes and love, I hope they're doing something to help in some way or at least bring you some comfort knowing that people are thinking of you. This is just another one of those but it was my daughter Lily's idea. She's six and her friend was raped and murdered and you were one of the officers on the case. Lily remembers talking to you at the school as she was there when her friend was kidnapped. She wanted to send you a picture which is enclosed with this letter. I hope you're alright and that you have all the love and support you need to get through this ordeal, you're in so many people's thoughts Detective. All our love. Mandy and Lily." Elliot read and Olivia smiled softly as he placed a picture on her lap.

She stopped drying her hair and picked up the picture. It was of Olivia and Lily, she knew this because in very large scrawny handwriting their names above their figure. She blinked back more tears feeling like she'd cried enough but she looked at Elliot and smiled. It lit his hear because that smile wasn't weak, it was strong, like the smile's he was used to seeing when she had closed a case or when she'd just had that first thing in the morning cup of coffee. It was the smile he loved and it made him smile back at her.

There was a card holder beside the bed and Olivia hooked the picture into that knowing that it would make her smile every time she looked at it. Then she turned to Elliot and gave him a nod so he would read some more as she moved back to her hair.

"Right then, this is a card." He showed her the get well soon balloons on the front of the card and she gave another gentler smile, but nonetheless, it was a smile. "Olivia, please hurry back to us soon, we love and miss you more than words will ever say and we'll pop by to visit you as soon as we can. Alex and Casey and they've put a hundred odd kisses in there." He turned the card to show that every square inch that didn't have their message on was covered in little x's.

"More." Olivia croaked wanting to hear and read every letter and card sent to her.

"Ok. To Detective Benson, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you deal with what has happened to you. You're strong Detective and don't you forget that you also survived. You did the right thing. All my love. Diane Summerfield." He read.

"Raped by her boyfriend." Olivia told Elliot.

He just nodded and placed the letter with the card from Alex and Casey as he moved on to the next letter. Olivia folded the towel and Cragen took it from her as she lay back in the bed snuggling her head into the pillow to listen to more.

"Dear Detective Olivia Benson, As hard as things seem for you know, believe me when I say the pain goes away and there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. Keep believing and keep your chin up. All my prayers and thoughts with you as you conquer all. Love Jessica Hannah Morgan." Elliot read.

"Ten year old, raped and sodomised, by her uncle, had to have six hours of intensive surgery followed by plastic surgery to repair the damage." Olivia said her voice becoming more strained as she began to fall asleep.

Elliot moved onto the next letter knowing that when he reached the end of it, Olivia would be fast asleep.

"Dear Olivia Benson, you're the best woman in the whole wide world because you saved me. I love you lots and I know you'll fight the bad man. From Tamara Lee Jacobs." Elliot looked at Olivia and found her sleeping. "Seven year old, kidnapped by her stepfather and used as a pawn to try and get custody of his birth son, her half brother." Elliot said knowing it would be what Olivia would have said had she been awake.

"Elliot why don't you curl up on that chair and try and get some sleep." Cragen whispered hoping not to disturb Olivia.

"No. I want to just watch her." He replied sitting back and looking at Olivia's chest rising and falling in one steady rhythm. "Why don't all of you go and get some sleep? You've all been awake as long as I have." He told them without looking.

"We caught some sleep while she was getting the kit done Elliot." Cragen replied honestly.

"Ok." Elliot replied still not taking his eyes off Olivia.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Olivia's body started to shake. Not violent like she was having a fit, but just her shoulders and chest. Elliot looked at Huang and Cragen the fear in his eyes evident to all in the room.

"She's crying." Huang whispered.

"What?" Elliot asked confused.

"In her sleep, she's crying in her sleep so she's got no control over her body's actions." Huang explained.

"What do I do?" Elliot asked desperately.

"Nothing you can do but let it play out." Huang explained as Olivia began tossing and turning and mumbling incoherently.

Elliot leaned forward resting his elbows in his knees as her watched and waited for her to wake up from the nightmare she was visibly having.

"Don't, get away, don't touch me, God please don't, God no!" Olivia's cries became louder and more understandable as the dream progressed.

Every time Elliot blinked he felt like he was back in the car watching her being raped on the portable screen. His heart hammered inside his chest as he tried to stop himself from bursting into tears. He didn't have to wait long for Olivia as her body convulsed and she screamed flying to a sitting position. Elliot flew to her as her scream subsided and she wracked with more sobs.

"I've got you Olivia, you're safe baby I've got you. Please God Liv, I've got you." He whispered as he held her tight.

She was too distraught to say anything to him so he just held her tight and rocked her gently, letting her cry as his tears glistened in his sapphire orbs.

Cragen turned to Huang, he himself feeling at the verge of tears.

"What can we do?" Cragen asked already knowing the answer.

"Nothing we can do. If Elliot can get her calm enough to talk to me and all of you leave us I'll start talking to her, start treating her. I couldn't do that till after the rape kit." He explained why he hadn't started sooner, knowing everyone was wondering.

"Ok." Cragen nodded as he turned back to Elliot and Olivia.

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispered.

"Stop apologising." Elliot whispered.

"I'm ... right." She whispered as she wiped her tears. "God, I don't know why I can't stop crying once I start." She explained.

"There's nothing wrong with crying Olivia." He told her gently.

"El." She stopped him rocking her and made him look her in the eyes.

"What is it baby?" He asked.

"I want to go home." She told him. "Get them to let me go home."

"You want me to go and find out if you can go?" He asked her just to be sure.

"Yes." She nodded.

"Ok. Now?"

"Yes. Go. Now." She was forceful and he nodded and kissed the side of the bed before making his way to the door.

"We're just going to step out Olivia, talk to Huang for a bit until Elliot comes back." Cragen said getting to his feet. Munch and Fin taking that as a signal for them to get up too.

"Ok." She whispered knowing this was going to be the hardest conversation she'd ever had in her life.

"We'll be right outside if you need us baby girl." Fin said knowing she was scared.

Olivia gave him a nod before he followed his Captain out of the door. Olivia sat back into the pillows and pulled the blanket tight around her before smoothing it out.

"Go." She said knowing Huang was just waiting for her to be ready.

"Ok, let's begin with you telling me how you're feeling now." He said softly, in his typical shrink voice that always sent shivers down Olivia's spine making her uncomfortable but this time it seemed to have a soothing affect on her, making her want to open up to him.

"I feel broken." She replied.

"What makes you feel broken Olivia?" He asked not quite understanding what she meant.

"I mean, I actually feel like a puzzle and all my parts have crumbled, I feel broken." She explained. "But I also feel scared that I can't be fixed."

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**Shorter chapter than 10 but still a decent length I think. Let me know if you want more more more!**


	12. 12 Arraigning

**A/N – I'm glad you like my regular updates, easier for me to keep track by updating as often as I finish writing. When I get blocked ... well my apologies for when/if that happens. Until then enjoy the story!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twelve – Arraigning

**Benson-Stabler Apartment**

April 3rd 7.13 am

Olivia woke up and slowly climbed out of bed. She pulled on her robe and looked over to Elliot who was snoring softly. She smiled, he was her hero in every sense of the word. She'd been up and down all night with nightmares and he'd cradled her and coaxed her back to sleep after every one of them.

"Want something?" He asked making her jump.

"Just enjoying the view." She replied with a soft smile on her face.

"What are you doing up?" He asked as he slowly woke himself up.

"I want to go to court, they're arraigning Toby McArthur today." Olivia replied honestly but it made Elliot jump to sitting.

"What? Why do you want to go Olivia?" He asked her softly as she climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I want to see what stunts the defence pull and ..." She sighed knowing it was hurting him that he couldn't help her. "I don't want the first time I see him to be when I'm in the witness box El. I _need _to see him and then ... then I can start healing."

"Ok, at least let me come with you and hold your hand?" He asked almost pleading as he looked into her eyes, he could almost see all the hurt inside her, they were the window into her soul.

"I'd really like that." She smiled and she slowly kissed the tip of his nose, still uncomfortable when he made the first move but needing to show him that she cared about him and loved him.

"What time are you meeting that woman today?" Elliot asked knowing Olivia had been on the phone with Huang for two hours the previous night setting up a therapy session.

"She's not 'that woman' El, her name is Lorena McGuire and she's a therapist who specialises in RTS in SS patients." She explained, she refused to use the full terms of her psychiatric state finding it easier to just use the abbreviated versions.

"Ok I'm sorry, so what time are you seeing Lorena McGuire?" He asked her.

"Three." Olivia replied as she headed into the bathroom pulling on the shower.

"I was thinking, after court, maybe we could go to Tiffany's?" He called but she popped her head around the door.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"I said, after court maybe we could go to Tiffany's so you can choose yourself a new ring." Elliot repeated.

"Ok." Olivia smiled before going back into the bathroom and locking the door behind her so she could have her third shower in less than twenty four hours.

He listened to the sound of the shower knowing that she felt disgusting and dirty, she'd told more than a hundred times when he'd switched the shower off on her after they arrived home, of course she'd told Elliot she stank like hospital but he knew otherwise, he knew that she still felt him, his touch, his taste, his everything. Slowly he got out of bed and changed quickly before heading to the kitchen to make her coffee.

Olivia didn't take as long in the shower as he'd expected. She'd changed into a pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. He smiled gently as he passed her a coffee.

"Thanks." She replied.

They drank their coffee's in privet neither one of them sure what to say to the other. Olivia didn't want to say anything that might upset Elliot and Elliot unsure what the right thing was to say to Olivia.

As she placed her now empty mug on the coffee table she looked at Elliot.

"Ready?" She asked him and he nodded before getting to his feet.

"Let's go." He said giving her his hand.

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**New York Arraignment Court**

April 3rd 8.58 am

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Elliot asked as Olivia clutched at his hand.

"Yes." She replied before pressing a shaky hand to the door and pushing it open.

What she saw was not something the expected. Every seat was filled with officers in uniform or dress blues coming to show her their support. Some nodded to her and others smiled gently as she made her way to the front row of seats. She sat down without letting go of Elliot's hand.

"Arraignment is in session, the honourable judge Elizabeth Donnelly presiding." A voice echoed making everyone in the room stand up.

Liz Donnelly made her way to the judges chair and sat down before everyone else sat down.

"Docket ending six zero five zero the people of New York versus Doctor Toby McArthur, One count kidnapping in the first degree, Three counts Aggravated Assault against a Police Officer in the first degree, One count rape in the first degree."

Olivia squeezed Elliot's hand as the information was all passed to Liz Donnelly and she slipped on her glasses to read them.

"How does the defendant plead?"

"Not guilty." Toby McArthur called and his voice made Olivia physically shiver.

"Are you alright?" Elliot whispered.

Olivia didn't trust her voice so just nodded firmly, she was determined to be strong.

"I see the Defence is trying four motions." Donnelly said looking at Trevor Langan the defence attorney.

"Yes Your Honour, Detective Benson was not on duty when she was assaulted, so three motions to drop the charges to assault and the first is to suppress the evidence of the rape kit."

"We have video evidence of the attack and numerous times does the defendant call Detective Benson 'Detective' meaning he knew that she was an officer of the law." Alex stated.

"The rape kit was performed at Mercy General Hospital by Doctor Stewart who has performed multiple rape kits for this court." Casey added

"But a rape kit is normally conducted within an hour or so of the claim of rape to be made, Detective Benson didn't have the kit conducted until the next morning, around ten hours after she was found." Langan argued.

"We'll discuss these further at a suppression hearing. I'll hear the people on bail." Donnelly said stopping the argument.

"We request remand your honour, not only did the defendant kidnap Detective Benson from her own bed but he is also under investigation for four murders too."

"My client has no previous record, and is not a flight risk." Langan argued.

"I'm with the people on this one. Defendant is remanded to Rickers for the duration of the trial." Judge Donnelly banged the gavel and Olivia watched as Toby was cuffed.

He spotted Olivia and smiled at her. She felt nauseated and squeezed Elliot's hand.

"Oh don't look at me like that Olivia, what we had was special, we could have been so good together!" Toby called as he was being pulled away by the bailiffs.

"Order! Get the defendant out of here!" Donnelly yelled.

Olivia shoved her head into Elliot's shoulder to hide the tears running down her face.

"Shh, it's ok Olivia, he can't get you baby. He's going to Rickers for a very long time." Elliot whispered gently as Alex and Casey came over to them.

"Olivia, how are you?" Casey asked softly.

"I'm ok." She said pulling away from Elliot's shoulder and sniffing.

"Don't worry about the suppression, it won't work and the charges won't be changed." Alex replied.

"Ok. It's just ... I didn't want to do the kit and then I did and now it might not count." Olivia explained what was upsetting her.

"They won't pull the kit out. They've done kits much later than they did yours and they counted Olivia. So don't worry, he isn't getting away with this." Alex said softly.

"How can he plead not guilty when you have it on tape though?" Olivia asked.

"Night vision camera wasn't good quality and we don't want to use the edited but it's ok Olivia, just because the picture isn't clear, we have plenty of video of the day time with his face clearly on show." Casey said.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"Now you haven't done a formal statement yet have you?" Alex asked.

"No." Olivia replied.

"You need to do that before we get to court." Alex replied.

"I know. I'll set it up for tomorrow." Olivia told her.

"Ok, well we have to go and prepare for the suppression hearing. Call us if you need anything Olivia." Casey said and Olivia stood up shakily and reached over to Alex and embraced her.

Alex knew Olivia was trying to not be a victim. So gently she put her arms around Olivia being careful not to squeeze to tight and panic her. Olivia kissed her gently on the cheek before pulling out and doing the same to Casey.

"I love you guys."Olivia said gently.

"Love you too Olivia take care." Alex said giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'll call with any updates later Liv." Casey said before following Alex out.

Olivia stood holding onto the fence for a moment to stabilize herself as she was shaking like a leaf.

"Liv?" Elliot asked softly.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Uh Yeah, I just ... why did he have to speak to me?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know Liv he's just trying to scare you. He's a behavioural analyst scientist or something he probably wanted to see how you reacted." Elliot suggested.

"Right." Olivia sighed.

"Come on why don't we go shopping and then you can get to your therapy session?" Elliot smiled gently.

"Yeah, yeah ok." Olivia nodded.

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**Tiffany's New York**

April 3rd 10.17 am

"Hi can I help you?" The woman behind the counter asked the couple with a cheery smile on her face.

"Yes, we are looking for an engagement ring." Elliot told her and Olivia gave the woman her friendliest smile as she tried to behave as normal.

"Ok have you got one in mind or any ideas?" The woman asked looking from Elliot to Olivia.

"Uh not really." Olivia shrugged, she had been thinking too much about other things.

"Ok well we have an extensive collection of engagement rings just over this way." The woman smiled and extended her hand for the couple to follow.

Hand in hand they walked to the cabinet that the woman was pointing to.

"That's a lot of rings to choose from." Elliot laughed gently. "See one you like Liv?" Elliot asked but she was in a mind of her own.

"Liv?" He said softly but she was staring at something and he followed her eye line and instantly saw what it was.

"Olivia." He said firmly and she jumped a little and turned to him.

"What?" She asked.

"You went somewhere." He told her. "When you saw the old ring, where did you go?" He asked.

"I just ... not here." She replied realising the woman was listening intently on their conversation.

"Ok well take your pick Liv and don't worry about the price ok?" He smiled gently.

"You choose El, I don't know anyone, I don't care about a ring." She explained.

"I just want it to be perfect for you." He replied.

"I don't care El, anyone, if you've chosen it then it will be perfect." She explained.

"Ok well do you want a completely different one to the first or similar?" He asked.

"Different. Make sure it is nothing like the first one I don't want to be reminded of _him_ and what he did every time I look at my hand." She shivered.

"Ok." Elliot nodded, why don't you go and browse around while I choose?" he asked her softly.

She nodded and stalked off to look at the other shelves and then he looked at the shop assistant.

"Sorry." He told her seeing she'd gone pale.

"No I'm sorry, I just ... She's the detective that was kidnapped right?" She said in a low whisper.

"Uh, yes." Elliot replied nervously.

"How is she coping with it all?" The woman asked a genuine look of concern on her face as she glanced over at Olivia who was looking at some necklaces.

"I have no idea, she's acting so strong but I think it's all a front. The first ring was uh delivered to me when she was missing." Elliot decided to leave out how it had been delivered to him.

"Ah right, what was it like?" She asked him.

"It was that one." Elliot replied pointing to the exact replica of the ring he bought.

"Ah right. Well if you're looking for something completely different don't look at the same shelf. Either look above or below." The woman explained and Elliot had noticed that all the rings on the middle shelf looked quite similar.

"Ok. Maybe a gold one, and just a small stone?" Elliot suggested.

"We have these ones here. This one means past present and future." She said pointing to a ring with a gold band and three small diamonds.

"Perfect." Elliot whispered when he saw it and knowing the meaning it was even better.

"Ok well do you know here size?" The woman went on pulling the ring from the shelf.

Meanwhile Olivia was looking at wedding rings her mind not focusing on what she was looking at but more on what had happened to her. She was thinking about the trial, therapy, and just getting her life back together. Fresh tears pooled in her eyes but she blinked them back not wanting to shed more tears over the monster that was Toby McArthur and it didn't matter how much she told herself that she knew he was a monster she couldn't help but wonder if he was alright in Rickers, if he was hurting and scared. It pained her to know that until she dealt with the Stockholm syndrome she was suffering with she'd always care for Toby in some sense of the word.

"Olivia." Elliot called making her jump a little.

She turned and walked over to him trying to calm her hammering heart as she wondered how long she was going to be like this for, jumping just at the sound of her name.

"What do you think of this one?" He asked her.

She held out her hand and let Elliot slip it onto her finger. She adjusted her finger and moved her hand looking at how the ring fit. It was truly beautiful.

"It means past present and future." He explained pointing at the diamonds.

"I love it." She said her voice a near whisper.

"Keep it on then, I'll just pay for it now." He smiled and kissed her gently on the cheek.

She wanted to pull away even though she knew it was Elliot but instead she shut her eyes and held her breath. He saw her reaction and suddenly felt guilty.

"Sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be, please don't." She replied tears in her eyes.

She stepped towards him and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Never apologise." She said firmly.

"I won't." He replied slowly slipping his hands around her waist.

She let him pull her gently into him. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she suddenly found herself gasping for air. He pulled away quickly just as Olivia grabbed the edge of the counter desperately.

"Olivia? Liv breathe baby." He panicked.

She nodded as the free hand clutched her t-shirt at her chest. It took nearly five minutes for her breathing to regulate enough for her to speak.

"I'm sorry." She whispered looking from Elliot to the pale shop assistant.

"Don't apologise Liv, it's not your fault." He whispered. "Don't rush yourself."

"Ok. I'm fine now." She explained taking a deep breath.

"I'll just pay for the ring and we'll head off." Elliot told her gently before passing his credit card to the shop assistant with a very apologetic look on his face.

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**Therapy session next! Hope you liked this chapter!**


	13. 13 Speaking

**A/N – I'm glad you like my regular updates, easier for me to keep track by updating as often as I finish writing. When I get blocked ... well my apologies for when/if that happens. Until then enjoy the story!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Thirteen – Speaking

**Rape Trauma Syndrome Help Centre**

**3.04 pm**

Olivia sat on the couch opposite Lorna McGuire. She was eyeing the doctor up taking in her young face, blonde hair and green eyes. The most prominent thing in Olivia's mind was the woman was so young. There was no way she was even in her thirties and Olivia didn't care how much schooling and training and years she'd been doing the job there was no way she'd seen and heard as much as Olivia had in her years as an SVU detective.

Lorna was eyeing up Olivia. She could see the trauma in the detectives deep brown eyes, she could see the years the woman had lived on her brow and she could definitely tell that the woman in front of her was terrified. Olivia's legs were bouncing up and down and her hands were clasp together in her lap. The glistening tears in her eyes, ready to fall were inadmissible and Lorna could tell Olivia would rather be anywhere but here. She scribbled in her notebook and took a deep breath readying herself to speak to Olivia.

"How are you today Olivia?" She asked softly, trying not to patronize Olivia but show that she was caring and wanting to help her.

"I'm fine." Olivia replied, there was rarely any other way she described how she felt, I'm fine always said that she was alive and kicking without revealing anything of what she was thinking.

"Your fine?" Lorna asked understanding what Olivia was doing.

"Yeah, fine." Olivia replied her eyes shifting from her hands to the floor and back again, she wasn't ready to look Lorna in the eye.

"Ok, well for me to begin helping you Olivia, I need you to tell me what happened, what you went through. Can you do that for me?" Lorna asked.

"I guess." Olivia shrugged, she'd been trying to mentally prepare herself to tell her story but it didn't make it any easier, as much as she repeated what happened in her head it didn't make it easier to tell someone else out loud.

"You can start wherever is most comfortable with you." Lorna smiled gently knowing some people preferred skipping bits they thought were irrelevant but they would tell her at a later time.

Olivia just shrugged her lips grinding against each other she wondered where to even begin telling the young woman in front of her exactly what she had been through.

"Ok why don't you tell me what you've been thinking about the most? What sticks out from what happened to you?" Lorna suggested trying to get Olivia to start somewhere.

"I don't know." Olivia sighed. "There's just too much to pin point one thing none of it makes sense I'm used to putting explanations on cases like mine, I'm the one who fights for the victims and gives them a voice but ..." Olivia cut off and closed her eyes determined not to cry.

"But you can't give yourself a voice." Lorna finished for her.

"Yeah." Olivia replied relived that Lorna understood what she meant.

"Do feel like a victim?" Lorna asked and Olivia looked at her in the eye.

"I don't know what a victim feels like." Olivia replied dryly, she didn't want to be called a victim and that was obvious to Lorna.

"Ok, why don't you tell me how you do feel except for fine?" Lorna asked with a gentle smile and Olivia smiled back weakly.

"I don't know how I feel, there are too many different emotions to pin point on one." She explained.

"Tell me all of them." Lorna replied firmly.

"Ok well I feel ... I don't know I'm not scared anymore I'm anxious though, I'm apprehensive and I'm tired and angry, I'm lost and confused and perplexed." Olivia shrugged this being the first time she really explained in words how she was feeling.

"Ok what are you anxious about?" Lorna asked needing to get as much information out of Olivia as she possibly could.

"Everything." Olivia shrugged. "I don't know the trial, viewing the video footage of what happened, anxious that people will treat me differently I mean Elliot does." Olivia sighed.

"Who's Elliot?" Lorna asked and Olivia gave a small chuckle for a minute she had forgotten that she wasn't talking with Huang who already knew all about her.

"He's my fiancé." Olivia replied her thumb subconsciously playing with her engagement ring.

"Ok how's he been treating you differently?"

"He's weary around me and I understand why I mean I'm jumpy, I won't let him touch me and I try and show him that I still love him in my own way but even hugging him gave me a panic attack and I'm scared that he's going to leave me because at the moment I'm not the person he fell in love with." Olivia explained her voice becoming faster and high pitched as she became more panicked.

"The panic attack. Where were you when that happened?" Lorna asked.

"Tiffany's." Olivia replied.

"Ok and what happened just before it?" Lorna asked scribbling on her notepad.

"He'd just bought me a new engagement ring, the other one is in evidence and I honestly never want to see the thing again but he told me what this ring meant apparently the diamonds mean past present future and I told him I liked it and he kissed me on the cheek, just gently but I pulled away and..." Olivia frowned as she was angry with herself for what happened and she blamed herself. "He didn't mind but I felt so guilty and so I put my arms around his neck and he put his around my waist and I stepped closer and closer needing to feel him but I couldn't handle it and I panicked." Olivia explained a tear slipping down her cheek but she brushed it away as she'd decided she'd cried enough over all of this.

"Did you have a flashback?" Lorna asked.

Olivia just shook her head and bit her bottom lip.

"What is it Olivia?" Lorna asked knowing there was something going on in Olivia's mind.

"I haven't had any flashbacks." Olivia said the confusion evident on her face as she looked up at Lorna.

"Olivia, sometimes with severe cases of trauma the flashbacks don't come for a while and sometimes they don't come at all every case is different." Lorna explained trying to reassure the worried detective.

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "So they could come but they might not come at all got it." She repeated the information for her own benefit.

Lorna sat back in her chair and watched as Olivia played with her necklace, the one that reminded her to always be fearless but for the first time in her life it was the one thing she didn't feel.

"What's the first thing you remember from when you were rescued?" Lorna asked trying to go anywhere with this conversation but knowing that Olivia wasn't ready to talk about what actually happened.

"I remember Elliot carrying me out of the building and I panicked because there were loads of flashes and I know now it was from the photographers from the press taking photos but at the time I didn't know what it was and I didn't know what to do or where to turn." Olivia explained.

"That's natural you'd been locked in a room for nearly twenty hours with no sense of time Olivia, coming outside must have been traumatic." Lorna replied gently.

"It probably sounds really strange but when I was in there, I started to wonder if I never got out would it really be that bad to live in that room for the rest of my life with only Toby for company I mean obviously I missed Elliot but he would move on. That was before Toby raped me though, when that happened all I wanted was Elliot." Olivia explained further.

Lorna just nodded, she'd heard hundreds of rape stories but not as many as the detective she'd heard a lot about in her line of work, she'd heard women say that if it wasn't for the woman in front of her they'd have killed themselves it was horrifying to see her so vulnerable and worn out.

"Elliot obviously means a lot to you Olivia." Lorna commented.

"He's my everything." Olivia replied. "He's my partner at work well sort of we've been working less and less together since we got together but he's still my other half, I wouldn't be half the detective I am if it wasn't for him you know. He's the one who keeps me together when I'm trying to help keep the victims together. I wouldn't be able to do my job if it wasn't for Elliot." She replied wiping fresh tears from her eyes.

"I was told he watched everything that happened to you on a monitor, have you tried opening up to him about how you've been feeling?" Lorna asked.

"No." Olivia replied firmly. "I don't want to either. Elliot and I, well, this is one thing we need to deal with separately first."

"Ok, that's completely fine Olivia." Lorna reassured her, the last thing she needed was Olivia to be questioning herself when she was this weak. "What do you remember most from the hospital?"

"God." Olivia blinked back more tears. "The only thing I can remember really is ..." Olivia shook her head but Lorna leaned forward wanting to hear what she was going to say. "I just keep thinking about the rape kit." Olivia sighed.

"Why?" Lorna asked gently.

"I've helped doctors do them Lorna. I've held girls hands while they have them done the last thing I've ever thought about is having to have one myself ... I'd rather have been raped again." Olivia's voice was a whisper on the last sentiment.

"Why?" Lorna asked again needing Olivia to give her as much information as she could.

"It was my living nightmare. I've actually had nightmares about having a rape kit done and woken up in cold sweats and it makes me shiver just thinking about it but having one done is ten times worse than I could have ever imagined it being. I had Elliot to hold my hand, my best friend, my other half and as painful as it was emotionally as well as physically he was there for me but for those girls I've seen have them done, those girls it's me holding their hands ... I just can't begin to imagine how hard it is for them." Olivia explained.

Lorna stared in shock as she couldn't even gather a thought so words were out of the question. The woman in front of her had been through some of the worst trauma imaginable to man and here she was telling the therapist that she was thinking of other women, other people and not herself. Lorna realised that the woman in front of her would never fall into the category of victim, she was too strong, too sympathetic and too caring and would always put others before herself and that wasn't something she'd ever come across and she didn't even know where to begin.

"Olivia ..." Lorna began and Olivia looked her in the eye. "You know, I've treated girls who have had a rape kit done with you by their side and I'm not lying to you when I say most of them say they wouldn't have gotten through it had you not been there."

"Really?" Olivia asked.

"Really Olivia. You've been a rock to so many people, some of whom have said they'd have jumped off a bridge or eaten a gun had you not been by their side." Lorna explained.

Olivia swallowed and wiped more tears from her eyes. She suddenly felt better, stronger and more confident in herself than she had in days. For a moment she didn't care about her own trauma, the fact that she'd made a difference to other women who had to endure what she had made her feel happy and warm inside.

"I needed to hear that." Olivia smiled gratefully.

"I can tell." Lorna smiled back.

"It really puts my job into perspective, I mean, I want to carry on, I was worried that after everything that happened I wouldn't be able to go back to work but now, now I know I need to, have too and I know I can." Olivia smiled, her voice was suddenly stronger too and it just made Lorna smile.

"I'm really glad to hear that Olivia." Lorna beamed, she knew that Olivia was telling her the truth and speaking from her heart.

"I think it's what's going to get me through this too Lorna, I mean, helping other people and now, having been through it myself, it's going to make it easier to empathise with them not just sympathise." Olivia explained.

"Exactly." Lorna nodded feeling proud of the older detective in front of her. She was surprised because it wasn't a feeling she often felt in the therapy room.

"Can we leave it here for today? Right now there's somewhere else I feel I need to be." Olivia explained.

"Of course, I'll see you tomorrow?" Lorna asked.

"Absolutely." Olivia smiled a genuine heart warming smile. She clasped her necklace in her hand as she stood up and realised now, she was more fearless than she had ever been.


	14. 14 Viewing

**A/N – So the last chapter probably wasn't what you were all expecting but she isn't magically cured believe me when I say the worst is yet to come!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Fourteen – Facing

**Manhattan SVU**

April 3rd 4.21 pm

Olivia stared up at the building. She'd come out of therapy and jumped into a cab with only one destination in mind. But now, stood outside, she wasn't so sure it had been a good idea. Her legs shook as she tried to find the courage she needed to go up the stone steps into the building she'd spent almost every day of the last eight years going in and out of. Taking one last deep breath she walked forward deciding it was now or never and never didn't sit well with her.

"Good afternoon Detective Benson." The uniformed guard at the door smiled raising his hat to her.

"Good afternoon." Olivia replied, she never spoke to the guard and they normally never spoke to her but she knew that everyone in the building would be kinder with her at the moment, they all knew what had happened so they'd be tip toeing around her and that annoyed her, though she'd never show it.

As she would on a regular day she hit the button for the elevator and hoped inside as soon as the door opened, knocking the familiar button for the floor where The Special Victims Unit was housed.

When she exited the lift she could hear the usual hustle and bustle of the bullpen in the distance and it bought a small smile to her face, now she wondered what she had been worried about in the first place. She walked down the corridor passed the empty cage to the bullpen.

What caught her eye when she entered had her frozen to the spot.

"Olivia?" Munch said coming over to her but her eyes had glazed over and she was staring into the distance.

Munch turned to look and saw exactly what she was looking at.

"Olivia don't look at that." He said gently putting his hand on her shoulder to steer her away but she pulled away from him and walked towards the large screens.

A picture of her face was on one board, the relief that it was the picture from her police jacket in her dress blues was indescribable. Then on the other side a picture of Toby McArthur. In between was a timeline of the events that had occurred beginning from her kidnap all the way to her rape and rescue.

"Olivia?" Cragen called spotting her.

He marched towards her but she was too busy looking at the board in front of her. Seeing what she'd been through down in such basic terms actually angered her.

"You don't want to be looking at that Olivia." Cragen said putting his arm around her shoulders.

She jerked away quickly, still uncomfortable with anyone being so close to her.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"It's ok." He replied understanding.

She turned back to the board, as she felt the need to see it. There was a list of all the evidence gathered and Olivia felt her stomach churn as she read it.

"Cap." She whispered.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked.

"I want to see the tape." She mumbled.

"What?" He asked uncertain if he'd heard her right.

"I want to see the tape, the footage, before it's played in court." She explained her voice shaking.

"Olivia..."

"Don't! I want to see it!" She yelled making a lot of people stop what they were doing and stare.

"Well there are now two versions of the tape, the full version which is twenty hours long and the version that is going to be played in court which one do you want?" Cragen asked knowing it was better not to argue.

"The one that's going to be played in court." She replied.

"Come and watch it my office." He said his head motioning to the door.

She nodded and followed him through, the TV was already in there and he picked up a case with "court evidence" written on it. He pulled out the disk and placed it into the drive before pulling a chair up for Olivia and one for himself.

"You don't have to sit with me you know." She mumbled.

"This isn't something you should be alone to watch Olivia." He said. "Now are you sure you want to watch it?" He asked as he held the remote control.

She just nodded and as he pressed the play button she swallowed hard. She had to clasp her hands together in her lap to hide how much she was shaking as the first picture came on. It was of her leaning down to have the cuffs taken off her. As her elbow connected with Toby's chest her heart pounded in her head because she knew what came next without watching and seeing it played out in front of her just made her scared. Cragen sensed her discomfort and extended his hand to her. She could see it through the corner of her eye and slowly slipped her hand into his and have it a comforting squeeze which made him smile softly. As Olivia's figure on the screen fell crashing to the concrete floor she jumped a little which Cragen didn't miss but she pursued her lips and didn't turn away. As her figure was pulled sobbing into Toby's arms she shivered as she still felt his touch on her and she didn't like it one bit.

The footage seemed to jump a little which showed Olivia it was where it had been cut, now she saw her own figure jerk away from Toby and watched as the scene unfolded. She watched herself wanting to scream at herself because she watched him brainwashing her, this was seeing it from someone else's point of view and it angered her that she'd fallen into his trap. He pulled of his balaclava and when she saw his face she felt nauseated. She gave Cragen's hand another squeeze without looking at him and he knew she needed confirmation that he was still here and gave her a gentle squeeze back.

The footage jumped again, it was too when they had just finished lunch, and as she watched his fist collide with the side of her head she gasped because she could still feel it, and the aggravated purple bruise she had was proof of how much it had hit her.

"How long was I out for?" Olivia whispered.

"Nearly an hour." He replied.

She nodded as the scene changed again. The room was empty and she guessed it was when she had gone to the bathroom. Suddenly she saw herself flying into the room and hitting the concrete floor. The hand that wasn't clasping Cragen rubbed one of her knees, remembering how much they'd stung when they'd hit the floor.

"I sure gave you a good view." Olivia mumbled as she saw herself examining all her injuries.

She closed her eyes as the onscreen her examined the marks all over her face and neck, she'd seen them that morning when looking in the mirror and they were finally starting to heal, she didn't need to see them on screen too.

"Liv?" Cragen asked.

"I'm ok." She replied opening her eyes just as the onscreen her rolled up her top.

The bright red mark on the screen was a bright purple and blue mark on her body. Her hand rolled into as much of fist a fist as she could, considering she had a cast on, at her stomach, it was still to tender to touch and even clothes aggravated it.

The onscreen version pressed fingers to the back of her head and then brought them forward and Olivia's hand automatically did the same, she had a large scab there now, but seeing the blood reminded her how much it had hurt at the time.

The screen flickered again and this time she was and Toby were sat on the floor putting up the air bed. As he grabbed her hair the Olivia watching winced and struggled to keep her eyes open as she watched Toby push her into the wall. As her body tumbled to the floor she looked away.

"Olivia ..."

"No. I have to do this." She told Cragen knowing what he was going to say.

When she turned back to the screen it had changed once again. It was of her and Toby making the bed and she felt sick as she remembered what happened next before she saw it. His hand on her cheek and her hand on his cheek she held her breath as she punched him in the face followed by a kick.

"That was one hell of a kick." Cragen commented and Olivia gave a soft chuckle, he was right in saying that.

But as Toby grabbed her wrists on the screen, she had to blink back the tears because as she watched him begin to pummel her she could feel every punch almost as if it was happening again. She had to wipe the tears from her eyes just to be able to see the screen now.

The scene changed completely and she was in the bathroom.

"He put a camera in there?" She asked shocked.

"Yes, just for the bath when he told you to change he switched it off." Cragen replied.

"Ok. But it wasn't there when I tried to dive out the window?" She asked and Cragen shook his head.

Olivia watched her on screen self getting into the bath, she could see how purple and blue her skin was and was relieved when the scene changed, that was until she realised what it had changed too.

It was now night vision and she heard the door open and close and the looming figure of Toby enter the room. Suddenly the screen froze and Olivia snapped her head to Cragen.

"I just need to know that you're a hundred percent sure you want to see this Olivia." Cragen explained, he'd paused the tape.

"Yes, Cap they're going to play this in court and I will be there and I don't want it the first time I see it to be the same time as the jury sees it." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Cragen sighed and he knocked the play button.

As Toby's voice told her not to screen her heart hammered inside her chest because even though she was just watching it, it felt like it was happening again, she wanted to just scream as loud as she could. As his lips crashed into hers her hand flew to her mouth subconsciously. Cragen watched her carefully his finger on the pause button ready to stop it if it got too much. As Toby's figure flew and she darted across the room the tears stung her eyes, because as it was playing out in front of her she saw what happened next in her mind.

Her pleas and his cries of outrage echoed across the small office. She watched Toby throw her onto the air bed and watched as she crashed to the floor. Her heart was still hammering as the tears slipped down her cheeks uncontrollably. The hand at her stomach ached as she watched Toby scramble for her wrist, she knew that was the moment it broke and her scream of fear and agony that echoed around Cragen's office just reaffirmed her.

"Cap." She croaked making him knock the pause button.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked.

"Where they my cuffs?" She asked him.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Toby took my handcuffs in the flat, where they mine?" She asked.

"Yes." He replied knowing it would be better in the long run that she didn't lie.

"Ok let it play." She said turning back to the TV once again.

She watched as she fought against him as he carried her and placed her on the bed. Her cast had was at her mouth because she was so scared she was going to be sick as she watched Toby shove his hand up her night gown.

"Oh my God." She mumbled.

Cragen badly wanted to press pause and stop her from watching it. This was the third time he was seeing it and it still made him cry and feel sick.

As she saw her kick him and heard her scream in agony the ache between her legs amplified as she felt the nails tear her insides once again.

"Oh my God!" She cried as she sobbed now, she couldn't stop it but as Cragen moved to stop it she put her arm out to stop him because she was determined to see it to the end.

She watched him press up against her on the door and she took Cragen's hand once again gripping it tight as she watched. The quality was good enough to see what was happening. She watched her nightgown rip from her leaving her naked and she watched as he thrust inside her and she heaved.

"Olivia ..."

"No! I need to see it." She yelled firmly her eyes not moving from the screen.

Her pleas and cries and his grunts and moans just made her feel sicker. His cry as he climaxed made the bile rise in her throat but she swallowed it back determined not to throw up.

She watches, as he carries her back to the bed, she sees that she's fatigues as he presses his arm into her and drops his mouth to her.

"Oh my God." She whimpers as she watches, seeing how much pleasure he is getting from her. She squeezes Cragen's hand harder as her revolution is replaced by frustration at seeing how little she's fighting back.

"I should have fought harder." She whispers.

Cragen has to stifle a sob at Olivia's words because he wanted more than anything for her to stop fighting, let whatever happened happen so she wouldn't have gotten hurt so much, he could see what his fingernails had done and hearing the scum say he tasted blood on her only reaffirmed it and he knew that would have been as physically painful as it was emotionally for her. As another call of ecstasy erupted from Toby's mouth the door flew open and Fin's voice filled the room and Olivia watched her naked body dive into the furthest corner before the tape ended.

She couldn't move as she stared at the blank screen.

"Olivia?"

She could hear Cragen's voice but she couldn't say anything, her throat was dry her mind was spinning and she could barely breath.

"Liv?" He attempted but she just shook her head before her body began to convulse with wracked sobs.

"Oh my God!" She cried and he desperately wanted to wrap his arms around her but remembering how much she'd reacted to his touch earlier she knew she shouldn't.

With a little hope in his heart he rushed into the bullpen and saw Elliot walking into the squad room.

"Elliot!" He called signalling and Elliot knew it was bad.

He ran after his Captain and saw Olivia in a crumbling wreck. She saw him and wrapped her arms round him tight and he did the same to her. She was hysterical and the images of what she had just seen flickered around in her mind and she couldn't stop them, there was no pause button on her mind like there was on the TV.

"Why did you watch it baby, God why?" Elliot asked as he began to sob, the images flooding his mind because he'd watched it as it was happening.

"I'm sorry... I had to ... I needed too... why didn't I fight him more!" She yelled the last question and Elliot just let out a harsh sob because he couldn't answer that question and right now he wasn't in a fit state to tell her she did everything right and remind her, what she reminded all victims, she survived, that was what mattered, that was what was important.

"Shh, baby, I've got you." He managed too coo through his tears.

"I'm sorry, oh my God, I'm sorry you had to watch that!" She cried.

"It's not your fault, don't you dare think any of this is your fault." He cried firmly.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising Liv, you've got nothing to apologise about." He reminded her.

"Ok." She cried still sobbing uncontrollably on Elliot's shoulder.

She didn't want to let him go, for the life of her she didn't. She pulled her head away and closed her eyes before crashing her lips onto his, she needed to feel him, she needed to feel the man she loved and remind herself that kissing and touching could be something enjoyable and loving and not just what she had endured at the hands of Toby McArthur.

"God I love you." She mumbled into his mouth.

"I love you too Liv, God don't you ever forget that." He told her bringing one hand up to the side of her face and stroking. She rubbed her head into his hand as more tears slid down her cheeks.

"I don't know if I can do this El." She told him honestly.

"What can't you do baby?" He asked her, his heart breaking into a million pieces.

"The trial, I can't go up there and tell everybody what he did to me when ... I just want to forget Elliot!" She sobbed her voice hiccupping as she cried.

"I know baby, but we'll get through this. You and me ok? We'll do it together." He told her.

"I can't even watch the tape without becoming a mess. How am I going to sit in the box and tell people I don't know what happened when I can't even talk to you about it?" She asked.

"Let's not worry about that now baby. Please, let me just take you home." He told her.

"Yes. Please take me home." Olivia replied.

Elliot scooped her up into his arms and she held onto him still sobbing, not caring who saw her. Elliot gave his Captain a curt nod before carrying her through the bullpen with one destination in mind, home.

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**So she saw the tape, honest reaction? Next up, she talks to Elliot.**


	15. 15 Talking

**A/N – So the last chapter probably wasn't what you were all expecting but she isn't magically cured believe me when I say the worst is yet to come!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Fifteen – Dealing

**Benson-Stabler residence**

April 3rd 6.36 pm

Olivia and Elliot cuddled up on the couch with a takeout pizza. Olivia had gotten herself into her pyjamas and was just relived that she could touch Elliot and accept his touch again. She wanted to talk to him and was determined that they were going to start now, here, tonight.

"El?" She began as she picked at a piece of pizza.

"What is it Liv?" He asked just enjoying feeling her leaning against him and allowing him to play with her hair.

"When you were watching the tape...what was going through your mind?" She asked hoping that asking questions to him and hearing his thoughts and feelings would make it easier for her to do the same.

"A lot of things Liv, I wanted to save you, to rescue you and I wanted to kill him and make sure I hurt him as much as he hurt you." Elliot replied honestly. "Why are you asking?"

"The conversation has got to start somewhere." She shrugged.

"When he was ... when the worst happened..." She didn't like saying that she was raped, she thought it made her sound weak and vulnerable. "...I kept thinking of you...I needed you more than I've ever needed you and do you know what ... you showed up, it made me realise how much you mean to me El." She was talking in a near whisper and trying to blink back the tears.

"Liv when the worst began happening, I was on my way to get you and God had been able to get there sooner ... I would have killed myself if I hadn't been able to get to you." He told her honestly.

"I've been really scared El."

"I know." He whispered.

"No not of Toby and what happened, scared ... scared that I'll lose you because of what happened." She explained.

"I'm going nowhere Olivia. The ring ... Past, present and future, that last bit, future, that means when we're old and gray and have grandkids running around a garden." He explained making her laugh softly.

"Thank you El." She whispered.

"What are you thanking me for?" He asked with a slight laugh.

"Saving me." She replied warmly.

"It's Munch and Fin you should thank, they found you." He replied.

"No not rescuing me, saving me, really saving me from everything. Sometimes, it used to feel like I didn't have anything but work and then I realised it wasn't work I cared about it was you and then you and Kathy had a divorce and I got you and I realised you saved me from myself, when I became your partner." She explained.

"I don't get it but ok I'll accept your thanks." He laughed as Olivia elbowed him in the ribs. "What was that for?" He asked and she just laughed and turned to face him.

"I love you." She smiled.

"I love you too... can I kiss you?" He asked and she moved the plate from her lap and turned to him.

"I'd like that." She whispered with a smile and slowly she leant into him.

He didn't need to do anything but react to her, she was passionate, deep still needing to feel that connection, it was slow and she took her time not wanting to rush this.

"I love you." She mumbled into his mouth.

"You already said that." He laughed as she smacked his shoulder. "I love you too." He said as he leant in to her for more kissing.

It was the make out moment of all making out.

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**Manhattan SVU**

April 4th 9.45 am

Olivia and Elliot arrived the precinct in good time, she had to give her statement to Munch and Fin this morning and after finding out that the defence had changed their plea to not guilty by reason of insanity she knew they needed it now more than ever. She couldn't hide how nervous she felt as she took her seat at her desk. There was a box of letters, one that hadn't yet been sent over to their apartment and as she had nothing to do and had to wait for Munch and Fin she thought she'd read a few.

Dear Olivia, be strong, Mandy Samuels.

One card read, she smiled, she knew that Mandy Samuels had been sexually assaulted on her way to work and would have been raped too if she didn't carry pepper spray in her hand bag.

Dear Detective, as you face your darkest hours remember that the Lord our God is with you. Grade 2 Saint Winfred's Catholic school.

Olivia just smiled as she looked at all the names the kids had obviously written in. The card was beautiful too, it had a picture of an angel with "get well soon" in beautiful Gold font and not caring about what other people would think she placed it beside her photos on her desk.

She reached into the box and pulled out another card.

Olivia, Be strong, you survived, don't ever forget that, all my love to you, Mariah Hallows

She smiled, Mariah Hallows was one of the girls she'd sat with through a rape kit, she wondered if she was one who told Lorna that she couldn't have done it without Olivia. Again she placed the card on her desk and smiled, they brightened the gloomy thing up a little with their bright colours. She grabbed another one determined to get through as many as she could before Fin and Munch called her through.

Dear Olivia, be fearless, love Addie Lorena.

Olivia smiled, Addie Lorena had been ten years old when she was raped by her foster brother, Olivia had been with her through the whole process and Addie had held it together so much that Olivia had gone out and bought her a fearless necklace an exact double of her own that Addie had played with when Olivia had held her.

She turned the card over and smiled. As well as saying Get Well Soon on the front it had the word fearless in silver, the letters scattered across the different squared and it just made her smile broaden as she placed the card on her desk.

"Olivia?" Munch called coming over to her.

"Now?" She asked sighing.

Munch just nodded and extended his arm towards the interview room. Olivia gulped and took a deep breath before getting out of her seat. Elliot stood up but she stopped at him.

"Please don't come and watch." She asked.

"Why baby?" Elliot asked.

"Because I don't want you too, El if there's anything you need to ask about what happened then you can ask me please don't sit in on this." She was pleading with him, not because she didn't want him to hear what she had to say but she knew that it would hit him hard and she didn't want that for him.

"Ok I won't." He replied and she wrapped her arms around him and held him for a minute taking in his spicy smell.

He kissed her temple and she pulled away and gave him a weak smile before making her way to the interview room. She saw Cragen standing by the two way looking nervous and she gave him a weak, yet reassuring smile.

"Ok Baby girl we'll do this as quick and as painless as we can ok?" Fin smiled reassuringly and she nodded, there was nothing about this that would ever be painless.

"Ok just go from the beginning Olivia, from when Elliot left after Fin called and then if there's something we need we'll stop you and ask you..."

"I know how it works." Olivia spat snapping at them.

"Ok when you're ready." Munch said sitting down, he was going to be the one writing while Fin asked the questions.

"Ok Fin called Elliot into work, I heard Elliot leave and then I heard the door open again." Olivia started.

"What time was it?" Fin asked.

"No idea, you can ask Elliot or yourself that because I didn't even open my eyes, I talked to Elliot but my eyes were closed the whole time I didn't want to wake up properly." Olivia replied angrily.

"Ok carry on." Fin told her feeling so guilty that he had to make her do this.

"Ok I heard the door open, the front door but I just thought Elliot had forgotten something. I heard him come into the bedroom and I asked what had he forgotten and then Toby said he hadn't forgotten anything and I opened my eyes and jumped up I was going for my gun but he told me not to." Olivia explained.

"What were his exact words when he spoke to you Liv?" Fin asked.

"God! I don't know! It was three days ago!" Olivia snapped angrily.

"Ok sorry go on." Fin replied and he knew what was going through everyone's mind, had this been anyone else, they'd have taken the statement sooner.

"Ok so he told me to pack and change, I went into the bathroom to change and then I rushed for the front door but he was quicker, he grabbed me and smacked a pad with chloroform onto my face knocking me out." Olivia explained.

"Ok what happened when you woke up? We only need up until the camera came on for us ok." Fin explained.

"I came round I was handcuffed and gagged. It was pitch black but when I made a noise the light came on. Toby said "Wakey, Wakey Olivia." Through some tanoy. I saw the two way and guessed he was watching me." Olivia shrugged.

"Ok then what?" Fin asked just wanting to get this over with.

"He came into the room, still in his balaclava and he cleaned up my cheek. He took the gag off first and then he washed it with antiseptic wipes and put butterfly strips on it. I asked him how I hurt my cheek and he told me he did it after he knocked me out on the coffee table." Olivia explained.

"Right." Fin nodded.

"Then he told me he'd be back and he left." Olivia added.

"Carry on?" Fin asked knowing that they weren't far from where the camera had come on.

"He came back into the room and ask me how I was I said I was fine and he hit me I fell from the chair onto the floor. Then I stayed on the floor crying until he came in with lunch." Olivia explained.

"Ok that's when the tape came on." Fin explained. "Now when he took you to the bathroom the first time what happened?"

"I went into the bathroom, there wasn't a lock on the door. I saw the window, climbed up on to the bath and used my shoe to break the glass and dived out but it was small and I wasn't quick enough, he dragged me back in and threw me against the wall. I slid down ..." Olivia frowned as she battled back her tears, her voice was already shaking. "... that's when he kicked me in the stomach and then he dragged me back to the room by my hair." Olivia explained.

"Ok the camera's went off after he told you to change did anything happen then?" Fin asked.

"No. I just changed, looked at my injuries and found that I was purple." Olivia sighed.

"Ok that's it Liv, we have everything else on tape we're not going to make you tell us everything." Fin smiled gently.

"So that's it?" She asked realising that she had been worrying about nothing.

"That's it Baby girl." Fin smiled and she rushed out the door to find Elliot with Cragen.

"I thought I told you not to watch." She sighed giving him an embrace.

"Sorry." He sighed.

"It's ok." She mumbled into his chest not wanting to let him go. "I'm fine." She added,

"Good." Elliot replied knowing she wouldn't have said how she was feeling if she wasn't really feeling that way without being asked.

"Now take me home please, so I can relax before I go to therapy." Olivia explained pulling away.

"Let's go baby." Elliot smiled kissing her head making her smile softly, Elliot was still the only person who she felt comfortable being touched by.

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**Rape Trauma Syndrome Help Centre**

April 4th 3.09 pm

Olivia was back sat on the couch her legs bouncing nervously. She clutched to the side of the couch, with great difficulty on one side because of the heavy cast on her broken wrist.

"How are you feeling today Olivia?" Lorna asked sitting back in her chair, her notebook on her lap.

"Fine." She replied.

Lorna gave a breathy chuckle, having already expected 'fine' to be the answer, she knew Olivia would have to be coaxed to open up.

"Ok so tell me what you did after leaving here yesterday?" Lorna began.

"I went to the precinct." Olivia explained.

"The precinct you work at?" Lorna asked to clarify and Olivia nodded.

"Ok, what did you do when you got there?" Lorna asked.

"I checked out the crime board, it was strange seeing my face up there and reading what had happened to me and seeing what evidence they had." Olivia replied.

"How did it make you feel Olivia?" Lorna asked being able to sense it hadn't been easy.

"Angry." Olivia replied biting down on her bottom lip.

"Why did it make you angry?" Lorna asked a look of pure intrigue on her face, the one look Olivia could read on Huang's face was the same look she could read on Lorna's face.

"Seeing what happened to me down in such simple terms, they had a time scale, like a chart of what happened at what time and it was just so infuriating to see something like four am, kidnapped, eleven pm raped, it was just... I don't know." Olivia placed her head in her hands unsure how to really explain what had made her so angry.

"I'm guessing just seeing it in such simple terms as you said, it happened to you so you have not just what happened at what time but you had to feel it and have it happen to you and one the board it just seems so straight forward right?" Lorna asked hoping she was getting it right.

"Yeah exactly." Olivia sighed sitting upright again.

"Ok so what did you do after?" Lorena continued.

"I ..." Olivia's eyes dipped to the floor.

"What is it Olivia?" Lorena asked seeing that Olivia wasn't comfortable and needed an extra push.

"I watched the tape." Olivia replied shakily.

"What tape?" Lorena asked.

"Of everything that happened, he was streaming it live to the precinct, untraceable or something but they watched everything as and when it happened and I watched the shortened version they're going to play in court." Olivia explained.

"Oh." Lorena sighed, she could see without asking that the tape had really affected Olivia.

"I didn't think it would get to me so much." Olivia sniffed as she tried not to cry again.

"What about it affected you so much?" Lorna asked.

"Just ... seeing him... when he raped me it was for me so hard I was fighting against him as much as I thought I could and then when he put me on the bed and he uh ... he uh started licking me ..." Olivia's voice shook violently as she spoke a mixture of fear and revulsion. "I was barely fighting, on the tape, I could see how easy it was for him because I wasn't fighting nearly has hard as I could have and should of." Olivia explained.

"Olivia, I'm sure you fought with everything you had." Lorena replied seeing that it was really affecting Olivia.

"I did, but, he pinned me down, he'd cuffed me. My hands were behind my back and my wrist was broken and I was ... God I just remember being in so much pain." Olivia gasped as the tears began to flow down her face. "He'd pinned me down, his arm was across my waist and his other was holding my thigh as he licked me. God I can't do this." She dropped her head in her hands as her body wracked with more sobs, it didn't get any easier the more she talked about it, if anything it seemed to make less and less sense every time.

Lorna could just watch as Olivia convulsed trying to stop the sobs that had taken over. It hurt her, more than it did with other victims because other victims didn't care about the need to be strong when they were there, they didn't feel the need to hide how they were affected or need an explanation to why they were affected, not in the way Olivia did and she wondered if she was really the right person to be helping her.

"Sorry." Olivia sniffed as she composed herself.

"It's ok." Lorna replied gently.

"After watching the tape... I couldn't stop crying ... for ages I just cried and Captain Cragen went to get Elliot and I just held him and he cried and I felt worse because I made him cry and it just killed me to see him so vulnerable. I couldn't walk and he carried me to the car and all I could do was cry." Olivia explained. "I'm fed up of crying." She added angrily. "I don't want to waste more tears on this."

"Olivia, crying is a form of release of many different emotions, sadness, guilt, anger, and right now you have a lot of different emotions running through your body so crying probably is the best thing you can do, let out all the frustration and everything else through the tears." Lorna explained.

"But I hate crying, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable."

"Two things you're not." Lorna replied and Olivia just nodded.

"Appearing weak and vulnerable and actually being weak and vulnerable are two completely different things Olivia."

"I know, but I don't even feel safe in my own home anymore, even though the locks have been changed and I won't let Elliot open the drapes because I'm so paranoid that someone is watching like Toby was." Olivia added.

"Normal behaviour after trauma Olivia, stop kicking yourself and blaming yourself for everything you need to understand that none of this is your fault because I know that you've been asking yourself could you have done something differently, could you have done something that would have changed what happened but it wasn't your fault in anyway." Lorna said firmly feeling a desperate need to help Olivia as much as she could.

"I know, I know it isn't my fault and I know I couldn't have done anything differently but it doesn't stop me wondering as much as I try not to." Olivia replied.

"It will get easier Olivia." Lorna sighed.

"I know." Olivia nodded. "I just wish it was sooner rather than later."

"When does the trial start?" Lorna asked.

"Day after tomorrow." Olivia replied.

"And how are you feeling about that?"

"Terrified." She gave a soft chuckle as she sighed. "I've sat in the witness box more times than I care to admit. I feel more scared now than I did the first time I sat in that box." Olivia explained further.

"Why?" Lorna asked already knowing the answer but knowing she needed Olivia to say it out loud.

"Talking about my experience is going to be much harder than talking about someone else's, I mean when I'm in that box talking about a Jane Doe's rape I can disassociate myself doesn't matter how close I get to the victim when I am in that box I am a cop but in this trial ... in this trial I'm ... I don't even want to say it!" she yelled the last bit angrily.

"You need to say it Olivia." Lorna replied.

"I don't want to Lorna, I'm not, I'm not a victim! I'm a cop and always will be a cop and I'm not ever going to start looking at myself as the victim not now and not ever because the day I do that is the day I walk out of the one six and don't look back." She explained firmly.

"Olivia, saying it now, for this case, is not saying that's what you are. You won't be giving yourself a permanent label. You'll always be a cop, that's for sure but now just for this you need to realise now you are the victim." Lorna replied almost desperately.

"But I'm not, I don't want to be, I can't." Olivia blinked back more tears because she wasn't going to become anything like the label everyone was sticking on her. "When I was in the precinct today, giving my statement, I ... I could feel that my co-workers were treating me differently, they were treating me with kid gloves like we do with victims and I hated it. Fin ... oh God Fin... I snapped at him because he explained the process they were going through and then he asked me a question and I snapped at him again and I feel so awful, I know he was just doing his job but I didn't want him to treat me like a victim and it drove me mad." Olivia sighed. "When I was in the hospital, they were all there, the whole time none of them ever left my side and they saw me at my worst, they saw me screaming after a nightmare and they saw me panicking they saw all of it and they're never going to be able to look at me without seeing that are they?" Olivia sighed. "I'm never going to be able to work with them again."

The tears twinkled in her eyes at the thought of not being able to go back to the one six to work.

"They will Olivia, when this trial is over and you get back together, they'll see past what they saw and see you. You may change a little from your experience you said it yesterday you'll be able to empathise with the victims more but that, that's just going to make you a better cop. They're not going to see you as the victim forever Olivia." Lorna explained.

"If they do... I'll never be able to go back." Olivia explained with fresh tears glistening in her eyes.

**Oh! Yes I've left it there people! Next chapter will be Olivia trying to go to work and be normalish... how do you think that will turn out people?**


	16. 16 Dealing

**A/N – I hope everyone is just busy because I've been uploading like mad and none of my faithful followers of this story have yet commented – well one has but I have five of you who have been pleading for MORE and none of you are around *sniffs* *wipes tear* I miss you guys! ;)**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Fifteen – Dealing

**Benson-Stabler residence**

April 5th 7.56 am

"Liv please go back to bed and rest." Elliot pleaded for what seemed to Olivia like the hundredth time that morning.

"No El, I want to go to work and behave like normal." Olivia sighed answering the same thing as she had been answering all day.

"Why Olivia? No one is expecting you back so soon." He replied.

"I don't care what other people want Elliot, and it isn't like I can do much with my arm in a cast anyway but I'm so fed up of mopping and collecting thoughts and it's only for today the trial starts tomorrow and I'm going to be in court so I am not going to be able to be normal, please let me come in today." Olivia pleaded back.

"Fine ok come on let's go." He sighed grabbing his car keys.

She grinned cheekily at him and he smiled back, he was so proud of her, he couldn't deny that because she was being so strong through all of this, even if going back to work was premature and really an escape that she needed from her own thoughts.

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**Manhattan SVU**

April 5th 8.39 am

When Olivia and Elliot arrived at the precinct she tried to behave like normal. She draped her coat on the back of the chair after Elliot pulled her sleeve, she hadn't quite figured out how to manage with one arm, and then she went over to the coffee pot. As she waited for the coffee she could feel eyes trailing on her but she tried to shrug them off and act like everything was perfectly alright. Even though, she was covered from head to toe in bruises and she was wearing a heck of a lot of make up to try and hide the deep scratches all over her face and neck, she still felt relatively normal because she was behaving like normal, and a part of her wondered what Lorna would have to say about this when she saw her later on in the afternoon.

"Elliot you're up first." Huang's voice carried to Olivia's ears.

She turned around and saw Elliot following Huang upstairs.

"Fin?" She called gaining the attention of the detective who looked as though he was day dreaming.

"Hey baby girl I didn't see you come in!" He smiled coming over to her as she poured them both a coffee.

"Why is Elliot seeing Huang?" She asked.

"Ahh we all have too." Fin shrugged.

"Why?" Olivia asked again.

"We all had to talk to him after your case and he determined that we all need to see him more. That includes me Munch, Elliot and Cragen." Fin replied taking his coffee and giving her a grateful smile.

"Oh." Olivia replied not sure what else to say.

"It's alright though, none of us mind I mean ... we all were affected by it and none of us are denying that." He explained gently.

"I'm not surprised that you all are affected by it Fin I mean, if it would have been one of you guys ..." Her voice broke off and she frowned angrily. "I mean, I'm just surprised that Elliot isn't kicking off and you ... you seem ok with having to see Huang too." Olivia explained.

"Baby Girl, none of us have a reason to argue about this, none of us are denying that what we watched didn't get to us we know it's affected us and a few sessions with Huang should help us deal with it and even he is seeing someone privately too."

"What the shrink is seeing a shrink?" Olivia laughed trying to make a joke out of something that actually made her want to cry.

"Yeah Liv, I mean, Huang's really struggling, I mean he's trying to help all of us and deal with this shit on his own too, I mean, makes sense that he needs someone to unload on." Fin replied.

"I'm sorry." Olivia mumbled as she blinked back her tears.

"Hey. None of us thinks this is your fault Olivia. That prick on the other hand, well, I hope someone shows him who's boss in Rickers." Fin said firmly.

"Yeah." Olivia replied her eyebrows rising as she thought about Toby.

"How are you anyway baby girl? I'm surprised your even here." He told her as he followed her to sit down.

He sat in the chair beside her desk and she relaxed back into her office chair.

"It's better than being stuck in the house Fin I mean, even though all this shit is going on and I'm trying not to look at the board and screens every five minutes sat in that apartment on my own was just making me go insane. I don't want to keep thinking about what happened you know I just want to get the trial back and get on with things." Olivia explained and Fin nodded understanding her.

"Cragen was talking with us yesterday about the trial, he was actually wondering if you were going to speak with the press at all?" Fin decided to mention what the Captain was scared to ask.

"I will, eventually, I mean I need to thank the public for all their gifts and their letters and cards, they have really made things easier on me but I think I'll wait till after sentencing or the trial at the least if he gets not guilty by mental disease or defect." Olivia sighed feeling so angry that they were using the insanity defence because she knew Toby McArthur was completely sane even if he did manage to make her wonder if he was insane while she was held captive.

_Meanwhile upstairs ..._

"How are you feeling today Elliot?" George Huang asked as soon as they were both seated.

"Frustrated." Elliot replied sighing and rubbing his face with his hand.

"Why are you frustrated?" Huang asked.

"Because Olivia's back today." Elliot explained.

"Ok, did you talk to her about coming back?" Huang continued.

"Of course I did, I wished she would go back to bed and I told her, you know, the trial starts tomorrow so she's going to be off anyway and all our other cases are being handled by uniform and rookies so all of us can focus on the trial but she kept saying she didn't want to sit in the apartment moping." Elliot explained.

"That's understandable." Huang replied.

"Is it?" Elliot asked as he couldn't understand Olivia's logic.

"If Olivia sit's at home alone she has time to think, question what happened, question herself when she's here she has people to talk to, reaffirm her if she asks a question out loud about what happened or completely forget for a while and just be herself and be a cop. She doesn't want to mope Elliot, that's normal behaviour for Olivia, she likes to pick up and move on and you telling me she wants to do that brings me some comfort knowing she's got some of her old self in there that's crawling out." Huang explained.

"Yeah, yeah you're right." Elliot nodded.

"Ok so what else has been on your mind since we talked yesterday?" Huang asked moving things along.

"I've been thinking about looking for somewhere else for me and Olivia to live." He said.

"Why?" Huang asked.

"She was kidnapped from her own bed George, she won't let me open the curtains and the only room she's comfortable in alone is the bathroom and that's only because there isn't a window, I changed the locks and placed a couple of extra safety bolts and chains on and she checks them at least five times before she's comfortable enough to get into bed." Elliot explained.

"So you think the solution is moving?" Huang asked.

"It's not a solution, I know that, but it might make it all a bit easier. I'm already looking for somewhere and I'm planning on getting alarms fitted so if I get called out and she's staying in bed then no one can get in without setting the alarm off. Plenty of warning for her to grab her gun then." He explained honestly.

"So you understand that moving isn't going to be a cure?" Huang asked just to double check.

"Of course I do but I do think it will help, I mean, we were planning on moving anyway why not do it now. Once the trial is over anyway, I think we need to get that out of the way first."

"And how have you been coping with knowing the trial is getting closer?" Huang continued.

"I don't know, I've been too busy trying to support Liv to even think about it." Elliot sighed.

"But you're thinking about it now." Huang replied seeing Elliot's mind working behind is eyes.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"So what are you thinking?"

"My biggest worry is that Liv won't be able to hold it together or I won't be able to hold it together, she said it herself, she needs me now more than she ever has and I'm scared I'll let her down." Elliot replied honestly, he'd never been so open with anyone but Olivia before now and it was the first time he'd ever felt so dependent on someone who wasn't Olivia.

"Elliot, don't worry about letting her down because you can't as long as you're there beside her to hold her hand. That's what she means by needing you. She needs to know you're there that's all, she isn't expecting you to do anything or say anything or even hold it together, but if you can't hold it together she wants you to be by her side when you break down so she can break down right there with her." Huang explained.

"I know, I mean, when she watched the tape, God I couldn't hold it in just seeing her so distraught and she held around me and I held around her and I think, I think, it's what we both needed." Elliot told him.

"Exactly, just keep doing what you're doing for her because it's working, she's downstairs not at home crying not moping." Huang smiled gently.

"Thanks Doc." Elliot gave him a weak smile.

"You're welcome Elliot, now why don't you go downstairs and send Fin up?" Huang said.

Olivia watched as Elliot came down the stairs, he nodded towards Fin who was still sat with her.

"Guess it's my turn." Fin sighed getting to his feet.

"Have fun." Olivia sighed feeling guilty again.

"Oh I'm planning on baby girl!" He winked making her laugh.

Elliot smiled as he heard her laugh, she hadn't laughed like that since it had happened and he couldn't help but grin at hearing the laugh that always lightened his life.

"You could have told me you all had to see Huang." Olivia told him as he took his seat at his desk opposite her.

"I could have but I didn't think it was important." Elliot shrugged.

"Of course it's important El, you guys are everything to me, you lot are my family and finding out Huang has to see a shrink? God, how do you think that makes me feel?" She asked him as tears twinkled in her eyes..

"This ..." He sighed getting out of his seat and going over to her. "This is why I didn't tell you Olivia, none of us blame you and I'm sure Fin told you all of that but you're upset now and you feel guilty when there is no need to." Elliot explained as he pulled her to standing, slowly pulling her into an embrace being weary of her pulling away which she did sometimes when she felt to closed in.

When she wrapped her arms around him and burrowed her face into his chest he relaxed into the embrace more.

"I feel guiltier because I thought you were hiding it from me because you were blaming me." Olivia whispered.

"Sorry baby, I didn't want to worry or upset you and that is why I didn't tell you." Elliot explained.

"I believe you." She whispered hiding her face as she cried softly.

He knew she was crying, but the only thing he could do was hold her because he didn't know what to say to make her feel better.

_Meanwhile upstairs ..._

"Hi Doc." Fin said as he sat down.

"Hi Fin, how are you feeling this morning?" Huang asked jumping straight in.

"Better now I've seen Olivia." He smiled gently.

"So seeing her come in today has helped you?" Huang continued.

"Yeah Man, you know just talking to her and stuff has really helped, I mean at first, when she called me over I was really scared of standing too close or making her feel uncomfortable but then I just ... I almost forgot what had happened because she's just Liv, she's just baby girl." He tried to explain but Huang gave a slight chuckle.

"What did you and Olivia talk about?" He asked hoping it would give him a better understanding.

"Well she called me over when you came down to get Elliot and I didn't lie to her, I told her we all had to see you to deal with what happened you know, she felt guilty that she couldn't hide from me but I told her it wasn't her fault and I told her we all needed to deal with this and I just tried to make it light for her, make it out like it's not a big deal." Fin shrugged.

"And is it a big deal?"

"No, not really, I mean what happened is obviously but the fact that we need help dealing with it, nah man, it doesn't bother me, I'm glad we were forced to see you because otherwise I'd have just struggled to cope on my own but having to deal with it properly puts into perspective how much this has all affected us individually." Fin explained and Huang was surprised at how honest Fin was being with him.

"Ok so yesterday, we talked about how you were feeling having to take Olivia's statement, how was it?" Huang asked.

"It was awful, I treated her like a vic and she freaked out. I mean, I get it, don't get me wrong I understand why she snapped at me but I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to treat her like a vic i just did and I couldn't help it and it made her angry." Fin explained.

"How did you act around her?"

"I was letting her lead, I was being careful of how close I was too her knowing not to get to close in case I panicked her and stuff." Fin shrugged.

"That's completely normal Fin, I know we've all been afraid of how she's going to react to us. We're all weary of our behaviour around her. How did it differ yesterday to this morning?"

"Yesterday, she was just the vic here to make a statement, I had to keep telling myself that because otherwise I think I'd have cried in front of her you know but then this morning she was Olivia, my co-worker, my sister. I was weary like you put it, at first, you know not wanting to stand to close and letting her dictate the moves and stuff but when I sat down with her and talk, she was just Liv and I mean it's hard to talk to her with the mess on her face and that, he really did a good job of making a mess of her but when I turned away for a moment and just listened to her she just sounded like baby girl man, I saw Olivia this morning but yesterday I saw a victim." Fin explained as detailed as he possibly could because he was hoping that Huang could make more sense of it than he could.

"I see, so yesterday you distanced yourself from her, told yourself that she was just a victim and not your sister and then this morning she was your sister despite what had happened you saw through all that to the person you already know and love." Huang explained in more understandable terms.

"Yeah man." Fin nodded.

"I'm with you, that's normal Fin, like you said yourself had you have taken that statement from Olivia like she's your sister, you'd have broken down so you had to distance yourself and put a barrier there and I think it's the best thing you could have done. Now be honest with me, have you taken time to cry?" Huang asked.

Fin looked at him, it was a look that meant he didn't need to answer but he nodded anyway.

"When I got home from here yesterday, I had to cry, otherwise I think I'd have killed someone. I needed to just almost like grieve you know, once I started though I couldn't stop for ages. It killed me because I was crying for Baby girl, I was crying for her and I never thought I'd do that, I never thought I'd need to do that." Fin explained his actions though there was no need.

"That's good Fin, I'm glad you've taken that time for yourself to come to terms with what happened. Now is there anything else you want to talk about?" Huang asked.

"Nah I think I'm good now, I mean just seeing her and talking to her has done me loads of good." Fin explained.

"Ok go and send John up." Huang explained scribbling some last minute notes into his notebook as Fin left.

Olivia was typing away at her computer when Fin came down the stairs, she naturally looked at him and she smiled gently. When he returned the smile she smiled wider knowing he was alright.

"I'm looking for a Detective Benson?" Someone called from the entrance to the bullpen.

Olivia spun her chair around and saw a delivery guy with a very large bouquet of flowers.

"That's me." Olivia said getting to her feet.

"Just sign." He said handing her a clipboard and pen.

Olivia scrawled her name and took the bouquet to her desk. It wasn't unusual to receive flowers at the moment, so many people had been sending them she'd lost track of how many were cluttering her and Elliot's apartment.

She sat at her desk and pulled out the card.

"Olivia, we're all so glad you're back. All our love, Fin, Munch, Elliot and Cragen." She read and then looked around the room.

"Guys?" She asked looking from Fin to Elliot but both of them looked confused.

Olivia smiled, she knew who had sent her the flowers and made her way over to go and say thank you.

_Meanwhile upstairs..._

John Munch sat down on the couch opposite George Huang. He had been by far the most uncooperative one of the lot and Huang knew that therapy wasn't something for Munch, he preferred to make jokes and deal with things in his own way but this case had gotten to him enough to agree to talk to Huang like everyone else.

"How are you this morning John?" Huang asked.

"Peachy." John replied.

"Ok." Huang replied knowing that he'd answer something along those lines anyway.

"How do you feel seeing Olivia back?" Huang asked as both Elliot and Fin had something to say about that.

"I haven't had the chance to talk to her yet, when she arrived I was with Cragen and then she was talking to Fin and then to Elliot so I've not had a chance to speak with her." He replied.

"Do you want to speak to her?" Huang asked sensing something deeper in John's answer.

"I do, but I don't know what to say to her." Munch shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Huang asked wanting to understand fully.

"I mean I really don't know what to say to her, Hey Liv How are you? I mean I know she's fed up of people asking her if she's ok and she's teary all the time and I don't want to be the one to make her cry, I like leaving that to Stabler." Munch shrugged.

"Fin didn't mention her crying when he talked to her." Huang said.

"Yeah cause Fin treated her like her not like a victim or someone he didn't know I can't ... I can't separate Olivia from the victim when she's covered in cuts and bruises and she looks so tired and drained and sad." John explained further.

"Why can't you see her? Have you even tried?"

"I don't know how to try. When we took her statement yesterday I was doing the writing and I could barely look at her. I'm not a person for showing how I feel and I'm worried Liv will hate me if I start now." He gave a soft chuckle. "She might be trying to show she hasn't changed but all of us have changed because of this."

"So you think you've changed?"

"Not changed, or not completely, but I won't say it hasn't affected me because it clearly has I mean I've spent the past few days wondering why on earth I still do this job." Munch sighed, this had really gotten to him.

"Why do you still do this job?" Huang asked.

"To get justice for people like Liv." He replied firmly.

"So that's why you're still here, this thing happening to Olivia has just reaffirmed why you do this job?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"Ok, so are you going to try and speak to Olivia?" Huang asked gently.

"Yes, I need to, I don't want her to think I'm pushing her away or let her push me away." John sighed again.

"Ok, well why don't you go and tell Cragen to come here and then go and talk to Olivia?" Huang suggested.

"Fine." Munch nodded and got up to leave.

As Munch was leaving Huang couldn't help wonder how he'd feel coming face to face with Olivia again, he knew he needed to do it soon because he knew the longer he hid upstairs avoiding her the harder it was going to be for him to go and see her.

John Munch knocked on the Captain's office door and when he entered he was surprise to see him smiling with Olivia.

"Huang wants you Cap." Munch said and she smiled at Olivia and was relieved to receive a smile back.

"I guess we'll talk later Liv." Cragen smiled.

"Of course and thanks again for the flowers Cap' I should really go put them in some water." Olivia smiled as she followed him out of the office.

She stopped and watched him go up the stairs and was surprised to see Munch was watching with her.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked him seeing his eyes follow Cragen until he was out of sight.

"Yeah, the question is are you ok?" Munch replied turning to her.

"I'm getting there." She replied honestly.

"Good, I'm glad." He smiled.

"John..." Her voice dipped into a near whisper so he had to bend closer to hear her. "Don't be afraid to talk to me... I won't bite you." She whispered and pulled away laughing.

He just grinned and realised he had nothing to worry about all along.

_Meanwhile upstairs..._

"George." Cragen nodded as he entered the room.

"Hi Don." Huang replied as the aging man took to the couch.

"Right where are we starting today?" Cragen asked wanting to get it over with.

"Well the topic of conversation for everyone is Liv's return, why don't we start there." Huang suggested.

"Ok." Cragen nodded.

"Ok so how do you feel seeing her back?" Huang asked.

"Well..." Cragen crossed his arms and let out a long breath as he wondered where to begin answering that question. "I'm glad to see her back but I wish she wasn't, I feel it's too soon, but she seems ok. I got her some flowers from me and the boys and she came in to thank me and she was smiling and she seemed ok and that made me feel better I suppose." Cragen replied.

"Ok only half of that told me how you felt, so you feel better seeing she's ok but you think it's too soon, why?" Huang asked.

"She's still healing, her arms in a cast and she still looks like she went twenty rounds with Mike Tyson." Cragen explained.

"So it isn't her mental state your worried about but her appearance?" Huang asked knowing Cragen was just looking for excuses.

"No, I'm scared that if she rushes this and she falls at the first hurdle that she won't bother getting up again." Cragen sighed.

"I'm with you now, so you're worrying that she's pushing herself to hard and to fast?"

"Exactly, I mean, this only happened four days ago and the trial hasn't been yet. I'm scared she is pushing herself to hard and that it's going to make her worse off in the long run." Cragen sighed.

"When she came to talk to you, what did you talk about?" Huang asked.

"We talked about her being back, she said she knew she was on the desk for the day and admitted she was only here because she didn't want to be stuck at home and she would stay off for the duration of the trial and see how she felt afterwards." Cragen explained.

"That didn't curb your fears?" Huang asked.

"Not really. She's Olivia, I know her as the person who puts up a front and hide's how she's really feeling to make everyone else feel better." Cragen sighed.

"That's a good point but she said two things that you need to understand that shows she wasn't hiding anything from you, the first being that she was here just because she didn't want to be at home, it's her honestly saying she feels safer here than at home alone she doesn't actually need to say that completely for it to be obvious and secondly she said she'd see how she feels after the trial which means if she isn't ready to come back afterwards she won't come." Huang explained.

"What happens if she is never ready though? That's what I'm afraid of." Cragen replied honestly.

"Do you think there's a chance of that?" Huang asked.

"I don't know it's why I'm asking you, is there a chance that she won't recover fully and decide she can't do this job anymore?"

"There's a possibility yes but, the fact that she's here today tells me she wants to come back properly. If she didn't then she'd have asked Elliot to call in sick instead of come here." Huang replied.

"Ok." Cragen nodded accepting it as a reasonable answer for now.

"Yesterday, you watched the video with her am I right?" Huang moved on.

"Yes." Cragen replied.

"Ok, what was that like Don?"

"Honestly, I wanted to break the damn disk so she couldn't watch it. She would have killed me had I done that though. I did what I could for her though, I gave her my hand for her to hold and I managed not to cry in front of her."

"Do you think that helped?" Huang asked understanding how tough it must have been for the aging man.

"I hope it helped, she squeezed my hand when she needed to, so, I guess it helped and when it switched to night vision I paused it and asked her again if she was sure she wanted to watch it and she made me press play and I did. As much as I wanted to stop it I didn't, I let it play, listened to her cries of 'Oh my God' and sobs and when it was over I did the only thing I could and got Elliot to her as quick as possible." Cragen explained.

"Ok, how did you feel watching the video with her?"

"It broke my heart, that girl is ... you know she's like a daughter to me you have it in your notes that I said "that's my little girl" when we were watching the tape and that's exactly what she is, she means the world to me and it killed me having to sit there and all I could do for her was hold her bloody hand, I swear I've never been so hurt and so angry in all my life George, I want to kill the bastard for what he did to her and I've done nothing but want to hit the bottle since this all went down but I won't because I know it would hurt Olivia even more if I did that and it's the only thing that's stopping me from drowning my sorrows." Cragen replied honestly, tensing his whole body up and almost spitting with fury.

"So thinking of Olivia is what's stopped you from drinking?"

"Yes, she watched drink kill her mother, I know the worst thing that I could do to her would be to have a drink, I think it would be what would finish her off." Cragen sighed.

"I'm glad you have something so prominent to stop you hitting the bottle Don, I really am, I'm sure Olivia would be very proud of you if she knew." George smiled gently.

"I know. I'll tell her too when all of this is over." Cragen replied. "First though, I need to be strong and help her get through this. Tomorrow, she's going to need every single one of her on her side because the defence is going to rip everything she says and everything that happened to her to shreds and the only thing I am focused on is making sure she can get through that." Cragen explained.

"I'm glad to hear it Don. Now is there anything else you want to talk about?" Huang asked.

"No, I think that's it. Now tell me, how are my detectives holding up?" Cragen asked.

"Well they're all dealing with it in their own way Don. Everyone's biggest concern is Olivia but everyone seems to have taken time to themselves to think things through. Elliot just wants to be near her all the time and he's frustrated that there's nothing he can do to stop her checking the locks five times before getting into bed. Fin is annoyed with himself that he had to separate Olivia from the Victim and had to distance himself when he took her statement but has talked to her this morning and is glad that she's still her inside and the John, well he's John, he didn't know what to say to Olivia but he felt better about going to speak to her after he'd spoken to me. They're all strong, they know where they're struggling and they're all being open about it. I mean, I've never seen them all so open but I think they know they need to be open with me in order to help Olivia." Huang explained.

"So I don't need to take their guns and send them home?" Cragen asked.

"No Don, just keep an eye on them, I'll talk to them after court tomorrow and see how they're holding up." Huang replied.

"Now before I go, how are you holding up?" Cragen asked a genuine look of concern on his face.

"I'm alright, I'm going to say hi to Liv and then I'm popping to see Hendrix, even I need a shrink on this." Huang sighed.

"I'm glad that you're taking some time to take care of yourself." Cragen replied getting to his feet.

"I wouldn't be doing any of you lot any good if I wasn't." Huang smiled following Cragen to the door.

They both went downstairs, Cragen towards his office, Huang towards Olivia's desk where she was staring blankly into space blowing on a mug of steaming coffee.

Huang slipped into the chair beside the desk but Olivia's mind was too far away to even notice.

"Olivia?" He called and she blinked before turning to him.

"Sorry, I was miles away." She smiled weakly.

"I could see, what were you thinking about?" He asked, unable to shift from shrink to friend as easily as he hoped.

"I think that's maybe one for my shrink don't you?" Olivia asked smiling at him.

He nodded and sighed.

"I was trying to ask as a friend Liv." He told her.

"Oh, then I was thinking about tomorrow, wondering how different it's going to be in opening arguments hearing my name over and over again instead of some poor woman I've been helping out." Olivia sighed.

"Are you worried or scared?" Huang asked.

"I'm both." Olivia replied honestly. "I don't even know how I'm going to feel tomorrow, that's what's scaring me the most George, I mean, I know so many people are going to be in there to support me and that and they've banned the press which is even better but I just don't know how I'm going to react to it all and I'm terrified that I'll crumble." Olivia explained forgetting completely that even though he was talking to her as a friend, he was still a shrink and his brain worked like a shrink without him needing to try.

"Olivia, it's ok to be scared, and I'm not going to shrink you just tomorrow, if you need me, I'm there ok? And not just me, Elliot, Fin, Munch and Cragen too, we all just want to be there for you Liv." He smiled getting to his feet. "Now I have somewhere to be but I'll talk to you soon." He smiled.

"Thanks George, see you tomorrow." Olivia smiled and she turned her chair and watched as he walked away.

She knew he was hurting, he hadn't even tried to give her any advice about the trial, he'd just told her if she needed him her would be there for her and she wished she could run after him and tell him genuinely how that made her feel.

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**Doctor Hendrix office**

April 5th 11.56 am

"Hey George, come and sit down." Hendrix smiled opening the door wide enough for George to enter.

He made his way over to the couch he'd sat at a mere twenty four hours before.

"So how are you feeling today?" Rebecca Hendrix asked going straight in.

Huang smiled softly, he couldn't help but find it uncomfortable being shrunk when he was usually the one doing the shrinking. She knew that, so she didn't need to question the smile just wait patiently for an answer.

"It's been a strange morning." Huang shrugged.

"That doesn't tell me how you feel." Rebecca smiled.

"It wasn't supposed to." George smirked.

"Can we move this along?" She asked pretending to be impatient the one thing George knew she definitely wasn't.

"Ok, I feel conflicted." He replied.

"Why?" Rebecca asked feeling the need to be more firm with Huang than any of her other patients.

"Olivia came back to work this morning." He explained.

"Oh." Rebecca said a genuine look of surprise on her face as she sat up straighter to pay more attention.

"And everyone in the squad had different views and I realised I was hiding away from her." Huang explained further.

"Ok, why were you hiding?"

"I just didn't know what to say to her Rebecca I mean, she's my friend but I probably know more about her than a lot of people do including Elliot, she's the strongest woman I have ever known and I hate seeing her so broken." George replied.

"What do you mean?" Rebecca asked knowing if she asked the right questions George Huang could figure all of it out on his own.

"I mean, I saw her at the hospital, when I talked to her there she was so ... not Olivia ... I mean it was her but it didn't feel like I was talking to her, it felt like someone else had taken over her body or something. It's the strangest thing I've ever dealt with personally, I mean, this time I was too close to the Vic." Huang sighed.

"That's understandable but you're not treating her this time are you?"

"No, she's seeing a friend of mine and I've behaved too, I haven't been asking how she is or what she's been saying partly because I don't want to know." Huang explained further.

"Why don't you want to know George?"

"I'm worried I'll view her differently knowing her deepest darkest thoughts about what happened to her Rebecca, she's a friend and colleague not a victim, I can't, I don't want to see her as the Vic."

"That makes sense George, I'm glad you're not treating her I'll be honest, she's one of a kind is Olivia and I can't begin to imagine what she and all of you at the one six are trying to cope with right now. I need to know how you're coping with everything, have you spoken with Olivia?" Hendrix asked knowing she had to be the shrink here.

"Yeah, I did briefly before coming here just said hi really. I sat down beside her and her mind was somewhere else, I bought her back and asked her what she was thinking about you know and it's quite funny actually she said that was something for her to tell her shrink and not me." Huang gave a soft chuckle. "So I told her I was asking like a friend, which I was, when she answered me, she told me she was worried about the trial and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and yet me and Olivia don't have that kind of relationship, I mean, we have hugged but not in that way. She's terrified about the trial, that's what she told me and I could have dug deeper and really helped her but I just told her ... I just told her if she needed me at all, I was there. Said we all were there if she needed us and that we'd all support her and help get her through it." Huang sighed softly. "I could have made things seem easier by being a shrink but instead I just told her I was there if she needed me."

"George, she's probably feeling more grateful than you know, she needs her friends around her now more than ever, none of us can begin to imagine the trauma that she's gone through, going through even. Knowing you're there for her if she needs you probably gives her that little bit of extra hope that she can get through this." Rebecca explained.

"Yeah you're right." George smiled gently. "I think I'm more surprised at myself for being able to pull myself from being a shrink to being just a friend."

"Good, it's good that you can George, now what else is on your mind?"

"I don't even know where to begin Rebecca, I mean, I've worked with SVU for so long now and this is the first time I've seen them all so defeated, they're all opening to me more than they ever have before and it genuinely scares me. I know their deepest fears, their biggest secret but that is nothing compared to what they're all going through. Fin is kicking himself for treating Olivia like a victim when he took her statement but then he feels better after talking to her and being able to talk to her properly. Munch didn't know what to say to her so said nothing to her and then Elliot's just worried sick about her and is trying to be strong for her and then Cragen, well I've never been so worried about him before." George sighed.

"What's up with Cragen?" Rebecca asked.

"That's his little girl Rebecca, he's hurting just seeing her hurt, he told me that the only reason he hasn't had a drink is because he knows it would hurt Olivia more if he did. He's really hurting and is desperate to take away Olivia's pain and knowing he can't is making him feel so helpless. There's nothing I can do about it and that's what worries me the most." Huang explained further.

"You need to stop worrying about them and worry about yourself George, if you're really struggling why don't you get someone else in to talk to them so you can take care of yourself?" Hendrix suggested.

"I think the only thing worse than dealing with them would be not dealing with them, at least this way I know what's going on with them and I can try and help them in every way I can."

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**So just to give you a little look at what everyone else is dealing with while Olivia deals with all of it. Hope you don't mind. Next up opening arguments in court!**


	17. 17 Arguing

**A/N – Starting to wonder if you guys think I'm dragging this out too long. Please tell me!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Seventeen – Arguing

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 6th 8.59 am

Olivia stood outside the court room holding Elliot's hand in her own. She took deep nervous breaths as she tried to steady herself before going inside.

"Liv? You don't have to do this you know, we can come back tomorrow give our testimony and then go." Elliot told her knowing she was screaming inside.

"No. No El, I need to be there through this. Come on let's go in." Olivia took one last shaky breath and they entered the court room.

Olivia walked straight to the front, seats had been kept for the SVU detectives as everyday for the duration of this trial it was going to be full with officers coming to show their support to Olivia. She almost gasped when she saw the Police Chief sat beside Cragen.

"What's he doing here?" She whispered to Elliot as they slowly made their way to their seats.

"Being supportive I guess, I mean, he's your superior officer Liv." Elliot whispered back.

"I guess." She replied just as they arrived at the bench.

The Police Chief and Cragen stood up. He extended his hand to Olivia and she went to shake it but gave a nervous laugh when she remembered she had a plaster cast on her hand. He tactfully changed hands and she let go of Elliot's to shake her boss' hand.

"I hope you don't mind my being here Detective Benson, I just wanted to show you that everyone at the NYPD is right behind you as justice is done." He told her.

"Thank you Sir I appreciate it." She lied through her teeth, the last person she wanted there was the big boss especially if she was going to become a crumbling wreck.

"Olivia." Cragen smiled and Olivia tactfully leaned in and gave him a gentle hug, him weary of squeezing to tight and pulling her too close. She smiled at Munch, Fin and Huang before sitting down between Cragen and Elliot gripping Elliot's hand in her own.

"The Honourable Judge Elizabeth Donnelly presiding."

The whole room came to life as everyone stood up as Judge Donnelly made her way to her seat. Once Donnelly was sat down everyone else followed suit. Olivia moved as close to Elliot as she could and he slipped his arm around her and held her hand with his other.

"I'm here." He whispered into her ear.

"Docket ending six zero five zero the people of New York versus Doctor Toby McArthur. Court is now in session."

Olivia gave Elliot's hand a gentle squeeze as Casey stood up to begin opening arguments.

"On the first of April this year, the defendant, Toby McArthur broke into Detective Olivia Benson's home and at gun point demanded that she leave with him. When she tried to escape that man, the defendant, knocked her out with Chloroform and took her with him. He tactfully left her fiancé Detective Elliot Stabler a note, telling the Detective that he had Detective Benson. He handcuffed her with her own handcuffs and gagged her before placing her in a room in a behavioural lab. He set up a camera and sent an untraceable live feed to the Special Victims Squad room as well as sent Detective Stabler the engagement ring he had give to Detective Benson on a human finger disguised to look like the finger of Detective Benson. He then brainwashed, repeatedly beat and raped Detective Olivia Benson until she was later rescued. The defence is going to try and prove that that man, the defendant Toby McArthur is insane and that he should be sent to a psychiatric treatment facility instead of prison. We, the people are going to prove that Toby McArthur isn't ill, he isn't mentally unwell just sick and twisted." Casey sat down and Olivia stifled a sob, she was determined not to cry but hearing Casey's words and seeing her actions hurt Olivia because she could tell it was hurting her too.

Trevor Langan got to his feet and Olivia shifted uncomfortable in her seat, she was terrified at seeing what stunts the jury would pull.

"Toby McArthur doesn't deny what he did to Detective Olivia Benson, he understands that what he did is unacceptable but he also understands that he needs psychiatric help. He will tell you himself, that when he took Detective Olivia Benson from her bedroom and placed her in that room that he was just conducting an experiment, we will present expert testimony showing that prolonged investigation into such experiments as the one Toby McArthur was investigating for nearly three years can cause delusions that would lead a man to commit such heinous crimes as these."

Langan sat back down and Alex jumped to her feet, it was her turn to argue now.

"They may have experts who can say a man could have delusions, but they have no expert testimony that says Toby McArthur was actually having these delusions, however, we have an expert who will sit in the witness box and tell you Toby McArthur was completely sane when he took Olivia Benson at gun point, when he expertly tried to brainwash her into thinking that he was caring for her, when he beat her until every inch of her skin was purple and blue and when he sexually assaulted and raped her. We will prove that that man Toby McArthur is as sane as you or I and he knew exactly what he was doing." Alex was almost spitting with fury as she spoke and when she sat down Olivia had to bury her face into Elliot's shoulder to hide the flow of tears coming down her cheek.

Elliot could only hold her close as she sobbed, his heart was breaking for her but he couldn't do anything about it. Cragen could see her body shaking and he knew she was crying even though her face was hidden. He gently placed his hand on her arm right above her cast and gently rubbed just to show he was there.

"The people argue that they have an expert who will testify that my client was completely sane, but what happens when that expert's professionalism is called into question? Not only is the expert in question a co-worker of Detective Olivia Benson, he is also a friend to her and we will prove that his expert testimony is as biased as they come." Langan was almost dancing as he spoke and Olivia just shuddered having momentarily managed to curb the tears.

Casey almost dove to her feet the anger evident on her face.

"The defence are playing games, we could have hundreds of psychiatrists evaluate Doctor Toby McArthur and they would all say the same thing we the people just don't want to waste your time as well as ours, while the defence throw dirty tricks remember why we are all here. To get justice for Olivia Benson, she's the person who had to endure his torture and she's the person who will sit in the witness box and tell you herself that Toby McArthur is sane, he knew exactly what he needed to do to brainwash her and that he knew exactly what he was doing when he broke into her home, kidnapped her at gun point, handcuffed her with her own cuffs and left her fiancé a sick note, let's not pretend that this is nice because it isn't. We the people are going to show you video footage of what Olivia Benson had to endure for twenty hours at the hand of her captor. We have a team of detectives and a psychiatrist who kept vigil at the TV watching her endure endless hours of brainwashing and beating till she was raped. She will tell you how she slowly came to trust him because of the way he treated her and how she thought it was safe for her to go to sleep only to be woken by him the defendant climbing onto her bed and putting a hand on her mouth warning her not to scream. We have pictures of every bruise and cut he gave her and we have doctors that will tell you the full extent of her physical trauma as well as two psychiatrists who will tell you the extent of her emotional and mental trauma. The defence can paint it how they want, but we will prove that the only place Toby McArthur should be is in a cage, in a cell, in a prison and not a psychiatric hospital." Casey was stern, angry and almost violent as she spoke and the jury could see that she was determined to prove this to them.

Olivia had buried her head back into Elliot as everyone in the room had been staring at her every time Casey pointed at her, she'd tried to stay facing forward, knowing that they needed to see her face to connect with her but it was too hard.

"I'm liking the people's terms." Langan was laughing and it sickened Olivia. "We the defence aren't playing games, we're not painting this in any way and we aren't denying the trauma Olivia Benson endured. None of us can begin to imagine how hard it is for her, how tough it must be for her to deal with but the man responsible wasn't sane when he did this, when you see the footage the People have prepared don't hold your breath because we have footage too, the whole footage, every minute of the twenty hours Olivia Benson was held captive and we have cut out the bits that the people are going to show you. We're going to show you the bits they've removed because it weakens their case. We'll show you how Toby McArthur, my client was in between the beatings and the subsequent rape of Detective Benson, we'll show you the true nature of my client, the man behind the monster he became because he was so determined to prove a theory that he became delusional."

Langan sat back down and Alex rose again.

"The footage the defence claims is the man behind the monster won't weaken the people's case, we removed it because to us it is irrelevant, there isn't a charge of brainwashing." Alex smirked. "We have two psychiatrists who will sit in the box, both of whom have studied the twenty hour of tape, one while it was happening live, the other afterwards taking their time to check and recheck it. They will tell you that the man is the monster, the man you will see on the defence's tape is the man doing the brainwashing, the man trying to gain the trust of the Victim but he is still the man that beat and raped her and left her fearing every living creature, fearing her most loved friends and most of all emotionally and physically scarred for life." Alex was softer than Casey had been but Alex had always been able to put on a calm front when inside she was a raging storm.

"The defence rests your Honour." Langan said deciding the arguing was done.

"The people rest your Honour." Casey nodded knowing that now they would prove everything they had said they would in their arguments.

"We'll take a fifteen minute recess. I believe we will then begin with the peoples first evidence?" Donnelly asked.

"Yes your honour." Casey replied.

"Ok. Bailiff remind the Jury that they are not to discuss the trial with anyone." Judge Donnelly banged the gavel and everyone stood as she left her seat.

As the courtroom broke out in noise Olivia turned to Elliot and held him tight as she broke out in wracked sobs.

"Oh my God." She whimpered.

"I know baby I've got you." He whispered as he caressed her back trying to calm her down.

"I can't do this Elliot." She told him. "I really can't get in that box, please don't make me." She pleaded desperately.

"Liv you have too, we'll send him down for a very long time baby." He said and as he stepped away to look at her he finally saw how much all of this was taking its toll on her, she'd lost weight in the past five days, her skin was pale and her eyes looked deep and older.

"Please El. Tell Alex and Casey I can't do this." She begged.

"Liv I can't you know that baby, you know how this works." Elliot explained his heart shattering in his chest as Cragen stepped towards them.

"Come on Olivia, I know you can do this and we'll all be right here for you." He told her signalling the men behind him.

"I know but ..." She took a deep breath unable to tell them how frightened she really was.

"Detective Benson..." The Chief of Police stepped forward and she tried to wipe her tears quickly not wanting him to her in such a state. "...I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you. If you would like, I will have the court room cleared of all officers if that would make it easier. It would nearly empty the court room so there would be less of an audience, I'm sure they'd all comply if they like having their shields."

"I don't know." Olivia shrugged.

"You have to get up there Olivia and tell your story. Do it for every man, woman and child you've sat here for and supported, think of all those letters you go in support." The Chief said softly and Olivia was stunned, she didn't know the soft side of her superior.

"Ok." She nodded wiping her cheeks again. "Ok I'll do it but please be here El." She said turning to him.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." He said firmly pulling her into his arms and kissing her head.

"I'll still clear the court room Benson, make it a little easier on you." The Chief smiled gently.

"Thank you Sir, I'd really appreciate that." She mumbled not pulling away from Elliot.

She watched as the burly man walked away going to tell all the NYPD officers to leave the court when she testified. It did make it seem a little easier for her knowing that there would be a near empty court room when she testified.

"Hey Liv how are you?" Casey asked as she and Alex came over.

"I'm fine." Olivia hiccupped and Casey gave her a reassuring smile.

"We'll make it as painless as we can for you on the other hand but fair warning, Langan is on a rampage." Alex sighed.

"He can go on a rampage all he wants he's going to be sorry he's cross examining me." Olivia replied making everyone chuckle.

"That's my Liv." Elliot smiled feeling like he was getting a small piece of the old Olivia shinning through.

"Well we better take out seats before Donnelly gets back. Keep your chin up Olivia." Casey smiled and she and Alex went back to the peoples table.

"Ready?" Elliot asked.

"As I'll ever be." Olivia sighed as she and Elliot retook their seats, the Chief of Police rejoining them much to Olivia's annoyance.

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**So just to give you a little look at what everyone else is dealing with while Olivia deals with all of it. Hope you don't mind. Next up opening arguments in court!**


	18. 18 Reviewing

**A/N – Forgot to change the authors note at the end of chapter 17 ... oops!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Eighteen –Reviewing

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 6th 11.32 am

Once Elizabeth Donnelly was back in her seat Olivia started to tremble nervously. She watched as Alex stepped up a remote control in her hand. Three TV's were in place, one facing judge Donnelly, one facing the jury and the other facing the crowd. The NYPD officers were still there for now, they would leave when Olivia was called to testify as promised by the Chief of Police.

"Peoples one, What you are about to see is disturbing, horrifying, something you wouldn't imagine seeing in your scariest nightmares however this is something you have to watch, we ask you to try not to look away or close your eyes as you witness brutal attacks that Detective Olivia Benson had to endure, after this video we will hear from the woman herself." Alex explained before knocking the play button on the remote control and retaking her seat beside Casey.

As the TV's came to life Olivia squeezed Elliot's hand. She extended her cast hand to Cragen and he slipped his hand around her bare fingers and gave them a very gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"Come here, I'll take those cuffs off you." Toby's voice echoed around the courtroom and Olivia swallowed hard.

Once again she watched as her shaking body knelt down in front of Toby and once the cuffs were removed she elbowed him in the chest. She let out a loud sob without even trying as she watched Toby's body fly into hers, crushing her into the door.

"Don't try and run from me Olivia, that door has an automatic lock. I have the key, works a bit like a car you know. Now come and eat." His voice made her quiver and she watched him pull her causing her to crash to the floor. Then she watched her sobbing figure being pulled into his arms.

"I can't do this." She whispered.

"I've got you." Elliot whispered back as she sniffed back more tears the scene in front of them changing.

Olivia's body shook violently as the tape went on, she was convulsing from hiding her sobs and she could see the jury members' eyes flickering from the tape to her and back again.

When his fist connected with her face there was gasps around the court room as her lifeless body feel to the ground. She started shaking more violently, her sobs increasing in strength as the footage moved on.

The next scene, of her crashing to the floor from the bathroom followed by a close up of all her injuries and Olivia looked at the jury and saw their horrified faces and this just made her cry harder.

"I've got you Liv." Elliot whispered blinking back his own tears. "I swear I've got you."

As the tape moved on to the hardest beating she held her breath knowing they were getting ever closer to the worst footage of all.

"Please, tell them to put it off Elliot, they don't need to see this." She pleaded in a whisper, desperate to make it end.

"Look away baby." He replied but it didn't make a difference because she couldn't close her ears.

"Don't bother wasting your energy screaming Olivia." Toby's voice rung across the courtroom.

"I'm gonna be sick." She whimpered and Cragen wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave them a light squeeze.

"We've got you Liv." He whispered.

"That...That was a big mistake!" Toby's roars echoed across the room followed by Olivia's yells of desperation.

Olivia looked over at the jury and saw that a couple were crying others were open mouth none of the sure what to do but watch.

"Please! Get off me!" Olivia's terror was evident to everyone. "Don't Toby, Please don't do this!" He yells filled the room as on the screen the fight continued.

The scream from the moment he broke her wrist sent shivers down everyone's spine and Olivia saw Trevor Langan turn away unable to watch what was happening any more.

Alex and Casey were in floods of tears as was every member of the jury, and every member in the courtroom and Judge Donnelly herself was wiping away her tears the only one who didn't look bothered was Toby McArthur.

His hand was evidently up her dress on the screen now.

"Wow Olivia." His voice filled the room making everyone squirm uncomfortably.

"Get off me!"

"Mmmh."

The more the tape went on the harder it became for everyone to watch. The jury members were forcing themselves to watch some of them heaving with every movement.

Her yells from the tape told everyone what he was doing beneath her dress and everyone was sickened. As she kicked him and his nails tore her insides Olivia saw one Jury member almost vomit and Casey and Alex had both turned away holding each other for support as they cried silently.

"You will enjoy this Olivia if it's the last thing I ever do!" Toby's voice echoed once more.

"Please don't!" Olivia's called back the fear, the terror, so evident to anyone listening that they didn't need to watch to know what was going on.

She swallowed hard as she watched him unzip his pants and seeing is hard penis she retched and Elliot grabbed her as she bent over, she hadn't eaten or drank anything that morning so there was nothing to throw up but the drive heaving pained her as her screams filled the courtroom once more.

"Get off me! Please don't do this! Stop please God Toby please stop!"

"Just enjoy it Olivia, I know I am."

"Tell them to stop!" Olivia begged loud enough for everyone in the courtroom to hear.

Judge Donnelly was too busy wiping her own tears to call for silence from Olivia's outburst.

"Shh Liv it's nearly over." Elliot whispered.

"No El please make it stop." She begged.

"Come on Liv, we're nearly there." Cragen whispered.

"OLLIIIIIVVVVVIIIIIAAAAA!" The voice of Toby McArthur yelled out in ecstasy from the footage and the Olivia in the court room screamed a sobs took over her body and Elliot and Cragen had to hold her up to stop her collapsing to the ground.

"Come on Liv I've got you." Elliot whispered.

Olivia kept her eyes on the screen as she shook and sobbed, she wanted to prove she could watch it to the end even if her mind was betraying her by reliving the physical pain.

As she watched him drop her onto the bed she heaved again.

"Blood? Sorry." His laugh made everyone gasp again and Olivia couldn't keep herself upright and would have collapsed had Cragen and Elliot not been holding around her.

Everyone felt sickened as they watched Toby McArthur sexually assault Olivia orally.

"NYPD STEP AWAY FROM THE GIRL!" Fin's voice echoed and Olivia watched her naked body fly to the corner of the room before the tape switched off.

The whole courtroom was still apart from Olivia who's hysterical sobs could be heard by everyone.

"Get me out of here." She managed to gasp.

Elliot looked at Cragen and he nodded and together they managed to lift Olivia to her shaking legs and support her as they pulled her out of the court room and into the corridor. The second the doors swung shut her legs buckled and she collapsed into Elliot sobbing hysterically.

Meanwhile in the courtroom everyone was still completely silent in complete shock of what they had seen. The Police Chief was frozen in the spot, Judge Donnelly was frantically wiping away her tears Alex and Casey were frantically trying to pull themselves together, Munch, Fin and Huang were shaking with unshed tears, Trevor Langan was frozen his face visibly repulsed, the jury were all in tears. Toby McGuire on the other hand looked pretty pleased with himself, he was enjoying the reaction to the footage.

It took several minutes before anyone could do or say anything.

"I think we'll break here for lunch we'll return here at two pm." Donnelly managed to say her voice weak and fragile.

She banged her gavel and almost dove from her seat. No one else could quite move yet and so the place stayed still.

Olivia was outside still in floods of hysterical sobs.

"I told ... I told you ... I told ... I told you I couldn't do it!" She cried desperately.

"I know baby, I know, I'm so sorry, I should have bought you out sooner, I'm so sorry." Elliot cried.

Captain Cragen just cried. His forehead was pressed against the wall of the courtroom as he hid his sobs from his two detectives, this was worse than he could have ever imagined and he was glad Olivia had seen the tape before hand, had she not, this could have turned out far worse.

"Captain Cragen?" A bailiff asked and he looked up from the wall. "Court has broken for lunch until two pm however Judge Donnelly would like to see Detective Benson in her chambers with a warning that both the people and the defence will be present."

"Right, thank you." Cragen nodded weakly, his age showing through his pain.

He slowly walked over to Olivia and Elliot both of them still sobbing but not quite as hysterical now.

"Olivia, Donnelly wants to see you in Chambers, Langan, Alex and Casey will be there too." He explained to her softly.

She nodded and pulled away from Elliot to wipe her tear stained cheeks.

"Let's go then." She whispered trying desperately to pull herself together.

The three of them walked together to Judge Donnelly's chambers. Olivia held tight to Elliot's hand and Cragen held Olivia's fingers on her broken hand given them gentle squeezes as they went. She took a big gulp as she arrived outside the door and with one last look at both men she knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Judge Donnelly's voice echoed through and with one big gasp of air Olivia pushed it open.

"Detective Benson, come in and take a seat." She smiled gently motioning to the empty seat between Casey and Alex.

She rushed to the seat wanting to get whatever this was over and done with.

"How are you Olivia?" Donnelly asked not caring about Langan.

"I'm fine." She lied shakily.

Donnelly just nodded, she knew Olivia was lying through her teeth but she also knew not to press her further.

"I left the court after watching the tape ... and I was wondering if you'd like to postpone your testimony to the end? We'd all understand if you wanted to wait Olivia, none of us and that is the defence included, have any objections. We can all see how emotionally draining this is for you." Donnelly spoke softly and Olivia wanted to be angry that she was being treated like victim but she couldn't, she actually appreciated it.

"No." Olivia replied weakly and she shook her head and gave a gentle cough. "No." She said stronger. "I don't want you to change things and confuse yourselves and me. I'll talk to Huang or Lorna I know she's around somewhere, I'll be fine, I can do this." She said her voice was firm.

"Ok if that's what you want." Donnelly gave her a reassuring smile.

"I just want to get this over with Judge." She replied returning the smile weakly.

"Ok well of you all go, get something to eat and I'll see you all at two." Donnelly said getting to her feet.

Everyone stood up as Judge Donnelly disappeared through a side door. As Olivia went to head for the door she felt a hand on her shoulder and she jumped before pulling away sharply.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." Langan apologised quickly, his face showing how shocked he was.

"Sorry, I'm just jumpy." She said trying and failing to brush it off.

"Listen Olivia, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, I don't pick the client I just go where the money is." He explained.

"Sometimes all the money in the world shouldn't pay to help a man like that." Olivia replied her voice cracking into a whisper.

"I know. I promise I won't rip you apart on the witness stand, I'll be as gentle as I can." He told her softly.

"Just be the scumbag lawyer you are Langan, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." She told him angrily.

"Please Olivia, I really am sorry." He whispered.

"Do what you want Langan." She spat before heading out the door, she didn't want to talk to him anymore.

"What did Langan want?" Casey asked as she and Alex had left without realising Olivia and Trevor wasn't right behind them.

"He apologised that he was defending Toby and said he'd go easy on me on the stand." Olivia told them.

"Wow, I think that tape hit Langan hard." Alex gasped.

"I told him just to be the scumbag that he is, I've been through worse." She shrugged trying not to make a big deal out of it.

Everyone looked around nervously at each other, none of them sure what to say.

"Where's Huang?" Olivia asked turning to Cragen.

"He's apparently been called to talk to the Jury." Cragen explained.

"Oh." Olivia quipped unsure what to make of that. "The jury needs a shrink?"

"Apparently, Huang was called in and he's being watched by two bailiffs to make sure he doesn't hint towards a guilty verdict for you." Cragen explained.

Olivia gave a soft chuckle, Huang would never do something like that even if he wanted to. He was far to professional.

"Ok well I'm going to call Lorna. I need some space. I'll call you when I'm done." Olivia said before marching off her long black coat whipping like a cape behind her, the kitten heels she was wearing clipping away on the wooden floor.

"This is killing me." Elliot said as he watched Olivia's figure disappear around the corner.

"She's tough Elliot, she'll get through it." Cragen said giving Elliot's shoulder a squeeze, he was reassuring both of them.

"God I hope so." Elliot whispered.

Olivia turned the corner and knowing she was out of site she let the tears fall again as she searched her phonebook for Lorna's number. Once she found it she didn't hesitate in pressing the call button.

"Olivia?" Lorna's voice answered having checked the caller ID.

All Olivia could do was let out a whimper as words failed her.

"Olivia, I'm in the Mario's bistro around the corner from the court. Come here." Lorna said and Olivia couldn't say anything so she just hung up and rushed off.

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**Lorenzo's Bistro**

April 6th 1.12 pm

Olivia rushed into the quiet bistro and saw Lorna sitting at a booth.

"Olivia!" She gasped seeing the state of emotional detective and she rushed over to her.

Without thinking she wrapped her arms around Olivia's shoulders and she was surprised when Olivia gripped her back. For a minute they held each other Olivia trying to control her sobs and Lorna just wanting to comfort someone who had become a friend.

"Come and sit down." Lorna said when Olivia pulled away. "I got you a cola, it's what you always drink when you're in my office and I thought that the caffeine might do you some good."

"Thanks." Olivia mumbled before taking a large gulp of the cold drink. "You were in court then?"

"Yes, I hope you don't mind." Lorna replied having not asked Olivia if she minded beforehand.

"No, makes it easier for me to talk to you I guess." Olivia sighed.

"Olivia, no one expected you to sit through all of that, I didn't! I thought you would have left as soon as it started, you stayed and watched that tape from start to end. You showed how strong you are." Lorna said her hand resting on Olivia's.

"I ... I couldn't take my eyes off it Lorna, it was killing me and ... I can't explain it ... I actually felt physical pain all through my body as I watched it but ... I still couldn't ... I couldn't look away." Olivia explained best she could.

"That's normal Olivia, the physical pain isn't real, it's your mind playing tricks on you and I know that is hard to believe because I'm sure it felt so real to you when it was happening. Not being able to turn away from the tape, I can't explain that, I mean, I couldn't either... I felt like I had to watch it from start to end just to begin trying to understand what you went through." Lorna sighed, she wished she could be of more use.

"The reaction...in the court room ... it ... it shocked me." Olivia whispered her voice failing her.

"It didn't shock me. Olivia, you'd already seen the tape as well as lived through that experience, the people in the court room, it was like watching the worst horror film they had ever seen. It wasn't the same for them as it was for you. They were stunned into silence, it took the judge minutes to compose herself enough to break for lunch and she left the court so quick it was unbelievable. No one moved for minutes because they were all in shock. I don't know how much of the different reactions you saw but it was everyone's natural response to shock. One woman was heaving, in the jury, well that is her natural reaction to shock. A police officer sat in front of me, he was shaking, I mean physically shaking and that's his natural reaction to shock." Lorna was trying desperately to help Olivia.

"What about my reaction? Explain that one because I know you were watching." Olivia was actually pleading not being sarcastic.

"You Olivia, you were frightened. Not of Toby McArthur, not of facing what happened but of everyone else having to see the tape, you were frightened for them Olivia, weren't you?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded as more tears welled in her eyes.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a fresh tissue, she was carrying plenty of them in both pockets just in case.

"When you called out towards the end of the video, Olivia, I just wanted to scream that they turned it off. I know a lot of people in that room were in the same position as me Olivia, they wanted to call out too because they hated seeing what was happening to you in the courtroom not what was happening on tape because no one understood that you were sobbing for all of them as well as yourself, you didn't want anyone to have to watch that footage because you'd already seen it, had you not seen it before today, I don't think you'd have been quite as emotional throughout."

"So you're saying I made a mistake in watching the footage before hand?" Olivia questioned.

"No, I don't think it was a mistake to watch it before hand because you and I have already dealt with what you had to watch, that's been taken care of but now, now I want to make sure you're ready to take to the stand." Lorna smiled gently and gave Olivia's hand a little squeeze.

"You know I think I am, I had words with the defence attorney before I called you and I think he'd made me more determined to get up there now." Olivia replied shakily.

"Ok, if it gets too much Olivia don't be afraid to ask for a recess because Donnelly will bend over backwards to make this case easier for you." Lorna smiled.

"How do you know Donnelly will do that?" Olivia asked.

Lorna gave her a cheeky grin and Olivia stared at her with intrigue.

"Spill!" Olivia nudged her with her hand and Lorna laughed.

"Elizabeth Donnelly is my aunty Lizzie." Lorna laughed.

"Oh." Olivia replied unsure what to make of that.

"Don't worry Liv, she doesn't know I'm your shrink I swear." Lorna replied.

"Aunty Lizzie?" Olivia asked laughing gently.

"Yup, that's what I called her when I was younger and just couldn't change as I got older." Lorna shrugged a bright red blush on her cheeks.

"Right, so how do you know Aunty Lizzie will make this easier on me then?" Olivia asked.

"I was at her house yesterday, she asked me to go over for a coffee which always means she wants to get something off her chest, we're close but she doesn't treat me like a shrink and I don't treat her like a patient. So, anyway, she told me she had a trial starting today and she was worried she couldn't handle it, she told me it was someone she was close too and considered a friend and I accidently blurted out if it was your case, but don't worry I asked if it was 'Detective Benson's' case and covered it up by saying it was all over the media which it is so I wasn't completely lying. She told me that it was going to be the hardest case of her career and that she knew it was going to be tough on you and then she finished by saying she was determined to make it easier on you in every way possible because she cares about you deeply." Lorna explained as quick as she could and Olivia just laughed.

"Well Auntie Lizzie is a good friend and I'm not surprised that she's finding it tough, I mean, a part of me was glad when I saw she was trying this case but another part of me wished it wasn't someone I knew, too many people I care about have been affected by all of this." Olivia sighed.

"I know Olivia, I do, really. But we all just want to support you ok? Now we're going to grab something to eat and yes you are going to eat something otherwise I'm going to be terrified that you'll faint on the stand and Auntie Lizzie will freak out and then we are going to go back to the court room and you are going to tell that Jury your story and make them see how much of a monster Toby McArthur really is!" Lorna smiled gently and Olivia took a deep breath and nodded, ignoring the vibration of her cell phone in her pocket.

"I'll get us some sandwiches you sit tight." Lorna smiled and Olivia just nodded and watched her go.

Once she was sure Lorna was out of sight she picked up her phone and saw she had three missed calls from Elliot. Reluctantly she called him back.

"Liv?"

"Yes it's me." She sighed.

"Where are you?" He asked almost desperately.

"Having lunch, El I'm fine, I'll see you back at the courthouse ok?"

"You're definitely coming back right?" He asked uncertain.

"Of course I am El do you really think I'm going to put myself in a position to get a contempt charge? I'm having lunch with a friend and I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you too Liv, just text when you're on your way." He pleaded.

"I will baby, go get something to eat, I'll see you at two." She said gently.

"Ok, I'll see you at two. Bye."

"Bye." She replied before hanging up just as Lorna returned.

"There wasn't much choice so I got a BLT on rye?"

"Perfect." Olivia smiled realising how hungry she was, momentarily forgetting everything she was dealing with and just enjoying being in Lorna's company.

"So who was on the phone?" Lorna asked as they both began unwrapping the baguettes.

"Elliot." Olivia replied.

"Oh." Lorna replied.

"Yeah, I kinda did a runner after speaking with Langan." Olivia explained.

"Oh." Lorna smiled as she understood. "So he had no idea where you were?"

"Exactly, he's worried and I get it but I'm a big girl, he has to let me do things on my own you know?"

"I get it Olivia, I do, I mean he is worrying about you and about how you're feeling and how you're coping but all you need sometimes is a bit of space and freedom, you've started to feel like he's closing you in and need to push yourself out but he's scared you're pushing him away." Lorna replied.

"Exactly, but could you take five minutes to just be a friend and not a shrink?" Olivia laughed.

"I could but that would be no fun!" Lorna laughed and Olivia chuckled.

"What am I doing?" Olivia asked with a soft laugh.

"What do you mean?" Lorna asked and Olivia stared at her trying to hide her laugh. "What?" Lorna asked laughing feeling a little paranoid.

"You're doing it again!" Olivia explained.

"Doing what?" Lorna laughed back at her.

"Being a shrink!" Olivia giggled.

"Sorry!" Lorna shrugged playfully. "I just can't help it, I mean, I've trained my mind to ask questions and prompt reactions and now I do it without thinking, my family hate it Liz Donnelly included!" Lorna laughed.

"Ok I forgive you!" Olivia teased.

"Ok so what did you mean when you asked what am I doing?" Lorna asked making Olivia laugh again.

"I mean, I'm about to give evidence at a trial where I'm the vic and I'm sat here laughing with you complaining about my boyfriend and eating a BLT I mean where's the sense in that?" She laughed.

"You're beginning to heal Olivia, you're trying to move on and it's hard because we're only at the start of the trial but being able to have a break like this is good for you, now eat your lunch and just relax." Lorna smiled and Olivia smiled back, a strong and happy smile one Lorna had only ever heard described to her and it really did warm her up and relax her.

"Thanks Lorna." Olivia smiled.

"What for?" Lorna asked as she picked at her sandwich.

"For being a friend." Olivia replied.

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**Next chapter, Olivia's testimony!**


	19. 19 Telling

**A/N – Forgot to change the authors note at the end of chapter 17 ... oops!**

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Nineteen – Telling

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 6th 1.52 pm

When Olivia and Lorna walked into the courthouse they were surprised to see the whole of the SVU squad by the door as well as the Chief of Police.

"Liv!" Elliot gasped relief flooding his face.

"You really thought I'd run huh?" She asked him almost teasingly.

"I don't know what I was thinking Liv, but in saying that I didn't know what you were thinking either." Elliot explained.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you ... or the squad and the Police Chief." She replied looking around at everyone and giving them a confident smile.

"We'll all be in there Liv." Elliot smiled at her sensing her confidence.

"I know, I'll be ok." She smiled turning to Lorna who just gave her two thumbs up.

"Detective Benson." The Bailiff nodded meaning she'd been called to the stand and all the colour in her cheeks suddenly vanished and her stomach fell to the floor.

"Ready?" Elliot asked.

"No, but I have to be." She replied her voice a whisper.

She slowly began to make her way into the court room with Elliot's hand clutched tightly in her own. As promised, the courtroom was near empty with all the officers sent away. Olivia gave Elliot's hand one last squeeze as she walked to the stand receiving reassuring smiles from both Alex and Casey.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but truth so help you God?"

"I do." Olivia managed to croak losing her voice a little from nerves.

She sat down and took a deep breath before nodding at the ADA's waiting for her to be ready. Casey nodded back before she stood up and made her way to the witness box.

"Detective Benson what happened on the morning of April the first in your apartment that you share with your fiancé Detective Stabler?" Casey asked.

"We were in bed sleeping when Elliot, Detective Stabler, got a call from Detective Tutuola requesting his presence at a crime scene, Elliot got out of bed and got ready. He laughed at me I asked him what was funny and he said nothing, then I asked him if he'd been called on a case. He said he had, kissed me I told him to call if he needed me and I heard him leave. Seconds after the door closed, I was trying to go back to sleep when I heard the door open again, this didn't strike me as odd as Elliot's forgetful, I guessed he'd forgotten something. I heard who I believed at the time to be Elliot enter my bedroom and asked what had he forgotten. That's when a voice that clearly wasn't Elliot answered that he hadn't forgotten anything and I woke up quickly, ready to dive for my gun when he told me not to and I heard the safety catch on his gun click." Olivia explained and the further into the answer she got the more her voice shook.

"What happened next?" Casey asked gently encouraging Olivia.

"He told me to get up, get dressed and pack. I got out of bed and pulled my robe on and asked him to switch the light on and he did. I went into the closet and pulled out a holdall and started packing, trying to go slow in the hope Elliot would come home." Olivia sniffed as she remembered how much she'd hoped Elliot would have really forgotten something and come home to her. "He told me to get changed, so I grabbed some clothes and asked him if I could use the bathroom. He said yes so I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me and got changed quickly, my bathroom has two doors, one leading into the bedroom, the other leading into the living room so I slowly grabbed the door handle and his sprung open and I ran ... I ran to the front door but he must have heard me and he ran after me. He ... uh ... he grabbed me by the hair and then put a cloth of chloroform over my face knocking me out." Olivia wiped the couple of tears that had slipped down her cheek.

"How did you know it was chloroform?" Casey asked.

"I'm a cop, you get to know things, I know the smell, I tried to hold my breath but he just held it and I slowly fell asleep." Olivia explained.

"Ok, so what happened when you came around?" Casey asked gently.

"It was dark, that's the first thing I remember. I was gagged and cuffed and sitting down on a chair. I made a noise and the light came on blinding me. He said ... He told me to wake up and I slowly got used to the light and looked around. I was in a white room, white walls and white floor and there was a two way like they have in interrogation rooms so I walked over to them, I saw that I had a thick gash on my cheek and that's when he came into the room, he was wearing a balaclava and he had a first aid kit. He came over to me, took me back to my seat and he told me he ..." Olivia had to blink back more tears and take a very shaky breath. "...he told me he wasn't going to hurt me." Olivia finished before more tears made their way down her cheeks. "Sorry." She mumbled as she wiped them away.

"It's ok Olivia take your time." Casey replied wanting to cry too.

"He uh ... he told me he uh wasn't going to hurt me and then said he was going to take the gag off, warned me not to scream, said one no one would hear me anyway and two that he just wanted to clean my face. I nodded and let him take the gag off and I let him wipe the gauze and then he told me he was putting butterfly bandages and when he was done, I asked him how my cheek happened the cut but he told me he got rough after I tried to run and he caught it on the coffee table..."

"Objection!" Langan called.

"We have Detective Benson's blood on the coffee table that backs up what the defendant told Detective Benson so it does not fall under hearsay." Casey said before Langan had the chance to say why he was objecting.

"Overruled. Go on Detective."

"He said he caught it on the coffee table and his ... he put his other hand on me unhurt cheek and he stroked it." Olivia shivered as fresh tears stung her eyes. "He then told me he would be back and ... he left. I closed my eyes, I was still drowsy from the chloroform and I fell asleep." Olivia explained still shakily.

"Ok, what happened when he came back?" Casey continued.

"He came in and asked me how I was, I told him I was ok and ... that was when he hit me and I flew to the floor he yelled at me and picked me up from the floor and I pleaded with him not to hurt me and then he yelled some more then threw me back to the ground before he walked out." Olivia answered trying hard to stop her voice from quaking and keep the tears away.

"What did he yell at you Olivia?" Casey asked gently.

"I God I can't remember exactly but it was something about that I should be scared, I should be pleading for my life not telling him I was ok, I don't remember his exact words I was terrified." Olivia explained.

"Ok Olivia, that's when the tape came on so we have the footage of everything that happened, there was a period where you left the room where did you go?"

"The bathroom." Olivia replied.

"When was that?"

"After he punched me, he knocked me out and apparently I was out for nearly an hour ..."

"Objection!"

"We have video footage that proves what Detective Benson is saying so it doesn't fall into the line of hearsay." Casey replied having known Langan was going to call for an objection at that point.

"Overruled." Liz Donnelly informed him before turning back to Olivia.

"When I came round, I needed to use the bathroom so I banged on the two way and he told me to calm down, I told him I could do that and he came to get me to take me to the bathroom." Olivia finished.

"Ok so we saw the footage of when you came back into the room, we saw the injuries but we don't have footage of how they happened can you tell us?"

"I went to the bathroom, found there was a window, it was small but I thought if I could break it quick then there was a chance I could climb out. I climbed onto the bath, used the heel of my boot to smash the window and tried to dive out, Toby, he uh, he got to me quick because there was no lock on the door and he pulled me back in, that's when I scratched and cut my face. He then ... he then threw me into the wall and that's when I cut my head open and then I fell to the ground and that's when he kicked me in the stomach. He then dragged me ... dragged me by the hair back to the room." Olivia explained.

"Ok Olivia, now we're going to fast forward all the way to the rape ok?" Casey asked.

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded weakly, she'd already been told that they wanted her to speak about the rape even though they had the footage just to show the jury her side of what happened.

"Ok tell us what you remember." Casey told her softly.

"I was in the bed, sleeping, and I felt the weight of the bed change and it woke me up. He covered my mouth and told me not to scream. He then asked me if I would and I shook my head and he released my mouth ..." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper and Judge Donnelly leaned in to her.

"Olivia, you need to speak up, do you want five minutes?"

"No. I can do this." Olivia replied.

"Ok, if you want to take five at any point just tell me, I realise how traumatic this must be for you." Donnelly gave her a reassuring smile and Olivia turned back to Casey as she cleared her throat.

"He released my mouth, I asked him not to or I said don't or something and he apologised, said it had to be done." Olivia explained her voice shaking and tears streaming down her cheeks but she didn't care because this was her chance to tell her story.

"What were you thinking at that time Olivia?" Casey asked.

"I knew what was going to happen, I knew what was coming and I just ... I wanted to die." Olivia explained as she convulsed with a sob.

She took a minute to regain herself before continuing.

"Go on." Casey nodded her voice weaker than Olivia had ever heard it before.

"I knew I had to fight back so I pushed him and ran even though I knew there was nowhere to run to. It was dark and I don't know why but I hoped it was too dark for him to see me but he did. He uh ... he picked me up and carried me back to the bed." Olivia closed her eyes to finish speaking because what happened was playing out in her mind just the way it had on the TV. "I fell to the floor and he ... he got on top of me on my back and he slapped a handcuff around my wrist and I knew ... I knew if he handcuff me then I'd be helpless so I struggled harder trying to stop him from getting the second wrist ... but he did and my wrist broke in the struggle. Then he picked me up from the floor and placed me back on the bed. He shoved his ... he shoved his hand up my night gown and he started touching me..." Olivia had to stop, she felt like the whole room was closing in on her and she couldn't catch her breath.

"Olivia?" Casey asked leaning into the witness box.

"She's having a panic attack!" Lorna called and she and Huang both rushed over to her.

"Bailiffs clear the Jury!" Donnelly said as she rushed from the box around to the box.

"Guys give her some space." Lorna explained as Olivia clutched to her arm. "Breath Liv. Remember, like we practised. Slowly ... in slowly and out ... in slowly and out ..." Lorna was doing the breathing with Olivia as everyone else just look panicked, Elliot had been stopped at the gate by the bailiff so he couldn't get anywhere near her.

"I can't ..." She croaked.

"Don't talk Olivia just focus on your breathing for me." Lorna said and Olivia nodded and closed her eyes.

She actually felt embarrassed at the scene she had caused.

"What happened?" Donnelly asked her niece.

"It's the first time she's spoken about it." Lorna replied.

"How would you ..."

"I'm her therapist." Lorna replied knowing where the question was going.

"Ok but she hasn't spoken about it?" Donnelly asked.

"She hasn't needed to Aunty Lizzie because of the tape, she hasn't even gone into this much detail with me she always skirts around it." Lorna snapped.

"Ok Loz, I need to know if we should continue or call it a day."

"I want to finish." Olivia croaked.

"Is that ..."

"I want to finish." She repeated interrupting Liz Donnelly.

"Ok we'll have a fifteen minute recess and then you can finish Olivia." Donnelly nodded and went back to her seat as Lorna and Casey helped support Olivia out of the witness box, the judge knowing Olivia knew not to talk about her testimony.

"We're going to call a fifteen minute recess and then we'll continue." Donnelly said before banging her gavel and stepping down again.

"Liv." Elliot said wrapping her up in an embrace.

"I don't know what happened." She croaked.

"Olivia how did you feel, before you panicked?" Lorna asked as Elliot sat her down on the bench.

"I felt like the whole room was closing in on me, getting smaller and I couldn't breathe." Olivia explained.

"Ok, just keep calm Olivia, you had a panic attack but people get them when they're experiencing trauma, retelling your story, especially for the first time is traumatic, no one is upset with you no one cares that the trial has stopped ok? Everyone just wants to make sure you're alright." Lorna reassured her.

"I feel like such an idiot." Olivia snapped.

"You're not an idiot Liv, no one thinks that about you." Lorna said rubbing Olivia's bare knee as she was wearing a dress not caring about showing her bruised legs.

"Ok. How long till it's time to go back?" She asked.

"Five more minutes." Casey told her.

"Ok, I just want to get it over with." She sighed.

"Benson, you're doing well. I can't imagine how tough it is for you but you'll get through it." The Chief chipped in.

"Thank you sir." She replied before turning away from him, he was one of the people she didn't want to see her crumble.

Olivia held tight to Elliot as she steadied herself and mentally prepared herself for the next piece of her testimony. As the jury filled back into their seats Olivia looked at Casey and nodded before getting to her feet.

"You can do this Olivia." Lorna said and Olivia gave her a hug.

"I know." She whispered before going back to the witness box.

Judge Donnelly gave her a nod and she nodded back.

"Ok can you continue from where he placed you back on the bed?" Casey asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "He placed me back on the bed and he shoved his hand up my night gown and started to stroke me. I struggled against him and the he inserted his fingers inside me ..." She swallowed hard knowing she had to be straight about this. "Inside my vagina, he started twisting and pumping and I was screaming and he inserted a second finger and he was calling out my name, I kicked him and ... and his fingers tore my insides. Then I ran to the door and he smashed into me. He opened his pants and I could feel his erection against me. That's when he tore the night gown from my body and I pleaded for him not to. He then penetrated my vagina, and started having intercourse ..." Olivia found being scientific made it feel less personal to her. "...I continued pleading for him to stop I could hear him moaning and he called out my name and he ejaculated inside me. Then he pulled out of me and carried me back to the bed. He pinned me down, one arm across my stomach and one arm on my thigh, the other thigh was pinned under his arm pit. That's when he ... That's when he began assaulting me orally, he said he tasted blood and apologised but continued anyway. That's when the cops arrived, I heard Detective Tutuola's voice." Olivia ended.

"Ok Olivia." Casey smiled reassuringly.

"Is the man who kidnapped, beat and rapped you in this room?" Casey asked.

"Yes, he's sat there. Toby McArthur." Olivia pointed to Toby without looking at him.

"Let the record reflect that Detective Olivia Benson has identified the defendant Toby McArthur." Casey said.

"The record will reflect." Donnelly said.

"Peoples three your honour. Could you confirm that this is your police identification badge?" Casey asked passing Olivia a plastic bag.

Olivia took it not understanding the relevance. She looked. 4015, he number, her gold shield that she was proud to have earned.

"Yes this is mine." Olivia nodded handing the shield back to Casey.

"So that is your identification number?" Casey asked.

"Four, zero, one, five. Yes that is my identification number." Olivia replied.

"Peoples eight your honour. Detective, is this your first engagement ring?" Casey asked passing Olivia a small see through bag.

"Yes." She replied.

"Are you certain?" Casey asked.

"I am, it has the date Elliot and I met engraved on the inside." Olivia replied almost throwing the bag back at Casey, knowing where it had been she didn't want to be anywhere near it.

"I have no more questions for this witness." Casey replied.

"Defence?" Donnelly nodded to Langan.

"Detective Benson you have stated on record that my client was the man who kidnapped, rapped and beat you am I right?"

"Yes." Olivia replied unsure where he was going with this line of questioning.

"When you were woken from your bed did you see my clients face?"

"No." Olivia hissed understanding where he was going but she was ready now.

"When did you see my clients face?" Langan went on.

"When he took the balaclava off when we had lunch." Olivia replied.

"How do you know it was the same man who broke into your apartment and took you from your home?"

"I..."

"How can you..."

"Objection! Detective Benson didn't answer the question!" Alex yelled.

"Sustained. Detective answer the question." Donnelly said giving Langan a stern look.

"I know it was the same man from his voice and his eyes." Olivia replied.

"How can you be so sure?" Langan asked.

"That voice and those eyes have haunted me for five days not just in my nightmares but every time I close my eyes." Olivia replied as tears slipped down her cheek.

"So you're absolutely to one hundred percent to absolute degree of certainty that my client was the man in your bedroom as well as the man who raped you?" Langan continued.

"Yes. I am one hundred percent to absolute degree of certainty that Toby McArthur was the man in my bedroom as well as the man who raped me." Olivia spat angrily.

"Ok so the man who you ate lunch with, the man you had dinner with and the man who bathed you is the same man who beat and rapped you?"

"Yes! Toby McArthur is that man, the only man that was ever involved in this that I came into contact with!" Olivia yelled angrily.

"No more questions." Langan stated before going to sit down and Olivia was surprised she had expected a lot more.

"You may step down detective." Donnelly smiled and Olivia couldn't scramble out of the witness box faster.

"We'll end there and continue this at nine am sharp tomorrow." Donnelly said before slamming the gavel.

"Well done Liv you did it." Elliot smiled wrapping his arms around her.

"What the fuck was Langan doing?" She asked turning to the approaching ADA's.

"He wanted to try and see if you'd question a possibility of a second person. If he could make you stop and think that there was another person possibly involved he could have had the kidnapping charge gone easily." Alex explained.

"Right." Olivia nodded. "Reasonable doubt I get it."

"But don't worry Liv, losing the kidnapping wouldn't harm our case, we added two counts sexual assault in the first degree to the docket since arraignment. Toby McArthur will never see daylight again." Casey reassured her.

"I hope not." Olivia sighed. "Now, I am going to supper with Lorna, El I'll talk to you later."

She leant up and kissed him not caring that the Chief of Police was watching her.

"I love you." She stated needing him to know that.

"I know, I love you too." He smiled as she began to walk off.

"I know." She replied with a gentle smile.

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**I really really really hope I pulled that off, it drained me to write it! Next chapter – day 2 of court, Elliot is first to give his testimony, depending on how long that goes depends on who else does but you're going to learn exactly how they found Olivia! **


	20. 20 Listening

**A/N – So here it is day 2 of court. I hope I'm doing this justice guys. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty – Listening

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 7th 8.46 am

When they arrived at the court the next morning they went straight to the bench reserved for them. The courtroom was packed once again and the Chief of Police was sat beside Cragen.

"Good morning." He nodded towards the couple.

"Good morning sir." They both replied.

They sat down. Elliot was shifty because he knew he was first to give his testimony that morning and he was nervous, this was different to every other time because this time the woman he loved was the victim and that terrified him. Olivia sensed his discomfort and squeezed his hand gently reassuring him that it would be ok.

"The honourable Judge Elizabeth Donnelly presiding, court is now in session."

"The people call Detective Elliot Stabler." Alex called, she was taking today's testimony.

"Good luck." Olivia whispered as he gave her hand one last squeeze before getting up.

Cragen quickly switched to Elliot's seat so he could hold Olivia's hand, the other one still being in a cast made it hard to hold.

"Thank you." She whispered giving his hand a squeeze.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God."

"I do." Elliot replied before sitting down.

"Detective Stabler can you tell us what happened on the morning of April the first?" Alex asked.

"I got a call from Detective Tutuola saying we had a case. I got out of bed got dressed spoke briefly with Olivia kissed her and left." Elliot replied.

"So you didn't return to the apartment?"

"No I did not." He replied being a typical cop on the stand.

"What time was it when you returned to the apartment?" Alex continued.

"It was around eleven am." Elliot answered.

"Ok, is that when you found that Olivia was missing?"

"Yes."

"How did you know she was missing and not out shopping or otherwise engaged?"

"A note was left saying she'd been taken." Elliot replied.

"Peoples two your honour, the note that was found at the Benson-Stabler residence by Detective Stabler. Could you read it out for us Detective?" Alex asked passing him a printed copy of the note.

"Detective Stabler, April fools, I've got Olivia and you will soon see that she doesn't love you because she will fall in love with me. Wait for my messages. All the best." Elliot read before handing the paper back to Alex.

"What else did you find when you arrived at the apartment?"

"Olivia's on duty weapon and shield." Elliot answered.

"People's three your honour, is this the shield you found?" Alex asked handing the plastic bag containing Olivia's shield to Elliot.

He looked at it and had to hide his smile, he knew the number, he had a tattoo of it where no one but Olivia would see.

"Yes." Elliot replied handing it back.

"Peoples four your honour." Alex said as she walked back to the peoples table. "Is this the gun you found?"

"I believe so if it's in an evidence bag, many of them look the same." Elliot shrugged, he couldn't tell from where Alex was stood if it was Olivia's gun.

"This gun was in fact recovered from the Benson-Stabler apartment with the shield and it does have a unique ID code that proves it is in fact Detective Benson's on duty weapon." Alex explained before placing it back on the table.

"How where the objects found?" Alex asked.

"They were on the bed. The gun and the shield side by side and then the note beneath them." Elliot replied.

"Peoples six your honour, photographs taken by the crime scene unit of the items laid out on the bed." Alex explained handing the photos over to the jury.

"Detective Stabler, you received a package what was in that package?"

"There was a note, a transmitter and a box." Elliot replied his voice trembling a little.

"Was this the note? Peoples five your honour." Alex passed the note to Elliot.

"Yes." He sighed.

"Could you read it out to the court?"

"Thought you might enjoy seeing what your ex fiancé is up to. Live feed, and don't worry, I'm not stupid, it's untraceable. Connect it to your high tech screens and load it up, then you can watch her all day and all night unless it's something I don't want you to see." Elliot read before handing the note back over to Alex.

"Peoples seven your honour, The black box in the package that Detective Stabler received. What was in this box Detective?"

"A severed finger wearing Olivia's engagement ring." Elliot replied his face showing his disgust.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her seat and squeezed Cragen's hand.

"Peoples eight your honour. Detective Stabler is this the ring?" Alex asked passing him a small see through bag.

"Absolutely." Elliot replied before handing it back.

"Peoples nine you honour, photographs of the severed finger wearing Olivia Benson's engagement ring." Alex explained as she handed photos to the jury.

"Elliot when you first switched on the transmitter what did you see?" Alex asked.

"I saw Liv's ... Olivia's figure sobbing on the floor of a white room." Elliot replied.

Once again Olivia shifted uncomfortably and squeezed Cragen's hand for support, she felt a gentle hand land above her cast and she glanced down and up to see that The Police Chief was gently stroking her chin. He looked at her and gave her a warm and comforting smile and even though she knew it should have made her uncomfortable, it didn't.

"What was your first thought?" Alex asked.

"That I needed to find her." Elliot replied, tears sparkling in his eyes setting Olivia's off.

"When you first saw Toby McArthur hurt Olivia what was going through your mind?"

"That I was going to kill the son of a bitch who hurt her." He spat and Olivia's tears kept falling, she could really see and hear now how much this had affected Elliot.

"Detective Stabler you were not involved in the investigation were you?" Alex continued.

"No, I wasn't allowed to be because of the nature of my relationship with the victim." Elliot replied and Olivia let out a sob, hearing him call her a victim was worse than calling herself one.

The Police Chief gently squeezed her arm as Cragen squeezed her hand, she burrowed her head into Cragen's shoulder trying to hide her tears.

"You were involved in rescuing Detective Benson though were you not?" Alex continued.

"Of course I was." Elliot spat.

"You were armed?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't kill Toby McArthur?"

"Obviously not."

Chuckles rang out across the court room making Elliot grin cheekily and Donnelly had to bang her gavel for order. It didn't make Olivia feel any better though as she rested her head on Cragen's shoulder and looked at Elliot.

"What was going through your mind when you were waiting for the bomb squad to clear you or entry into the room where Olivia's assault was continuing?"

"That I needed to wrap my arms around her, I knew she needed me and ..." Elliot blinked back tears not liking that he looked so vulnerable on the stand. "...I need her."

"So what happened when you entered the room?"

"Detective Tutuola was in front, he entered first and called for McArthur to step away I was second McArthur ... McArthur said "Well done detectives, you got me but not before I did some damage" Or something along those lines, I ..." He stopped and looked at Alex. "Should I evoke my fifth amendment right to stop self incrimination?" He asked looking from Alex to the Chief of Police.

"No, you're alright we've already cleared on immunity Detective go on." Alex smirked.

"Ok I dove for him and I punched him." Elliot explained. "The Captain Cragen yelled for me to go to Olivia and I did, his comment infuriated me and I let it get to me but then my number one priority was Olivia."

Olivia couldn't fight hers back as she sobbed silently. Cragen was now stroking the side of her face with one hand and clutching her hand with his other. The police chief hadn't moved his hand from Olivia's arm and his thumb gently stroked her, having a calming effect on her that she knew she would need to talk to Lorna about after.

"What happened when you reached Olivia?" Alex continued.

"She fought me at first, she didn't know who I was but I spoke to her and told her it was me and once she knew it was me, I think she finally felt safe." Elliot replied having to wipe the tears threatening to fall. "She sobbed, a lot, and then the EMT's came in and ..." Elliot furiously blinked back more tears as the memory swam around him.

Olivia was crying but she was listening too as she had blocked out most of this, she had forgotten the exact moments she had been rescued.

"Cap I don't remember." She whispered.

"What?" He asked turning to Olivia as Elliot was still trying to compose himself.

"I don't remember when he came, the EMT's I don't remember any of it." She explained as the tears streamed down her face.

"We'll talk after, just listen." Cragen replied knowing she needed to hear it.

"Sorry..." Elliot mumbled as he wiped more tears.

"Take your time Detective Stabler, we understand this was a traumatic experience." Alex reassured him.

"The EMT's came in and she panicked, she wouldn't let them anywhere near her. I carried her out, to the ambulance and I held her the whole way, she wouldn't let anyone touch her. We arrived the hospital, and again she wouldn't let anyone go near her. I carried her into the hospital, took her to the privet room they had set for her and then when I needed to put her on the bed, she wouldn't let me till I explained I'd get on the bed but she needed to let me put her down for a moment..." The tears just fell down his cheeks and he made no attempt to stop them.

Olivia's sobs were hysterical but still silent as she listened.

"Don, maybe you should take her out." The Chief suggested.

"Liv, do you want to leave?" Cragen asked.

"No, I need to be here for El." She replied.

"Ok." He shook his head towards their superior and turned their attention back to Elliot who was still trying to compose himself.

"She briefly spoke with Captain Cragen and Doctor George Huang. I managed to get her into a gown and I got her to lie down and get some sleep. I then went out to talk with the squad." Elliot explained.

"What did you talk about?" Alex asked trying to move things along but knowing that the jury needed to hear the after affect as well as the actually rape.

"We just talked about Olivia, I had to coax her to let me go by saying I wouldn't leave the door unguarded. She woke up screaming and we all rushed into the room. She'd had a nightmare, then she said her hand was hurting, the one that was broken, she hadn't had any of her injuries seen too and she agreed to get an X-ray and a cast, she spoke to the rest of the squad as we waited for someone to come sort her hand. We went to the X-ray, she wouldn't let me leave her and panicked when I couldn't hold her hand as the x-ray was done, she panicked every time we passed someone in the corridor, it was unreal." Elliot sighed.

"Ok after the X-ray what happened?"

"We went back to the room, after she got a cast, and she asked about Toby." Elliot sighed remembering.

"What did she ask Detective?" Alex knew they were getting close to what they needed most.

"Asked what would happen to him." Elliot replied.

"Did this comment surprise you?"

"Yes, she's a cop, she knew what happened afterwards but we continued talking and she went into denial and Doctor Huang had to bring her out of it." Elliot explained.

"Ok then what?"

"She freaked out, sent us all out of the room and me included." Elliot explained.

Olivia's sobs were so violent both Cragen and the Chief had to hold her.

"I can't listen to this." She sobbed quietly.

"Do you want to go?" Cragen asked.

"Yes." She replied.

Cragen nodded at the Chief and they both helped Olivia to her feet. Her eyes connected with Elliot's and he gave a tiny nod to signal he understood. The two men supported her as she walked towards the door and out into the corridor.

"Apologies your honour, as I'm sure everyone understands this is a very sensitive trial." Alex said excusing the three who had just left.

"Of course Councillor, continue." Donnelly nodded.

"Ok Detective Stabler, what happened after you left Olivia?"

"We all stayed right outside the room and talked, we all just felt helpless and drifted into our own thoughts really, she screamed, had another nightmare and we all rushed in. She asked me to hold her and I got into the bed and did just that." Elliot explained. "She fell asleep again and Huang reassured me that I was doing the right thing in reminding her that I was there and that she was safe. Then she started having another nightmare, she was mumbling incoherently at first but the more the dream progressed the more she convulsed and the louder her cries became, they were the exact things she was saying when that monster raped her." He was spitting as he spoke, his fury evident to all.

As Elliot continued to give his testimony Olivia, Cragen and the Chief, who Olivia was told to call Dodson, were sat together on one of the benches.

"Why can't I remember?" Olivia sobbed into Cragen's shoulder.

"I don't know, we'll ask Huang when he comes out." Cragen sighed rubbing her shoulder, he hated seeing her so vulnerable.

"No Lorna." Olivia replied.

"Who?" Cragen asked.

"Lorna, she's my therapist." Olivia explained as she slowly calmed down.

"Ok, well ask Lorna ok?" Cragen smiled gently as he rubbed her shoulder.

"I just can't understand it, I don't remember leaving the place, I don't remember anything from the hospital it just doesn't make sense!" Olivia was angry and she jumped to her feet shoving her hand and cast hand into the pockets of her knee length black coat. She passed the floor.

"I don't even know if I actually remember the rape I mean, I've had nightmares, and I watched the tape, twice and then I don't remember anything after Fin shouted but he ... I saw that on the tape too and then ... I remember arguing about the rape kit and I remember doing it and I remember everything after the kit ... I just don't remember anything before that ... it makes no sense."

Olivia wasn't actually talking to the two men on the bench, her very fast mutterings was just her thinking out loud. The clipping of her heels against the wooden floor making it difficult for them to hear on top of the swishing of her coat which was open showing off a grey day dress as she continued to pace trying to figure everything out.

"Olivia!" Cragen snapped her into the present tense as he jumped in front of her making her stop.

"What?" She asked him confused at his reaction.

"Stop trying to figure all of this out, talk to your therapist afterwards, you're just going to confuse yourself more." Cragen explained.

"You don't get it do you!" She snapped pulling sharply away from him.

"What don't I get Liv?" He asked gently, he was aware that the Chief Dodson was watching them, she either forgot or didn't care.

"I am fed up of being the Victim. I'm _not_ a victim and I just want to get my life back together. I'm fed up of all of you tip toeing around me like I'm going to breakdown at every moment I need you all to remember that I'm a cop, I'm _Detective_ Benson not a victim, not a walk in, or a house call, I'm me Cap and all of you seem to have forgotten that." She couldn't stop the light tears drifting down her cheek as she spoke but she wiped them away furiously.

"Olivia ..."

"Don't, I don't want to hear it anymore ... I want Alex and Casey to plead Toby out." Olivia explained.

"They won't." Cragen replied.

"What are the deals that have been on the table so far?" Olivia asked.

"None. The DA's office has point blank refused any plea bargain to be made, this trial will go to the end Olivia and the jury will decide on the verdict." Cragen explained.

"It's gone on long enough!" Olivia gasped. "I just want it to end!" She explained as more tears drifted down her cheek.

"Liv ..."

"Don't." She whispered before turning on her heels and heading for the back exit wanting to be anywhere but at the court.

"Don..." The Chief said seeing Cragen was about to run after her. "Let her go, clear her head a bit."

"She needs to be around the people who care about her Sir." Cragen replied.

"No Don, she needs to see her therapist before she pushes everyone away, because as much as she denies it she is a victim and having worked in SVU myself I know the victims push their loved ones away to stop themselves hurting them." Chief Dodson explained.

"She's not just a victim though is she, she's my little girl." Cragen hissed.

"I know how much Benson means to you Don but you have to let her go, she will heal but you need to let her have these outbursts they're normal, just tell her shrink if you're worried and let her handle Olivia." Dodson explained.

Cragen didn't say anymore but he took a seat on the bench and placed his head in his hands, he couldn't understand what was going on in Olivia's mind and it frustrated him.

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**Changing my plan a little, I want this story Olivia focused, like it has been, with only snippets of everybody else's opinion, just because I'm getting bored of repeating things you already know. But as promised you will get to find out exactly how Olivia was found, I had planned to put that in earlier scenes but when you decided you wanted the aftermath I held it all back. **


	21. 21 Learning

**A/N – Am I updating too fast on this? **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty one – Learning

**Benson-Stabler residence**

April 8th 6.21 am

"Morning." Olivia smiled as she saw Elliot's bright blue eyes looking down at her.

"Good morning." He smiled slowly leaning in to kiss her, he was still wary about making sudden movements towards her. "How are you feeling this morning?" He asked.

After her leaving court the day before, she had gone for a walk around Central Park to clear her head and had then called Elliot at six to come and collect her. She'd ignored everyone's phone calls and texts all day because she wanted to avoid them but in the mean time making everyone completely anxious. She had Elliot drop her off with Lorna and spoke through everything with her before going home and discussing everything through with Elliot and to finish the night she called Cragen with a very lengthy apology.

"I'm feeling better." She smiled before cuddling into him. "Who's testifying today?"

"Fin." Elliot replied. "Then Munch if we get there, I mean a full day I was in the box yesterday!"

"Yeah, Alex and Casey are really dancing on this one aren't they?" Laughed, she was coping by disassociating herself.

"Yup, I mean, I get that they want to get you justice Liv I really do but if they put half the effort they've put into this trial into every other trial we'd never lose a case!"

"El, have you seen the evidence for this trial? They're just trying to prove he's not insane which isn't easy considering how he behaved." Olivia explained.

"I know baby, but if they put this much effort they could get guilty verdicts on the most circumstantial cases, you know the ones they scream at us to get more evidence when we've searched everything and everywhere already?" Elliot laughed softly.

"I know, it's me though isn't it." She sighed.

"Yeah, we'll get him though Liv. Today, Fin tells the jury exactly how they found you." Elliot smiled kissing the side of her head.

"And how did they find me?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know, never paid much attention to the case and once you were found I was allowed nowhere near it." Elliot shrugged.

"Oh, so new info for both of us today then." Olivia shrugged.

"Yup." Elliot replied.

"Ok well I am going to go for a shower and start getting ready." Olivia smiled gently before kissing him.

"Can't you wait five more minutes?" Elliot pleaded.

"No El I wanna shower!" Olivia laughed as he pretended to hold her and not let go.

"Please!" He pleaded.

"No but I will kiss you one more time." She smiled leaning down and kissing him passionately.

"Mmh, I love you." He smiled as she pulled away.

"I love you too now go make us coffee." She winked before shutting the bathroom door.

As he sat up he smiled, this was the Olivia he knew and loved and she just seemed to get better every day.

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**Supreme court of New York**

April 8th 9.03 am

As Fin was sworn in Olivia found herself a little more relaxed than she had been in court so far. She hoped the worst was over as Alex stepped forwards towards Fin.

"Detective Tutuola, you led the investigation to find Detective Benson is that correct?" Alex asked.

"Correct." Fine replied.

"Why were you leading it?" Alex asked knowing that the defence would question it on cross anyway.

"Because it was an SVU case and Detective Stabler was too close to the ... Detective Stabler couldn't lead the investigation because of his relationship to Olivia Benson." Fin had almost called her a victim after promising himself he wouldn't and he was glad he'd stopped himself in time.

"Ok so tell us how you went about the investigation." Alex nodded to him.

"Well the crime scene unit scoured the apartment searching for evidence, we were basically just sitting and waiting for them when the package arrived for Detective Stabler, we didn't have to wait too long for him to show his face on screen." Fin replied.

"Ok so what did you do from there?"

"We printed the picture and sent it to the media as a person of interest in the disappearance of Detective Benson." Fin replied.

"Ok so what did you get from that?" Alex went on without hesitating.

A woman claimed it to be her ex fiancé and that his name was Toby McArthur, we had already gathered the name Toby from when he told Detective Benson and so we asked her to come to the precinct to speak with us." Fin explained.

"And what did she tell you?" Alex asked.

"She told us that he had been a very loving guy until he became obsessed with sex crimes." Fin explained.

"Is that all she gave you?"

"No, she gave us a list of properties owned solely by Toby McArthur." Fin replied

"You searched these properties did you not?"

"Every single one of them." Fin replied.

"Did you find anything of use?"

"Yes, we found files of documents concerning the Manhattan's special victims unit..."

"People's nine your honour, a file of information all concerning the Manhattan's special victims unit found in one of Toby McArthur's numerous properties." Alex explained before dropping the file back on the peoples table.

"Continue." Alex nodded to Fin.

"We also found a small file detailing how someone could kidnap Detective Benson." Fin explained.

"Peoples ten your honour, the file and all its documents containing detailed scenarios in which a person could kidnap Detective Benson." Alex explained.

Olivia shuddered, she knew he'd been watching her and studying her before he'd taken her but hearing that he had different scenarios planned made her wonder if he hadn't of taken her that night, he would probably have taken her some other time.

"Detective how did you move your investigation on?" Alex asked.

"The lab partner or assistant of McArthur came into the squad room and handed us a file of information that Toby McArthur had gathered regarding a research project and experiment of how a sex crimes detective would react if sex crimes were committed against them." Fin replied trying not to look over to Olivia who was once again convulsing with sobs, she hadn't known any of this before now.

"Peoples Eleven your honour, the research project and experiment details handed to us by the lab assistant of Doctor Toby McArthur. Now Detective could you tell us exactly what you gathered from this information?"

"We gathered that McArthur had been researching how a sex crimes detective, specifically Detective Benson...

"Objection calls for speculation!" Langan yelled.

"Detective Benson's name appears in numerous of these documents not only printed but also created by the defendant." Alex replied.

"Overruled."

"How a sex crimes detective would react and behave should sex crimes be committed against them. There was a detailed plan on how to reduce Detective Benson to Stockholm syndrome by brainwashing and details about how he would monitor her changing behaviour." Fin replied.

Olivia shook with sobs as she realised how well planned out her attack had been, it wasn't random, none of it had been random at all.

"Where there any specific things in there that stood out to you?" Alex continued.

"Yes, there was one section that said how she would try to escape at least three times in the first twenty four hours of captivity." Elliot replied.

"And how many times did Olivia try to escape?" Alex asked not caring about trying to be careful and using Olivia's name in this trial, she was angry, she could hear Olivia sobbing behind her even though she couldn't see and she was damned if she was going to keep calling her detective, because it wasn't a detective that was brutally rapped, but Olivia.

"Olivia tried to escape three times. Once when she elbowed him in the chest, once by trying to dive out of a window and once when she lured him into a false sense of security and attacked him back." Fin replied having to tense his fists on his knees to keep himself calm because he wanted nothing more than to dive to the defence table and wrap his hands around Toby McArthur's neck.

"What other information did you get from the Lab Assistant?" Alex continued.

"He gave us names and addresses of laboratories that Toby McArthur may have taken Olivia."

"What happened next?"

"Units from Major Crimes and Anti Terror went to search the premises' while we waited, there was nothing we could do until we were sure." Fin explained.

"Ok when you got the call to say they had found her, why the delay on the rescue?"

"We learnt that Toby McArthur had some knowledge of bombs, we had to have the bomb squad and anti terror check every door we entered before we could get to Olivia." Fin explained remembering how frustrating it had been to stand outside the door and listen to the rape going on while the bomb squad had been checking the door.

"You were the first to enter the room am I right?"

"Yes I was." Fin answered his voice shaking slightly because he knew what the next question was.

"What did you find when you went in?"

"Toby McArthur was on his knees at the end of the bed, his head in between Olivia's legs." He replied his voice shaking more.

"So you identified yourself as the NYPD what happened?"

"I had my gun on him identified us as NYPD and told him to step away from Olivia. He did just that and placed his hands up and I went to handcuff him."

"Not before Detective Stabler broke his nose though?"

"No Stabler punched him before I got to him." Fin replied.

"No more questions for this witness." Alex said and Trevor Langan got to his feet and walked towards the box.

"Did you get search warrants for all the properties?"

"Yes we did." Fin replied sternly.

"Did you actually get the warrants before you broke down the doors?" Langan questioned.

"Of course."

"You got a chance to watch some of the live footage during your investigation didn't you?" Langan moved on.

"Yes."

"Did it sicken you?"

"Down to my stomach."

"When you were transporting my client to central booking he's put in a report of police brutality, did you get a little rough with him?"

"No."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Objection. Asked and answered." Casey called.

"Withdrawn." Langan replied. "No more questions."

Langan went to sit down his shoulders hung lower as he had failed to get one up on Fin.

"You may step down Detective." Donnelly smiled. "People call your next witness."

"The people call Detective John Munch." Casey replied.

Munch left his seat and made his way to the box quickly, everyone watched as he was sworn in and sat down.

"Detective Munch, you were partnered with Detective Tutuola in this case am I right?" Casey began.

"Yes."

"You were with Detective Tutuola when he questioned the ex fiancé and the lab assistant?"

"Yes."

"No more questions." Casey smiled.

"The defence have no questions for this witness." Langan called.

"You may step down detective. People call your next witness." Donnelly sighed this day was going to be a long one.

"The people call Jessica Thomas." Alex smiled as she got to her feet.

Olivia watched as a petite brunette girl made her way trembling to the box. She was sworn in and sat down and Alex made her way over.

"Jessica you were once engaged to be married to the defendant Toby McArthur am I right?"

"Yes." Her voice was soft and subtle with an unmistakable hint of nervousness in there.

"Why was it you broke off the engagement?"

"He had an obsession with sex crimes that took over his life." Jessica replied.

"Ok when did you know he may be involved in the kidnapping of Olivia Benson?" Alex continued.

"I was doing the ironing at home, and I always do it while I watch TV. The news came on and showed the picture, at first I wasn't sure if it was him but when the said people wanted information about him connected to the disappearance of a Special Victims Detective I knew that it was more than likely him."

"Ok so what did you do then?" Alex asked.

"I called the tip line and I spoke with Detective Tutuola and he asked me if I could go to the precinct to talk with them."

"Did you?"

"Yes, but before I did I found a picture of Toby and wrote a list of all his properties for the detectives."

"Why did you make a list of the properties he owned?"

"Because I knew they'd need them in case Toby had taken her to one of them."

"Ok so when you were at the precinct what did you do?"

"I was questioned by Detectives Tutuola and Munch and I gave them all the information I had and they said they may be in touch for more information or with questions."

"No more questions." Alex smiled and went to sit down.

Langan got to his feet with a sly smile on his face and Olivia shifted uncomfortably in her seat afraid for the young woman sat in the box.

"Jessica isn't it true that my client actually broke it off with you?" Langan asked.

"No." Jessica replied.

"My client says that you became clingy and he had enough and that he broke it off with you."

"That's not true." Jessica replied unfazed by the defence tactic.

"Ok when you were in a relationship with my client was he ever violent?"

"Yes once." Jessica replied.

"But you didn't report any violence to the police?"

"No. It was the day I broke it off with him and I just wanted to get away." Jessica replied.

"Ok but you see my Client says you are the one who was violent."

"No."

"You never punched and kicked my client to the point one of his ribs broke?"

"No."

"Defence A your Honour." Langan called picking up a piece of paper. "My clients ER report after he was kicked so hard in the chest one of his ribs broke. He claims his girlfriend kicked him. So you're saying under oath that you did not kick Toby McArthur in the ribs so hard he had a broken rib?"

The girl was crying. Olivia felt so sorry for her because Langan was pushing her and Olivia could see there was something more, her gut instinct told her there was a lot more to this story than Jessica was saying.

"I did. I did kick him so hard that I broke his ribs but I wouldn't have done had he not attacked me first!" Jessica wailed.

"But there aren't any reports to the police or from any hospital saying you had treatment done because of injuries sustained by my client."

"That's because I never went to the police or went to the ER." Jessica replied wiping her tears.

"Right, yet you broke his ribs I fail to see how that would happen if he attacked you."

"He didn't just attack me! He raped me!" Jessica yelled.

The whole court including Langan was stunned into silence.

"I told him I wanted to end things and he got so mad, he pushed me down onto the floor and he raped me, I broke his rib when I was fighting him off!" Jessica added.

"No more questions." Langan told the judge realising that he had unleashed something horrible and that the people would milk it for all it was worth.

"Redirect your honour?" Casey asked jumping to her feet, Donnelly nodded and Casey walked to the witness box.

"When did he rape you Jessica?" Casey asked gently.

"I can't remember the date, but it was the day I broke it off with him back in January." Jessica replied sniffing.

"Was this the first time?"

"Yes."

"No more questions." Casey said before going to sit down.

"You may step down Miss." Donnelly told the girl who couldn't get out of the witness box fast enough.

Olivia saw her heading for the door and climbed from Elliot's grasp and rushed after her.

"We'll break here for lunch, return at one pm." Olivia heard Donnelly say before the door swung shut behind her.

"Jessica wait up!" Olivia called seeing the young woman rush off.

"I'm sorry." She whispered turning to Olivia.

"I just wanted to make sure you are alright." Olivia said gently.

"Yeah I'm fine." Jessica replied wiping her tears. "I'm so sorry for what happened to you, if I'd have reported Toby rapping me then he wouldn't have been able to hurt you."

"Don't ever think that Jessica, none of this is your fault in anyway. Please don't blame yourself. Now did you ever see anyone, talk to someone about what happened to you?" Olivia asked her hand on Jessica's shoulder.

"No, I couldn't speak about it, that ... in there, that was the first time I told anyone about it." Jessica cried.

"Oh Jessica." Olivia closed her eyes feeling so sorry for the young girl in front of her.

"I never could, I just wanted to move on with my life and then ... then he did this to you... I mean I couldn't believe it, when I saw on the news I just knew it was all my fault if I'd have said something sooner then maybe he wouldn't have been able to hurt you." Jessica cried.

Olivia threw her arms around Jessica pulling her into a hug.

"Don't blame yourself for any of this, what happened to you was wrong and the only person that's to blame is Toby and the same for what happened to me, it was in no way your fault Jessica." Olivia said as she stroked the young woman's hair as she sobbed into Olivia's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry." Jessica sobbed.

Olivia could hear people coming behind her and guessed it was her friends and family but she couldn't let Jessica go when she was in this state.

"You need to talk to someone about this Jessica, someone who knows what they are talking about someone who can help you deal with what happened." Olivia stated as she slowly pulled away from Jessica.

"I know, I just never wanted to, I never thought I would have to tell anyone what Toby did to me but that Defence Lawyer would have ripped ever ounce of belief out of my testimony and I couldn't let him do that because Toby has to go to prison for what he did to you." Jessica explained.

Olivia dug in her pocket and found a pile of her business cards.

"This has my number on it, call me, any time day or night if you want to talk. Or if you want me to put you in touch with anyone I can do that too ok? Please don't try and deal with this on your own." Olivia told her as she passed the card to Jessica's shaking hand.

"Thank you Detective." Jessica smiled weakly.

"You're welcome and just call me Olivia." Olivia said giving Jessica's shoulder a light squeeze.

"Ok Olivia, thank you again." Jessica smiled as wiped more of her tears.

"No problem, I guess I should thank you too I mean they may never have found me had it not been for you." Olivia smiled softly.

"I'm glad I could help in some way. Toby is a monster, he deserves to rot in hell for what he did to you Olivia."

"I know." Olivia smiled. "I have somewhere I have to be now but like I said, call me any time day or night if you want to talk ok?"

"Yes, Thanks again."

"No problem." Olivia smiled before turning and going towards where her friends had gathered.

"Is she ok?" Elliot asked putting his arm around Olivia's shoulder.

"Yes, or she will be. I gave her my number, told her to call if she needs someone to talk to." Olivia replied.

"You know, you're amazing." Elliot smiled.

"What? Why?" Olivia asked.

"Because you're here at this trial to send down your rapist and you're trying to help another victim. You're unbelievable."

"Thanks but she's been dealing with this for months on her own, she never told anyone just ran away Elliot. She now feels guilty that if she'd have come forward then maybe he would never have been able to get to me and I don't want her to feel like that, this wasn't her fault in anyway." Olivia explained. "Now I am meeting with Lorna for lunch so I will see you later."

Olivia kissed Elliot before heading off for the side doors out of the building, she was still avoiding the press who had camped out at the front of the courthouse having been banned from entering the building while her trial went on.

**Soooo is everyone still with me, seems like not as many people are interested in this story anymore, am I dragging it out too long? If so I can just skip the rest of the court. Next chapter, lunch with Lorna, more witness testimony. **


	22. 22 Coping

**A/N – So changing tactics after the last feedback, look at the AN on the end for explanation. **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Two – Coping

**Lorenzo's Bistro**

April 8th 12.02 pm

"Hey Olivia." Lorna smiled giving her friend a hug.

"Hey Lor'." Olivia smiled returning the hug before sliding into the booth opposite her friend.

"So come on, how are you?" Lorna asked getting straight into the shrinking.

"I'm well, I'm much better today. It really does get easier everyday." Olivia smiled taking a sip of the cola Lorna had already bought for her.

"Good, I'm glad so how did you cope hearing everything this morning?" Lorna continued, she'd been in the courtroom so she knew everything that had been said.

"I cried, a little, not as much as I had been the couple of days before and having Cragen and Elliot hold my hands makes it easier you know." Olivia replied honestly.

"Good, what upset you most about what you heard today?" Lorna asked.

"Hearing Jessica's testimony." Olivia replied honestly.

"I saw you rush after her, what did you talk about?" Lorna continued, she was eager to know what had happened between Olivia and Jessica.

"She blames herself, for what happened to me and Lorna it's in no way her fault. She kept apologising and telling me had she gone to the police then what happened to me wouldn't have but I told her that it wasn't her fault. Then I gave her my card and told her to call me." Olivia explained.

"That was nice of you." Lorna replied.

"She's a victim Lorna, he raped her, she fought back and they tried to make her look a criminal on the stand. She's hurting, she never told anyone what that monster did to her. I want to help her." Olivia explained.

The waiter had come over to them so they both quickly ordered something light to eat before continuing their conversation.

"Did you find talking to her helped you a little?" Lorna asked.

"I didn't talk with her long enough, the one thing it did do for me was realise I could still do my job." Olivia explained.

"Good, had you reservations about going back to SVU?" Lorna continued, the conversation was flowing naturally and both women had sunk into it.

"Of course I did Lor' I mean who wouldn't but talking to her I saw the empathy I had with her, you know, I knew what she had gone through understood how she felt and realised I could do my job now better than I ever could before." Olivia explained.

"I'm really glad to hear that Olivia." Lorna smiled.

"I was also thinking, maybe I could do a couple of hours on the phones at the Rape Crisis Centre, I found talking to Jessica relaxed me a little about my own experience and so I don't know, maybe I could do more to help victims." Olivia shrugged.

"Sounds very good to me." Lorna smiled as their lunch arrived.

"So when Fin testified, how were you then?" Lorna continued once the waiter had gone.

"It was really strange hearing how they found me for the first time." Olivia answered honestly.

"I bet it was." Lorna replied.

"I was glad he didn't call me a victim." Olivia added.

"I noticed he changed his mind midsentence." Lorna commented.

"Yes, made me realise that he doesn't want to see me as a victim, which was one of the things that worried me about going back." Olivia explained further.

"Ok so what else about his testimony do you remember affecting you?" Lorna asked knowing that it had affected Olivia in some ways.

"Just hearing that McArthur had planned all of it down to the last detail including how he was going to make me get Stockholm syndrome, he knew, he knew I was going to try and escape three times in the first twenty four hours. I mean, it's crazy and it scares me that he knew that, he was prepared for all of it." Olivia explained fresh tears glistening in her eyes.

"I can't imagine what it feels like knowing that Olivia." Lorna replied softly.

"The worst was hearing how the bomb squad was outside while I was being raped, I mean, I know they had to make sure that no one was going to get blown up before they rescued me but it doesn't soften the blow to know they were out there while he attacked me." Olivia explained.

"Who's left to give evidence on your side?" Lorna asked sensing it best to change the subject here.

"Huang, the lab assistant, the doctor who did the rape kit, and some psychiatrist who studied the tape." Olivia explained and Lorna almost choked on the piece of sandwich she'd put in her mouth.

"Something wrong?" Olivia asked seeing her friend's reaction.

"They haven't told you." She said before taking a sip of her drink.

"Haven't told me what?" Olivia asked.

"Who the psychiatrist is who studied the tape." Lorna replied.

"No they haven't why?" Olivia asked.

"I thought you knew." Lorna explained.

"Thought I knew what?" Olivia asked the confusion written all over her face.

"I'm the psychiatrist who studied the tape." Lorna told her looking at the table instead of Olivia.

"Oh." Olivia replied in shock. "Oh, no one told me."

"I'm sorry I really thought you knew." Lorna apologised, she felt awful now.

"No, don't apologise it doesn't make a difference who it was I just wish someone would have told me. I mean, you didn't tell me." Olivia replied slightly angry.

"I really thought you knew Olivia! I wouldn't have watched it or agreed to it if I knew you didn't know." Lorna explained.

"It's alright Lorna, I'm not, I don't, I ... It would have just been easier to talk to you if I knew you watched the tape you know." Olivia explained.

"I guess so." Lorna shrugged feeling seriously guilty.

"Right now, we need to change the subject because you cannot tell me anything Lorna, or we'll both get found in contempt." Olivia whispered.

"Right, I'll talk to you about it all after I've testified." Lorna replied.

"Ok." Olivia nodded unsure what else to say on the matter.

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**Supreme court of New York**

April 8th 1.01 pm

The lab assistant was next to give evidence and Olivia could only watch and hold Elliot and Cragen's hand as he was sworn in.

"Doctor Leo Thompson for how long did you work as the assistant of Doctor Toby McArthur?" Alex asked walking towards the witness box.

"Five years." Thompson replied.

"And in those five years did you ever question his behaviour?"

"No I did not." Thompson replied.

"As an expert witness to the people would you ever say there was something different or slightly mad about Doctor McArthur?"

"No I would not."

"Could you give us a summary of what type of man he is in layman's terms?"

"I can, I would say that Toby McArthur is a clever man, with years of working studying human behaviour he can tell a lot of people's next move before they even know what it was, he could cold read the stoniest of men." Thompson replied.

"Ok, when did Toby McArthur give you the documents and research he had regarding Detective Benson?"

"About three weeks ago."

"Did he say anything to you when he gave it to you?" Alex continued.

"Yes, he said one day it could make us both very rich and very famous." Thompson replied.

"Can you explain what he meant by this?" Alex went on.

"Of course, we're both scientists, he did the research and carried out the experiment, this is a massive experiment which you should know is continuing as we speak." Thompson replied causing everyone in the room to wonder what was going on.

Olivia sat up bolt upright to listen to what he would say next.

"Could you elaborate on that?" Alex asked slowly, she begin just as aware as everyone else in the courtroom.

"Doctor Toby McArthur is still studying Olivia Benson's reactions in the courtroom, have you noticed he spends more time scribbling in the notebook in front of him and looking at her than listening to a word of the evidence being said against him?" Thompson explained.

Olivia looked at Elliot her heart hammering in her chest, she had avoided looking at McArthur but slowly her eyes looked over to him. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat and it sickened Olivia down to the pit of her stomach.

"I need to get out of here." She whispered to Elliot and Cragen.

Elliot looked at Cragen who nodded. They both helped a shaking Olivia to her feet as everyone in the courtroom just watched her go.

"Judge Donnelly can we call for a recess?" Alex asked.

"Recess granted, fifteen minutes." Donnelly replied before turning to Thompson.

"May I remind you that you are under oath, you must not discuss your testimony with anybody do you understand?"

"Yes your honour." He nodded.

"You may step down." Donnelly smiled gently then turned back to the court. "We will resume this in fifteen minutes time." She banged the gavel and got to her feet to leave quickly.

Meanwhile in the corridor Olivia stood in Elliot's arms shaking with wracked sobs.

"I can't be in there anymore, I can't, not knowing that he's studying me!" Olivia cried.

"You don't have to go back in there Olivia, if you don't want to we won't go back in there." Elliot whispered.

"I want you to go, I want to know what testimony is given but I can't be in there Elliot, not knowing he's watching me." Olivia explained.

"Ok, I can go back in if you want." Elliot replied just as Alex and Casey came through the door.

"We called a recess, Olivia are you ok?" Alex asked.

"I'm not coming back in there." Olivia told her as she wiped away her tears.

"That's absolutely fine Olivia, we're not expecting you to. Actually, might be better off if you don't." Alex explained.

"Good, Elliot can you take me home please?" She asked just needing to get away.

"Of course I can." Elliot replied. "I'll be back, she still wants to know what happens." He said turning to Alex and Casey.

"Ok, I'll call you later Olivia ok? Don't worry he'll never win this case." Casey smiled gently at her friend.

"I know, I trust you." She replied shakily.

"I'll come with you, I have had enough of listening to everything in there." Cragen replied.

"Ok let's go." Elliot nodded and they headed off together.

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**Benson-Stabler apartment **

April 8th 2.47 pm

Elliot dropped Olivia and Cragen off at the apartment and with Olivia's instructions of telling her everything, headed back to court. Olivia took Cragen up in the elevator and once inside the apartment he could only watch with a heavy heart as she locked and double checked the locks before going into the kitchen and closing the curtains, she was still so paranoid that someone would be watching her.

"Coffee?" She asked.

"Please." He nodded as he tried to hide how much he wanted to cry.

She made them both a coffee and they headed into the living room. Olivia curled up in one of the armchairs and Cragen took the couch.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" Cragen asked her.

"Wow why does everyone always ask that?" She laughed.

"Easiest thing to ask I guess." Cragen replied with a gentle smile.

"I guess, I'm fine Pa' I really am I'm healing both physically and mentally." She replied.

"I'm pleased to hear." Cragen replied.

"I was talking to Lorna at lunch, found out she was the second psych to give evidence, how come I didn't know about that?" Olivia asked him.

"I don't know Olivia, I knew, I thought you did to." He replied honestly.

"Casey nor Alex told me, neither did Lorna I mean, she watched the tape, not only watched it but she's studied it to give testimony and she's my therapist, how could anyone not think of telling me?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know Olivia, maybe that's a better question for them?" He suggested.

"I asked Lorna at lunch, she swore that she thought I knew already." Olivia replied.

"Then ask Alex and Casey, they're the one who should know why you didn't know." Cragen replied.

"Ok." Olivia nodded rubbing her lips against each other awkwardly. "I know I want to come back to work." She said after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Don't rush into it Olivia." Cragen replied.

"No I mean, I don't know when, I will need sometime but I know I want to." Olivia explained.

"Ok." Cragen nodded thinking there was no way she could be possibly sure yet.

"After speaking with Jessica this morning, I knew I wanted to come back and continue to help victims, the only difference will be that I can empathise with them now, know how they're feeling better." Olivia explained further.

"Ok." He nodded still unsure if she would ever be able to come back to the job.

"I'm going to go and volunteer in the rape trauma centre before coming back though, might be an idea to get some practice in talking with victims before I come back, just to get the feel of it again." Olivia replied knowing he wasn't sure of what to say to her.

"That's a great idea Olivia." He replied feeling proud of her.

"Best thing I could do really, I mean, if I can't handle it then I know to turn in transfer papers and go somewhere else then and if I find I can handle it and I still want to do it then I come back to SVU as if nothing ever happened." Olivia explained further.

"I'm glad you've thought about not coming back, I mean, if you can't do it you know you have other options." Cragen replied.

"Yup, I thought long and hard, I fancy homicide, no live victims there, or computer crimes where there are no victims at all." Olivia told him.

It broke his heart hearing that Olivia had been thinking about going somewhere else within the force, he wanted badly for her to go back to special victims but he also knew there was a chance she'd never be able to handle live victims again.

"I'm pleased you have considered other options." He lied.

"Pa' ..." Olivia started making him look at her. "Do you think there's any chance that McArthur will get not guilty by reason of insanity?"

"I don't think there's any chance in the world of that happening, Casey and Alex's case is bullet proof Olivia, that Thompson is an expert witness then there's Huang and Lorna, I mean, I really think he's going to go down for a very long time Olivia." Cragen replied honestly this time, his eyes connecting with hers which had filled up with fresh tears.

"I just need him to be sent away for this." She explained her asking.

"He will be." Cragen replied. "How are things here for you Olivia?"

"I don't know, I told Elliot I want to move, we were planning it anyway but I don't feel safe here anymore." Olivia replied, that hadn't been what Cragen meant but he went with it anyway.

"Oh where are you looking to move too?"

"Anywhere, just another apartment, probably bigger than this one for his kids to be able to stay but I don't want to leave the city just this apartment." Olivia explained.

"Oh how does Elliot feel about that?" Cragen asked.

"He's perfectly fine with it, he'd planned on asking me to move out of here with him after the trial anyway, he's the same, this place isn't home anymore, knowing McArthur broke in and ... well you know the rest." Olivia sighed heavily, it never got any easier to talk about what happened to her.

"How is everything with you and Elliot?" Cragen asked deciding not to dance around what he had been trying to ask.

"Perfect, I mean, I know he's upset and he's trying to deal with this too but he's my rock, I think I'd have eaten a gun if I didn't have him Pa, he's my everything." Olivia explained more tears in her eyes.

"I'm glad." Cragen replied with a smile, he had been worrying about their relationship suffering because of what had happened.

**Ok so Olivia isn't going to court anymore and so you're all just going to get a summary that Elliot gives her and BTW SMUT on the way, just a little because of obvious reasons.**


	23. 23 Recalling

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**Just a note – I know I use a lot of British words, I am sorry I do try not to but I can't help it when I actually don't know that the words aren't used in American English only British English so you'll have to bare with me on that. Secondly calling Cragen Pa was a mistake, I am trying to write five stories all at once and forget what she's calling him in what stories, I won't make that mistake again in this story! Apologies to all! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Three – Recalling

**OBGYN's office **

April 9th 9.36 am

"You should have gone to court Elliot, I'll be fine." Olivia said as she bounced her legs nervously waiting to be called to see the OBGYN.

"No, come on Olivia, yesterday they said he wasn't mad and that's what Huang is going to do today too, there's no need to sit there and listen to Huang talk psycho babble to know what he's going to say." Elliot replied before pressing Olivia's hand to his own.

"Olivia Benson?" A nurse called and Olivia stood up.

Together they walked into the doctor's office, Olivia shaking nervously.

"Hi if you'd like to change into this gown and then hop up onto the table the doctor will be with you shortly." The nurse explained handing Olivia thing gown.

"Thanks." Olivia faked a smile as the nurse left and then quickly changed, not caring about Elliot seeing her in her bra.

Once the gown was on she took of her panties and sat on the table, her legs crossed firmly. She eyes the stirrups nervously knowing that her legs would be in them shortly and she'd have a doctor examining her injuries.

"Want me to hold your hand?" Elliot asked and Olivia just nodded.

He held it and gave it a little squeeze just as the doctor came in.

"Hello Ms Benson I'm Doctor Lloyd, how are we this morning?" She asked cheerily.

"I'm fine thank you." Olivia replied her voice shaking with nerves.

"Ok, now if you just put your legs in the stirrups, lie back and try and relax for me." The doctor said as she pulled on latex gloves.

Olivia spun herself round and slowly separated her legs putting them into the stirrups before lying back on the table. Elliot pressed her hand to his mouth and then stroked the back of her hand with his thumb trying to help her relax. She looked at him rather than the doctor now sat at the foot of the table.

"Now, I'm just going to see how everything is healing ok Ms Benson?" She asked.

"Yeah fine." Olivia mumbled just wanting it to be over.

She felt the doctor touching her most privet area and she winced in pain as the doctor inserted the speculum.

"Shh baby, shh." Elliot cooed seeing the tears in Olivia's eyes.

Everything was flooding back to her mind, the assault, the rape, the rape kit. She couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

It took nearly five minutes before Olivia felt the speculum being removed and she let out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding.

"Ok you can sit up now Ms Benson." The doctor smiled gently.

With Elliot's help she got up to sitting and crossed her ankles tight as she waited for the doctor to talk to her.

"Everything seems to be healing just right, if you continue to use the anti-inflammatory cream, don't use bubble bath or shower gel or anything down there, just warm water and no sex and you should be perfectly back to normal in about three to four weeks, I will want to see you again in two weeks just to make sure everything is still going right." Doctor Lloyd smiled gently.

"Brilliant." Olivia replied unenthusiastically.

"Ok well I'll let you get changed, if you just go to the front desk and make an appointment and I'll see you in two weeks." Doctor Lloyd smiled getting off the stool.

"Thanks." Olivia replied and she watched as the doctor left. "I'm sure she did more damage with that blasted thing, I mean I swear I could feel all the stitches opening." Olivia spat angrily, she always got angry if she was hurting physically.

"Oh come on she had to do her job Liv." Elliot sighed as Olivia began to change.

"I know that El, they just get so rough sometimes." Olivia explained.

"These are the times I thank the Lord I'm a man." Elliot said making her laugh.

"These are the days I wish I was man." Olivia replied laughing and Elliot laughed too.

"Come on let's go and make another appointment with the big bad doctor." He smiled

Olivia leant up and captured him in a kiss. He held around her back and kiss back, their lips crashing into each other. When they finally broke apart they both smiled and looked into each other's eyes.

"What was that for?" Elliot asked.

"For just being you Elliot. I love you." She smiled at him.

"I love you too. Come on let's go." He smiled taking her hand in his own and heading out the door.

"We should go out for lunch and then this afternoon I want to go to court."

"Liv..."

"Don't begin arguing with me, I want to hear what Lorna has to say about the tapes and I need to be there Elliot, the last thing I want is to make Toby McArthur's experiment work, he thinks I'm gone, he probably thinks I'm not going back, well let's mess up his experiment by going back." Olivia smiled gently.

"Ok if that's what you want." He smiled and kissed her forehead before she made an appointment to see the OBGYN again in two weeks time.

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**Mario's Bistro**

April 9th 11.47 am

Olivia and Elliot sat opposite each other holding hands across the table. They both ordered quickly and sat for a while just looking into each other's eyes. They saw nothing but love from each other and they could only smile at this. Their lunch was placed in front of them and as they ate they began to talk.

"I don't think Cragen thinks I'm coming back, either that or he doesn't want me back." Olivia told Elliot.

"Of course he wants you back Liv, what makes you think he doesn't?" Elliot asked.

"I told him I knew I wanted to come back and he told me not to rush it and then he said he was glad I considered other options." Olivia explained.

"That doesn't mean he doesn't want you back Olivia, he just means that he understands u may not be able to come back to SVU, we all want you back but if you can't do it then we all would understand." Elliot replied.

"Would you understand if I decided I couldn't come back?" Olivia questioned.

"Of course I would Liv, I would understand and I'd support you if you decided not to come back." Elliot replied reaching over and taking her hand again and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"El I'm determined to come back you know." She told him.

"I know you are." Elliot replied.

"Good, if I can't then I can't but I'm going to try. I talked to Lorna about volunteering on the phone for the rape crisis centre and she's put me in touch with a woman there, I'm going to do a week full time on the phones before coming back to work and then just do a few hours here and there." Olivia explained.

"Good idea Liv." Elliot smiled, he couldn't help but feel so proud of her.

"Thanks." She smiled gently. "I'm so glad you're here El."

"Where else would I be?" He asked confused.

"I don't know, I mean, I got scared you wouldn't want me after everything that happened." She told him with fresh tears glistening in her eyes.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with you Liv, I'd die for you, just because this happened, it doesn't change how I feel about you in anyway, I love you Liv, my love for you is just ... indescribable, that's what it is, indescribable, I would never ever be able to leave you. Even if you pushed me away and told you that you didn't love me anymore, I still couldn't leave you." He told her making the tears in her eyes flush down her cheeks.

"I love you too Elliot, God more than you'll ever know." She told him as she tried to wipe away her tears.

"Good, I don't ever want you to doubt how much I love you Olivia, because I don't doubt my love for you one bit." He told her firmly.

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**Supreme Court of New York**

April 9th 1.59 pm

Elliot and Olivia arrived at the court just as it was starting after the lunch break. They took their seats beside Cragen and the Chief of Police and got ready for the afternoon's events.

"The people call Doctor Lorna McGuire." Alex said and Olivia took a shaky breath as she watched Lorna get into the witness stand and be sworn in.

"Doctor McGuire you studied the twenty hour footage that was taken while Detective Benson was held captive did you not?" Alex began.

"I did." Lorna replied.

"Could you please tell the court what you learnt watching the footage?" Alex asked and she knew that this was going to be a long explanation of what happened.

"Certainly, I began analysing the footage when Toby McArthur first enters the room, he's bringing her lunch, he's showing her kindness, which after hitting her is strange however when Brainwashing someone you threaten them, threaten their life and then show an act of kindness, it's easiest way of making someone comply with you without hating you. Then Olivia attacks him in self defence and he gets angry with her, hurts her then when she cries, he pulls her into an embrace and shows more kindness. She later pulls away from him, this shows she knows that he is a threat, they then eat together and he reveals himself, takes of the ski mask and shows his face to her, she asks for his name and he tells her, Toby, that's him trying to build a connection to her, giving her his name showing himself. Then if we move on to after they have eaten he places his hand on her cheek and strokes her and he apologises for hurting her cheek and she tells him that it's ok and he attacks her again, punching her so hard he knocks her out and this is him exerting fear, he wants her to fear him and fear what she could do to him. They are just a few of the early signs that he is brainwashing her and it continues throughout, when he bathes her, you can see from the footage that she trusts him a little, she relaxes into his touch when he's washing her hair. The truth is had she been there a few more hours he could have placed her into full blown Stockholm syndrome easily." Lorna explained and Olivia had to wipe away the tears that were falling down her cheeks, she knew what Lorna said was true and it killed her to hear that she had built up some form of relationship with Toby when he had bathed her, she had relaxed, she almost enjoyed it and it sickened her.

"No more questions." Alex smiled before going to sit down.

"Doctor you are the therapist treating ..."

"Objection! Privilege!" Alex yelled.

"I just want to know if the information Doctor McGuire has given the court is based solely on the tape or on her conversation with the victim!" Langan called back.

"Approach!" Donnelly called having Alex and Casey as well as Langan approach the judge's bench.

"Lorna McGuire is the therapist of Detective Benson but anything they have discussed falls under privilege, if he has any questions regarding the therapy sessions the defence must recall Detective Benson!" Casey hissed.

"Fine we'll do that then." Langan replied.

"You're really going to traumatise her further?" Alex spat.

"I have no option, I have to defend my client to the best of my abilities." Langan smirked.

"Step back councillors. Sustained." Donnelly told the court.

"We have no more questions for this witness." Langan stated sitting down.

"The people rest your honour!" Casey called.

"Fine, Defence call your first witness!" Donnelly stated.

"The defence would like to begin by recalling Detective Olivia Benson." Langan called.

Olivia froze. Her heart hammered inside her chest as she clutched to Elliot and Cragen tightly. She knew she would have to move as neither Casey nor Alex had objected and slowly she got to her feet. She swallowed hard as she made her way trembling to the box.

"I remind you of the oath you made Detective." Donnelly told her and she nodded weakly as Langan approached.

"Detective Benson were you at any time aware that you were brainwashed?" Langan asked.

"While I was held captive or after my rescue?" She asked back.

"While you were held captive." Langan asked.

"I was, at one point, when he was washing my hair I knew what was happening to me, the words Stockholm syndrome were in my mind but there was nothing I could do to stop it happening." Olivia replied honestly.

"When you were rescued how was it then?" Langan asked.

"It took a while for me to see Toby McArthur as the monster he is, I cared about him, took the help of Doctor George Huang and Doctor Lorna McGuire to help me see that he is a monster." Olivia answered shakily.

"So you don't care for him anymore?" Langan asked.

"No."

"Not at all?"

"NO!" Olivia snapped.

"Detective..." Donnelly warned seeing Olivia's temper rising.

"No I do not care for the man who raped and beat me." Olivia spat.

"So you have discussed being brainwashed with Lorna McGuire?" Langan continued.

"Do I have to answer that? I mean what I discuss with my therapist isn't the concern of the court." Olivia asked turning to Donnelly.

"No you do not have to answer that as it still privileged information." Donnelly explained. "You can if you want but as it is something you discussed with your therapist you can refuse under privilege."

"Then I have nothing to say on that matter, what I discuss with Lorna McGuire is between me and her and the four walls of the therapy room. Sorry." She told Langan.

"No more questions." Trevor Langan sighed having had enough of trying to get Olivia to open up to him.

"People have no questions for this witness your honour." Alex told the court.

"You may step down." Donnelly told her and Olivia rushed out of the witness stand as quickly as she could rushing into Elliot's waiting arms.

"We'll call it a day here." Donnelly called. "Court will resume at nine am sharp, bailiffs remind the jury that they are not to discuss anything with anyone." Donnelly said and everyone got to their feet as she left the bench.

"Let's go home." Olivia told Elliot desperate to get out of the courtroom.

**Changed my mind about any smut, it's way too soon, but I put in a bit of fluff to make up for it. **

**Not much to go now, I'm not covering the defence witnesses and so the next day is going to be Olivia and Lorna. **


	24. 24 Believing

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**Just a note – I know I use a lot of British words, I am sorry I do try not to but I can't help it when I actually don't know that the words aren't used in American English only British English so you'll have to bare with me on that. Secondly calling Cragen Pa was a mistake, I am trying to write five stories all at once and forget what she's calling him in what stories, I won't make that mistake again in this story! Apologies to all! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Four – Believing

**Rape Trauma Syndrome Help Centre**

April 10th 9.03 am

"How are you today Olivia?" Lorna asked her notebook in her lap as she stared at the brunette in front of her.

"Tired and drained." Olivia replied.

"How come?" Lorna asked.

"I was up most of the night with nightmares." Olivia answered honestly.

"What were the nightmares?" Lorna asked.

"It was the same as always, McArthur killing everyone when they arrived to rescue me meaning I never would get out." Olivia replied, she'd been having the same nightmare ever since she'd left the room.

"Ok, why do you feel so drained?" Lorna asked.

"I'm drained because I'm tired." Olivia explained.

"Ok, why don't you tell me how you felt when you were recalled as a witness by the defence?" Lorna moved on.

"I didn't get it, I'm just so relieved Donnelly said I didn't have to tell him things I discussed with you otherwise he'd have had me saying everything we talked about in the stand and I could never do it." Olivia explained.

"That's understandable Olivia, how were you feeling though, when you were recalled?" Lorna asked.

"I was panicking, I really thought I was going to have a panic attack, my heart hammered inside my chest and I couldn't breathe and I was shaking so much." Olivia explained.

"Ok. That's understandable Olivia, you weren't expecting it so it was a shock too." Lorna explained.

"Yeah exactly." Olivia replied shrugging.

"Ok so tell me what you did when you went home last night." Lorna smiled gently.

"I had a bath, then Elliot cooked for me and we cuddled up on the couch and watched the TV." Olivia replied.

"What did you talk about?" Lorna continued.

"About moving out, we're looking for a new apartment." Olivia explained.

"Ok, anything else?"

"The verdict." Olivia replied.

"What were you talking about when discussing the verdict?" Lorna continued.

"I was telling Elliot I was scared he was going to get not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect." Olivia explained.

"Why are you scared of that happening?" Lorna asked.

"Because all he has to do then is go to a mental hospital get sane and he's out again." Olivia explained.

"So you're scared he'll be a free man again?"

"I'm terrified that he'll be out on the streets again, I mean, just knowing he's in Rickers while the trial is going on makes me feel a little safer on the street you know but if he ever got out I'd be so terrified of him coming after me again." Olivia explained tears prickling her eyes.

"You're that scared of him?"

"Petrified." Olivia replied honestly as she wiped an escaped tear.

"That's normal Olivia. Fear is a natural response."

"I know." Olivia nodded.

"Ok now you said today you wanted a go on the phone's are you ready to start preparing for that with me now so we can both go down later?" Lorna asked.

"Yes, yes definitely." Olivia replied having in some sense been looking forward to volunteering on the phones at the centre.

"Ok well I'm going to keep this brief because I know that you know what you're doing when it comes to talking to victims. So, when you answer the phone say hello my names Olivia and then just let them talk, some may be calling because they had a nightmare or flashbacks others call because maybe they're going to court and they're feeling apprehensive and so on." Lorna told her.

"Ok I got it, Hello my name's Olivia and just listen."

"If you think you need to say something or ask questions, you can that's entirely up to you." Lorna smiled gently.

"Ok." Olivia replied nodding her head.

"Well w can go down stairs now and then I'll stay with you for your first call if you want then I'll go off and do my own, if at any time it gets too much because it often does, don't feel bad about having to take a break from the phones." Lorna added as she got to her feet.

"Right." Olivia nodded just wanting to get on with it.

Olivia followed Lorna, down the stairs and they entered a room full of desks. There were five women sat at separate desks leaving many desks empty, Lorna took Olivia to the furthest corner the most empty place so that she could have some privacy to get used to answering the phones. She flicked a button to activate the phone as Olivia sat in the leather chair.

"Once it rings, go. There's a notebook and pen there and if you want to take notes so you can keep up with whatever they say." Lorna smiled.

"Ok. Lorna can you leave me to get on with it, having you listen over my shoulder is just going to make me more nervous." Olivia smiled back.

"Ok, I'll be at a desk over there. Come get me if you want anything." Lorna replied before walking off.

Olivia watched her go and took a deep breath as the phone began to ring.

"Hi my name's Olivia." Olivia answered it.

_I'm Katie._ The voice answered.

"Hi Katie are you ok?" Olivia said softly trying to make sure she sounded gentle.

_Yes I just ... I don't know how to explain what happened._ Katie croaked.

"Ok Katie, just take your time alright?" Olivia spoke gently, her voice soft and kind.

_I was ... I was in town and I was getting on a bus ..._ Katie began to cry and Olivia could only listen as she tried to gather herself to tell Olivia what happened.

_I smelt ... The smell of Cologne ... the cologne that my uncle wore ... I couldn't breathe Olivia, my head started spinning and I felt like I was being closed in! What happened?_ Katie sobbed down the phone.

"Ok Katie?"

Yeah? Katie sniffed.

"What happened was you had a panic attack, smells can trigger memory, it's completely normal for someone who's been through trauma Katie." Olivia replied as gently as she could.

_Ok. What do I do if it happens again? I mean, they almost called an ambulance one woman thought I was having a heart attack!_

"The best thing to do it to get into some open space and focus on your breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth and even though it's tough and believe me I understand and know at that moment your panicking even more because you can't breath but you need to count each breath, in for five and out for five."

_Ok, open space, breath, in through the nose for five and out through the mouth for five. Katie replied sounding more relieved. _

"Do you want to try it with me now?" Olivia asked knowing practising helped her.

_Yeah ok. _

"Ok, ready, breath in through the nose for one two three four five, and out through the mouth two three four five and again in two three four five and out two three four five. Good job Katie." Olivia could hear Katie breathing through the phone.

_Thank you so much Olivia, I think I'll be ok if it happens again! Katie sounded relieved and Olivia could only smile. _

"Good I'm glad to hear it but if you need to talk again remember to call back." Olivia replied.

_I will thank you Olivia. _

"You're welcome Katie. Bye."

_Bye. _

Olivia sat back in her chair and smiled gently. She'd just helped someone and she felt really good about that, she glanced over at Lorna who was making coffee in the corner.

When the phone began to ring again Olivia didn't hesitate before answering.

"Hello, my name's Olivia." She answered.

_Hi, my name's Elizabeth. _

"Hi Elizabeth are you ok?" Olivia replied her voice still soft, gentle and caring.

_No ... Elizabeth broke out in wracked sobs. _

"Ok, just take your time Elizabeth ok? There's no hurry." Olivia cooed gently.

_I can't get him out of my head! I was in the grocery store and I saw someone who looked just like him and I ... I could feel it happening again! Elizabeth sobbed. _

"Ok Elizabeth and where are you now?" Olivia asked.

_Home, I just ran from there and I couldn't ... I didn't know what to do I could feel his hands all over me and his tongue and I panicked so I just ran!_

"Ok Elizabeth take deep breaths for me sweetheart, your safe now, and I'm not going off this phone until you want me to ok?" Olivia was desperate to calm the young woman on the other side, she could tell that the woman was barely a woman, late teens early twenties at the most.

_Ok_. She hiccupped.

Olivia waited patiently for the sobbing to subside.

_I just can't get him out of my head Olivia. I want it to be over, I want him out of my head!_

"Elizabeth, it's tough I know. When did it happen?" Olivia felt a desperate need to help her.

_He started when I was twelve and then it carried on till I was sixteen and then he said I was too old for him._ Elizabeth hiccupped.

"Who was it Elizabeth?" Olivia asked sensing that the person had a prominent place in Elizabeth's life.

_My uncle George. He used to look after us when my Mom had to work after school._

"Elizabeth did you ever tell your Mom what happened?" Olivia asked softly, knowing that she had to tread very carefully.

_No! I didn't know how to tell her! He hurt my little sister Brianna too! Neither one of us can tell her!_

"Ok do you talk to Brianna about it?" Olivia ask.

_Yeah, when we have a nightmare or flashback we call each other._

"Have you ever thought about going to tell your Mom together, might be easier with the two of you together." Olivia suggested.

_I don't know we never really talked about telling her. _

"It might be an idea, having some support can really make a difference. I know it does for me." Olivia replied without thinking.

_It helps you?_ Elizabeth asked and Olivia realised she had just personalised the conversation but rather than kicking herself she decided to use it to her advantage.

"It sure does. Having people I love know means when I have a flashback or panic attack I can tell them about it, talk to them and have them understand a little bit." Olivia explained.

_I never thought about it like that_. Elizabeth replied.

"My boyfriend is my rock, he understands, he's been there every step of the way and I'm sure if you told your Mom she'd do the same for you and Brianna."

_Thank you Olivia! I think I'm going to go call Brianna so we can plan to tell my Mom._

"I'm glad to hear it Elizabeth and remember if you need more advice someone is always on the other end of the phone here ok?" Olivia smiled gently.

_Absolutely thanks again Olivia bye._

"Bye."

Olivia hung up just as Lorna brought her a steaming mug of Coffee.

"How's it going?" She asked as she sat in the seat beside the desk.

"Better than I thought it would, I personalised that last conversation which I didn't want to do but it seemed to help her a great deal so I don't mind." Olivia replied smiling.

"Good, most of the women who work here have experienced some form of assault or rape Olivia, they personalise the calls all the time because it helps the person on the other side more to know they're talking with someone who truly knows how they feel." Lorna explained.

"I know that but I can't rely on personalising the conversations with my job, I need to get used to talking to vics without making them personal." Olivia replied sighing.

"When someone first reports to you, that first statement, you'll be professional but after that when they need advise with going to court and so on, knowing that you can really know how they feel will help them Olivia, don't let it cloud your judgement that you always have to be professional because you don't. Let there be some personalisation and you'll soon see that you help them more and more." Lorna smiled.

"Thanks Lor'." Olivia smiled back, she knew her friend was telling her the truth and as the phone began to ring she gave Lorna one last smile before picking it up.

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**Rape Trauma Syndrome Help Centre **

April 10th 12.06 pm

Olivia had just hung up the phone when her cell phone began to ring. She saw the caller ID to be Elliot and knew it would have something to do with the trial.

"Hey El." She answered.

"Hi Baby, listen testimony is all done, they've broken for lunch then closing arguments." Elliot explained.

"Ok I'm on my way now." Olivia replied.

"Ok baby I'll see you soon." Elliot smiled before hanging up.

Olivia flicked the switch to deactivate the phone she was working on and looked over to Lorna who was doing the same.

"Lunch then closing." Olivia explained to her.

"Then come on, let's go grab something to eat and go to court." Lorna smiled knowing that Olivia would need a full stomach to sit in court for the rest of the afternoon.

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**Lorenzo's Bistro**

April 10th 12.22 pm

Olivia and Lorna ordered quickly and sat in their usual booth with their drinks.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" Lorna asked turning back into her friends shrink.

"Terrified." Olivia replied.

"What's making you feel so terrified?" Lorna asked.

"Knowing that once they finish closing arguments the Jury is going to decide whether or not Toby McArthur is mentally ill and that what he did to me was just because he was sick or if he's going to rot away in prison for a very long time." Olivia explained.

"I can't imagine what it's like to have his fate in the hands of the jury." Lorna replied honestly.

"I never thought about it before, when I've been in court with victims, I never thought how they felt when the jury went out." Olivia explained.

"I don't see why someone would think about it to be honest." Lorna smiled. "But now, when you go back to work and you go to court with a victim, you'll know how they're feeling throughout and I think that will help you understand their thoughts and worries even more. I think all of this is going to make you a better cop all round." Lorna replied.

"I hope so, but I am worried that the first time I get called on a case or have to sit in on a rape kit I'm going to flash back and be unable to hold it all together." Olivia sighed.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it Olivia, I can't tell you that it won't happen but I can't say it will either. We'll just have to wait and see." Lorna explained.

"I know, I just wish I had all the answers you know." Olivia laughed gently. "If only."

**Next Chapter, Closing arguments ... who would like to see inside the jury room and hear some deliberation?**


	25. 25 Closing

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**Just a note – I know I use a lot of British words, I am sorry I do try not to but I can't help it when I actually don't know that the words aren't used in American English only British English so you'll have to bare with me on that. Secondly calling Cragen Pa was a mistake, I am trying to write five stories all at once and forget what she's calling him in what stories, I won't make that mistake again in this story! Apologies to all! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Five – Closing

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 10th 1.36 pm

Olivia and Lorna walked into the courthouse and found Elliot, Cragen, Chief Dodson waiting outside the courtroom doors.

"Liv." Elliot smiled wrapping her up in an embrace.

"Hey baby." She smiled. "What stunts did the defence pull?"

"They showed the footage that had been cut out of the one the people showed, him bathing you, eating together and all that. Their psychiatrist testimony was ripped to shreds by Alex though, you should have seen her Liv she was amazing." Elliot smiled he was glad to be able to give Olivia some good news.

"I'm glad. Should we go inside?" She asked having already mentally prepared herself for the closing arguments.

"Let's go." Elliot smiled clasping her shaking hand in his own.

They all went to their usual bench right behind the people's table. Lorna joined them this time, sitting beside Elliot who seemed to appreciate having her there to support Olivia.

"Please rise!" A bailiff called making everyone stand up. "The honourable judge Elizabeth Donnelly presiding, court is now in session."

"Please sit." Donnelly said once she had take her own seat.

The whole room sat down silently.

"People you may begin closing." Donnelly said nodding her head towards the peoples table making Alex stand up.

Everyone watched as Alex walked to the Jury. Olivia was shaking with nerves waiting to hear what arguments both sides were going to make.

"You've seen what happened. You got to witness the attack made by Toby McArthur on Olivia. It was horrifying with everyone in the courtroom unable to speak for minutes afterwards. That man isn't sick. You've heard testimony from psychiatrists, two who have both said that the defendant knew exactly what he was doing when he brainwashed Olivia Benson into caring about him. He didn't just hurt her physically when he beat and raped her. He hurt her emotionally too. Don't give him the opportunity to do something like this again. Do the right thing for Olivia Bensons and find the defendant Guilty of all charges." Alex stayed and eyed the jury for a moment before going to sit down with Casey as Trevor Langan got to his feet.

"Nobody is denying that what Olivia Benson when through was horrific. Nobody says it's ok. However, don't make this man suffer in prison when he needs psychological help. You heard a psychiatrist say that when a person study's something and fixates upon something in the way Toby McArthur did then it's easy enough to become deluded that to perform his research would be ok. Don't make this man suffer in a cell when he's suffering in a prison that it is his mind. Do the right thing by everyone and find him not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect." Langan went to sit down as Casey got to her feet.

"The right thing by everyone? The right thing by everyone would be to make sure that the defendant is locked away for the rest of his life. The psychiatrist that told you Toby McArthur may be delusional also said that there is no way to prove that he was delusional, and that he is a very clever scientist who could easily fake the delusions to make people think he was sick. But let's not forget why we are here, we are here to fight to get justice for Olivia Benson. Her world was turned upside down when she was kidnapped at gun point, beaten repeatedly and raped by that vicious animal. He may have been conducting an experiment but did he ever consider the long term implications for the victim? She may not be able to go back to the job she loved because of what he did. She may never be able to trust people in the way she did because of that man. When you're deliberating whether to have him sent to prison or sent to a mental hospital think about that woman, think of Olivia Benson and the trauma she had inflicted upon her, think of how she will feel if you come back with the wrong verdict. Don't make her suffer any longer and find him Guilty!"

Langan was up on his feet in seconds and rushing back to the jury stand.

"What about Justice? Locking Toby McArthur away isn't justice! That man needs help and it's help he won't get if he is locked away in a prison. Don't make the mistake that could cost that man the little that's left of his sanity and find him not guilty by reason of insanity."

Langan went back to his seat visibly flustered and Alex stood once again.

"The people rest your honour." She smiled gently.

"The defence rests." Langan sighed.

Olivia was lost in her own mind while the jury was dismissed to begin deliberating. She was scared, worried, anxious that this wouldn't go her way and she was terrified that he would be headed to a mental hospital rather than prison like the animal he was.

She felt Elliot tug on her arm and realised they were all leaving the courtroom.

"Olivia, come to the office, we don't think the jury will be out long on this one." Alex smiled softly.

Olivia nodded, vaguely taking in everything that was going on around her.

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**Jury room**

April 10th 2.49 pm

"Right come on everyone, let's put our preliminary thoughts down and see what we have." Madam Foreperson said to the people around the table.

Everyone wrote what they thought on a piece of paper and handed it forward.

"Ok so we have ... Guilty, Not guilty by insanity, Not Guilty by insanity, Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, not guilty by insanity, not guilty by insanity, guilty, not guilty by insanity, not guilty by insanity, guilty."

"Really? Come on people that man isn't insane and should be locked up for all eternity for what he did." One man almost yelled.

"Hey! You saw the two tapes, the second one, he bathed her, ate with her and looked after her does that sound like a man who should go to prison to you?" A woman retorted.

"Forget the second tape and think of the first, what that poor woman had to go through? She was there for twenty hours having that monster play mind tricks with her!" The foreperson called back.

"We're split straight down the middle." One woman chipped in.

"Yes and we are not leaving this room till we are all agreed on the verdict." Foreperson sighed.

"This is ridiculous, he isn't denying what he did and the attack, we had to watch that attack and some of you are still ok with sending him to a hospital? Come on the man is sick but he doesn't deserve to be put in a hospital he should be in a cage like the animal he is." One man said firmly.

"I think you're right. He is sick and that's why he should be in a mental institution." A woman sighed.

"This is a joke, he's sick in the head yes but look at what he did to that poor cop, she's going through a living nightmare because of him, think about all the therapy she has to deal with, imagine the nightmares she's having every night because of him? And she isn't the only one who's suffering because of Toby McArthur, her fiancé, her captain, her co-workers, don't tell me you didn't notice a very high up police person sat with them through the trial?" The foreperson replied.

"Can we take another vote?"

"Ok."

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**Supreme court of New York**

April 10th 4.29 pm

Everyone was sat in a stony silence. The tension around the room couldn't have been split with a knife. Each and every one of them was lost in their own thoughts as they patiently waited to hear anything. When Casey's phone rang everyone jumped out of their thoughts.

"Hello?" She answered, all eyes in the room was on her. "Thank you."

She hung up the phone and took a shaky breath.

"The jury's back."

**Dun dun dun! Wait for the next chap people!**


	26. 26 Revealing

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**Just a note – I know I use a lot of British words, I am sorry I do try not to but I can't help it when I actually don't know that the words aren't used in American English only British English so you'll have to bare with me on that. Secondly calling Cragen Pa was a mistake, I am trying to write five stories all at once and forget what she's calling him in what stories, I won't make that mistake again in this story! Apologies to all! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Six – Revealing

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 10th 4.43 pm

Olivia couldn't hide how much she was trembling as they slowly made their way to the courtroom. She clung onto Elliot's hand as he supported her walk. Everyone was in their own thoughts but they all revolved around the verdict. Had the jury found him Guilty or Not Guilty by reason of mental disease or defect?

As they entered the courtroom everyone watched Olivia. They all were behind her, they all wanted the monster that was Toby McArthur to be locked away for a very long time so he couldn't do what he had done to her to anyone else but also to make sure she got justice, the cop, who had fought for hundreds of women just like her over the years.

"All rise." The bailiff called making everyone in the room stand up.

Everyone watched as the Honourable Judge Elizabeth Donnelly made her way to the judge's bench. Once she was seated everyone else sat down. Olivia's heart hammered inside her chest as a small piece of paper was taken from the foreperson to Donnelly. Olivia watched with bated breath as Judge Donnelly looked at the verdict and then closed the paper, no hint of the answer on her face as the paper was taken back to the foreperson.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Donnelly asked.

"We have your honour." The foreperson began.

"On the count of Breaking and Entering we the jury find the defendant Toby McArthur Guilty."

Olivia let out a small gasp as did many others in the courtroom. She felt Cragen and Elliot give her hands a gentle squeeze almost at the exact same time.

"On the count of Kidnapping in the first degree, we the jury find the defendant Toby McArthur Guilty."

More gasps rippled through the courtroom that caused Donnelly to have to bang her gavel.

"Order." She called before turning back to the foreperson.

"On count one Aggravated Assault against a police officer we find the defendant guilty."

"Yes." Elliot's voice caught Olivia's ears a small tear trickled down her cheek.

"On count two of Aggravated Assault against a police officer we find the defendant guilty."

"Oh my God." Olivia whispered.

"On count three of Aggravated Assault against a police officer we find the defendant guilty."

"Come on baby." Elliot whispered as Olivia's body trembled against his own.

"On count one of sexual assault in the first degree we the jury find the defendant Guilty."

"Yes." Cragen's voice caught Olivia's ear this time as she cried softly.

"On count two of sexual assault in the first degree we find the defendant Toby McArthur Guilty."

Olivia's heart and mind stood still as they waited for the last verdict.

"On the count of rape in the first degree, we the jury, find the defendant Toby McArthur, Guilty."

The whole courtroom broke out in applause and mutters as the foreperson sat down.

"Order!" Donnelly called. "The defendant is remanded to Rickers until sentencing Bailiffs take him down." Donnelly called.

Everyone stood to watch as handcuffs were slapped onto Toby McArthur's wrists and Olivia broke out in wracked sobs of relief requiring Elliot and Captain Cragen to hold her up.

"We won baby." Elliot cried, the tears tumbling down his cheek. "We won."

Olivia was to overcome with emotion to even try and speak.

"He'll never see daylight again Olivia. Ever." Cragen smiled as his own tears fell down his cheeks.

Olivia just held onto the front of the bench as she cried, all the emotion she had left being drained from her, relief being the most prominent one.

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**Very short chapter but it had to be, only a few more to go now guys! Holla if you want a sequel!**


	27. 27 Sentencing

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

Chapter Twenty Seven – Sentencing

**Supreme Court of New York**

April 17th 11.03 am

Olivia and Elliot walked towards the courthouse hand in hand. It had been a week since Toby McArthur had been found guilty of all charges and it was finally the day that they would find out how long he would rot in prison for. As they arrived at the stone steps of the courthouse they were surrounded by press but Olivia said nothing as she would talk to them after the sentences had been passed. Olivia was nervous as she would address the judge and court with her victim impact statement that she had been spending the week writing and learning so she could know it by heart.

She couldn't hide how much she was shaking from anyone when she entered the overfull courtroom, many officers in their blues were there to show her their support and she was very grateful but would prefer that they weren't there so she would have less of an audience when she addressed the court.

When they arrived at their bench they were greeted by Munch, Fin, Cragen and Chief Dodson. Olivia had been surprised by the overwhelming support of The Chief of Police, he hadn't missed a second of the trial except for Elliot's testimony when he held Don Cragen carry her out of the courtroom. She had to admit she was surprised to see him again at the sentencing.

"All rise!" A voice called making everyone in the courtroom stand up. "The honourable judge Elizabeth Donnelly presiding court is now in session."

"Please be seated." Donnelly called once she was sat down. "I'm right in my knowing that Detective Olivia Benson would like to be heard before sentencing?" Donnelly asked looking from Alex and Casey to the trembling Detective.

"Yes your honour following United State Law that Victims of Crime may deliver Victim Impact Statements before sentencing occurs." Alex said standing up to address the judge.

"Then Detective Benson may have the floor." Donnelly replied.

Olivia got to her feet shakily and walked towards the judge's bench. Once in position she smoothed out her gray day dress that she had chosen for its tidy and professional look and took a deep breath before opening her mouth to talk.

"When Toby McArthur broke into my home, he changed my life forever. I haven't spent a day in that place alone since everything that happened, I can't sleep in my own bed without checking the locks repeatedly. I have severe nightmares cultivating from what happened. When he took me from my home, he changed me forever. I no longer feel safe. When he ..." Olivia's voice cracked as fresh tears fell from her deep brown eyes. "When he attacked me I could only think of the people who were searching for me, the people I care to call family. I know that I wasn't the only victim of these crimes. When sentencing Toby McArthur don't just think of what he did to me when he raped and beat me but remember what he did to Detective Elliot Stabler, Detective John Munch, Detective Odafin Tutuola and Captain Don Cragen, the four men who had to watch everything he did on a live feed making them feel more helpless than they have ever felt in their lives while they tried everything they could to rescue me. Toby McArthur didn't just change my life around when he did what he did. Thank you." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper when she bowed her head to Judge Donnelly and went back to her seat.

"Your Honour my client would also like to be heard." Langan called, he'd advised Toby against saying anything but he'd been insistent. "Under United States Law Speak to Sentence."

"Very Well, Doctor McArthur you may be heard." Donnelly replied, it was very rare that someone would speak to sentence when they had been found guilty rather than admit guilt.

Olivia gripped Elliot's hand tight in her own, her heart was hammering inside her chest and she could feel a panic attack coming but she wasn't going to let that happen because that's exactly what Toby McArthur wanted.

"Your Honour. I don't deny what I did. I should have been found guilty and I am very glad I was. I wanted to plead guilty but my lawyer wouldn't allow it when the DA's office wouldn't give me a deal to consider. What I did was wrong, I was a scientist conducting an experiment and I didn't really think of the consequences of my actions not only on myself but on Detective Benson." He turned from the judge and face Olivia who's breath hitched in her throat. "Olivia. I am truly sorry for what I did to you. I hope that one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me or at least understand why I did what I did to you. There are no words to describe how sorry I am for all the pain I have caused you. Thank you."

Toby went back to his seat as Olivia broke out in wracked sobs. Both Cragen and Elliot could only hold her as she sobbed her heart out.

"Will the defendant please rise." Donnelly said ready to pass her sentence.

Toby McArthur, Trevor Langan, Alex and Casey all stood up ready to hear how long McArthur would have to sit in a jail cell for.

"On the count of Breaking and Entering I sentence you Toby McArthur to the maximum ninety days imprisonment." Donnelly said firmly.

"On the count of Kidnapping in the first degree I sentence you to twenty five years imprisonment." Donnelly continued.

Olivia's sobs were silent but they were there as she listened to the terms being called out.

"On the three counts aggravated assault against a police officer I sentence you to the maximum of twenty years for each count." Donnelly went on.

"In the two counts of sexual assault in the first degree I sentence you to the maximum ten years for each count." Donnelly called.

"For the count rape in the first degree I sentence you Toby McArthur to twenty five years imprisonment." Donnelly banged her gavel, she wasn't done yet but she was following procedure.

"These sentences will be served concurrently at Attica state prison meaning Toby McArthur you will serve a maximum total of a hundred and thirty years and ninety days, you must serve at least half your sentence before having the possibility of parole meaning you will serve a minimum of sixty five years and thirty days. You addressed the court and admitted your crimes and that is the only reason I am giving you the possibility of parole, what you did to Detective Benson was unforgivable. Court is adjourned." Donnelly banged the gavel and left her seat while the court broke out in cheers and applause.

Olivia was held up to standing by Elliot and Cragen as they watched Toby McArthur handcuffed and escorted out of the courtroom.

"He'll never walk the streets again Olivia. Unless he lives to be a hundred and ten years old and gets parole." Cragen smiled gently.

"I know but why ... why did he speak to me?" Olivia sobbed hard, she hadn't expected it and hadn't been able to prepare herself for it.

"Because he's sick Olivia, he's a monster, come on baby." Elliot cried pulling her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her tight.

"I'm ok." She whispered pulling away from him and wiping her tears. "Come on the press awaits." She added knowing that now she had to talk to the press and thank the people who had supported her.

They all made their way out and the Police Chief, knowing Olivia would give a statement, had prepared by having a press podium set up so that she wouldn't be over crowded as well as have officers keep the press at a reasonable distance. He himself went first to talk so Olivia could gather her thoughts.

"Today we can honestly say justice was done. A total of a hundred and thirty years maximum and a minimum of sixty five before Toby McArthur has the possibility of parole, the truth is he'll never leave Attica state prison. We are now relieved that the trial is over and that we can all begin to heal from this wound that was made. Detective Olivia Benson may now begin getting her life back together and with the love and support of everyone in the NYPD we hope that she will find it possible. She would now like to say a few words."

Olivia walked to the podium trembling. Elliot and Cragen were either side of her with an arm around her back to that she could stand upright.

"First of all I'd like to say that I am extremely happy with the sentence that was passed. It was what I had hoped and prayed for. Secondly, I'd like to thank my brothers and sisters from the NYPD who really came out and supported me throughout all of this nightmare, Chief Dodson, you have been a great support and I really appreciate the love and care you showed throughout this trial. Captain Don Cragen, again thank you to him for being here by my side through it all. Detectives Elliot Stabler, Odafin Tutuola and John Munch, thank you ..." Olivia's voice cracked and she had to pause for a minute to regain herself. "...Thank you for finding me and rescuing me, I will never be able to repay you for what you did when you saved me..." Once again she had to pause to blink back the fresh tears. "Then there's the public. I received thousands of cards, letters and gifts and I have to say I was overwhelmed with them. I have read every letter and every card and I wish I could write back to every single one of you personally because every one of you have helped me on the path to begin healing, that knowing that I am not alone in my suffering has helped me begin to move on with my life. My plans for the future include going back to work for the Special Victims Unit, my ordeal has just made me more determined to help victims of heinous crimes, I start back first thing tomorrow and I am determined to get justice for those who need it most. I'm not saying it's going to be easy because I know it isn't going to be but I do know that I will succeed, I will make a difference and I will not allow Toby McArthur ruin the future I have. Thank you." Olivia stepped into Elliot's arms and she kissed him, deep and passionately on the lips as camera lights flashed in their faces.

"Let's go." He smiled as she pulled away with a cheeky grin on her face as well as fresh tear stains on her cheeks.

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**Only one more Chapter to go! Tell me if you want a Rape Trauma Syndrome PTSD style sequel! I already know what I want to write but need to know if you want it!**


	28. 28 Ending

**A/N – Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate all feedback! **

**DISCLAIMER – AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID I DON'T OWN SVU OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS, JUST THIS STORY AND MY OWN CHARACTERS!**

**Here it is guys the last chapter :( **

**ToriRenee161, Thorchick1993, maerae93, DeLene, Amber77, lareinaSelena, BenslerBaby, bristow1965, claudastar, **

**The names mentioned above have been regular reviewers and I feel it's only right to give you all a personal thank you for your support with this story, I'm glad so many of you kept with me too and I hope that you all will enjoy this last chapter, that it ends (for now!) in the way it deserves, it was a tough story to write, emotionally draining but the lot of you gave me the inspiration not to give it up! Thanks a million guys and gals!**

**Lastly, I said CONCURRENTLY in the last chapter when it should have been CONSECUTIVLEY meaning the sentences would be one right after the other not alongside just an explanation for those who got confused, sorry for the mistake though easy one to make. **

Chapter Twenty Eight – Ending

**Manhattan SVU, New York**

April 18th 8.56 am

Olivia walked hand in hand with Elliot nervously up to the bullpen, she was terrified even though she couldn't explain why. When she entered the bullpen she gasped as the room broke out into applause. A sign with "Welcome Back Benson" hung across Cragen's door and a large bouquet of flowers in a vase sat on her desk. Tears of joy stung her eyes as everyone gathered around to shake her hand and welcome her home.

"Thank you everyone." She smiled when she finally got to read the card with the flowers.

"Welcome Back Benson, everyone at the 1-6 precinct."

She sniffed and wiped her eyes before taking off her coat and throwing it over the back of her chair just as Cragen came over to her with a smile on his face.

"Welcome home Olivia." He smiled enveloping her in an embrace.

"Thanks Cap. Wow, I mean, why?" She laughed.

"Everyone just wanted to welcome you home Olivia, to where you belong." He explained.

"That's so sweet." Olivia smiled.

"Oh and you need these." He replied handing over a gun and shield.

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm guessing Lorna cleared me for active duty then?"

"Yes she did, the shield is new, the other one is still in evidence as is the gun but has your unique ID on of course." He explained as she toyed with the gun in her hand, she'd started to forget how it felt to have one.

"Sounds good to me." She smiled as she placed the gun on her hip.

"Good, we have a case, twenty year old rape but I can give it to Munch and Fin if you want to settle in." Cragen said holding a pink slip in her hand.

"No, the sooner I get back out there the better, who am I taking?" She asked knowing that she'd been partnered with Munch before she was kidnapped.

"Take Elliot, Chief Dodson seems to think it would be better for the NYPD if you're partners, spent the last week fighting for you to be put back together before you came back." Cragen replied.

"Brilliant, remind me to send a thank you card to him too, he really was there for the whole trial and for sentencing." Olivia smiled.

"You're a shining Detective Olivia, it looked good on him that he was there and talking to the press every day." Cragen chuckled.

"Good point, now, I best get to Mercy. Elliot come on we got a case!" She called dragging her coat back off the back of the chair.

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**Mercy General Hospital, Manhattan**

April 18th 9.43 am

"I'll take the vic?" Olivia asked as they walked towards the hospital room holding their twenty year old rape victim.

"If you're ready." Elliot smiled back.

"Just be outside in case I'm not." Olivia smiled.

Once at the hospital room Olivia gave Elliot one last nervous smile and took a deep breath before going in.

"Hi, my name's Olivia I'm a detective from Manhattan's Special Victims Unit." Olivia introduced herself like she always had done.

"I'm Jasmine Connors." The young girl replied as Olivia walked towards the bed.

"Jasmine can you tell me what happened?" Olivia asked.

"I was ... uh ... I was just in the library on campus ..."

"What school?" Olivia asked.

"Manhattan's institute for the arts." The girl replied shakily.

"Ok go on." Olivia replied taking out her notebook and scribbling in the important information.

"I was in the Shakespeare section looking for a book when someone cupped a hand over my mouth." She explained shakily.

"What time was it?" Olivia asked.

"Around one am, I couldn't sleep so I thought I could do some studying." Jasmine explained.

"Ok, carry on." Olivia replied.

"I was dragged into the storeroom and ... that's where ... that's where he raped me." Jasmine sobbed, Olivia rested her hand on Jasmine's arm, her thumb stroking the young girl's arm.

"Ok Jasmine have you had a rape kit done?" Olivia asked.

"Not yet, they said I'd have to talk to you first but I don't want to do it please don't make me do it." Jasmine pleaded to the Detective.

Olivia blinked, memories flooded her mind of when she had pleaded, begging that she didn't have to do the rape kit but then she remembered she had, she had to do it for girls like Jasmine.

"Ok Jasmine, we really need to do a kit if we're going to catch this guy ok but if you want I'll stay with you, I won't go anywhere if you don't want me to." Olivia said softly, trying to reassure the girl sobbing.

"Ok." She nodded.

"I'm just going to give this information to my partner so he can go and see if we have a crime scene ok, I'll just be outside." Olivia smiled gently coaxing the girl.

"Ok." She nodded and Olivia hurried off so they could get this over with.

Once in the corridor she handed the notebook to Elliot.

"Manhattan institute for the arts campus library storeroom by the Shakespeare isle that's a s specific as I got and get me the on duty OBGYN, I'm going to stay for the rape kit so call Munch or Fin to help with the crime scene." Olivia explained.

"Ok I'll do that now." Elliot smiled and he walked off leaving Olivia to go back into the room, he wasn't worried about her, she was back to work like a duck to water.

Olivia went back into the room and sat in the chair beside Jasmine's bed. The young girl sobbed as they waited for the on duty OBGYN.

"Have you got anyone you'd like me to call for you Jasmine?" Olivia asked as she held the girl's hand.

"No, I've got no one I left the system when I was sixteen and managed to make something out myself." Jasmine replied.

"Ok, well that's good." Olivia smiled. "I mean, that you managed to make something of yourself and beat the statistics."

"It's what I had to do, I mean I work to pay my way for school as well as the loans but hopefully they'll be worth it." Jasmine replied grateful that she had someone to talk to stopping her from wallowing over what had happened.

Just then Doctor Stewart walked into the room and stopped in shock at seeing Olivia sat there.

"Detective Benson?" She asked afraid that she was hallucinating.

"Yes, Doctor Stewart it's good to see you again, shame it's under these circumstances." Olivia said getting to her feet.

"Yes I agree." Doctor Stewart nodded. "So are we ready?" She asked looking from Olivia to the Victim and back again."

"Yes I think we are." Olivia nodded as a nurse came in with a wheelchair.

They all walked up to the Gynaecology suite and Olivia held Jasmine's hand as her legs were put in the stirrup.

"Will it hurt?" Jasmine asked tears dripping down her face as her eyes met Olivia's.

"A little, but talk to me and it will be easier and hurt less because the Doctor needs you to relax ok?" Olivia said as Jasmine's hand squeezed her own.

As the process began Olivia talked with Jasmine, as a flash of pain shone on Jasmine's face. Olivia dropped her head as she tried to hide where her mind had gone, she knew she was being watched by Doctor Stewart but her mind was in such a dark place.

Tears stung her eyes but she was determined not let them fall in front of Jasmine who needed her more than ever now, she just couldn't wait for it all to be over.

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**Manhattan SVU, Manhattan**

April 18th 4.23 pm

"Hey." Elliot smiled as Olivia walked back into the bullpen.

"Hey." She replied throwing her coat onto the back of the chair.

He could only watch her as she headed for the stairs, one destination in her mind.

She shut the door to the cribs just as the tears tumbled down her cheeks, she was tired, emotionally and physically drained from the day. She hadn't expected this, she hadn't expected for her mind to flash to her own experience, her own torture.

Olivia collapsed onto one of the bunks and rolled herself as small as she could make her body as she cried, for herself, for Jasmine, for victims everywhere.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked poking his head around the door. "Oh Olivia."

He rushed over to her and pulled her sobbing figure into his arms.

"I'm sorry." She cried.

"Don't apologise baby." He whispered. "It's ok, no one expected you to be able to do this so quickly."

"I'm fine I just, I couldn't, when she was having the kit done, I could only remember, I didn't want to remember." Olivia sobbed harshly.

"I know baby, I know, you'll get passed it though." Elliot replied.

"Will I?"

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**DUN DUN, I've left it open to move on with the story. If I do a sequel it will be six weeks down the line from here at the least. **


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